New here.
Hi everyone. I am new to this forum. I was a step parent for a little over 8 years. I knew my exes kids since they were toddlers and we were together for neary a decade. I never married her and we never lived together for a number of reasons. The main reason was I was never comfortable with her ex husband (the kids' father) who would be over at her place frequently because he was invovled in some illegal activites involving pornography and the internet. I was not very supportive of my ex being friends with hima nd copartenign with him in such a friendly way and when my ex first made me aware of his issues and we broke up for several months because of it. I could not fathom her being friendly with and coparenting with someone like this. I later found out he is a convicted felon for obstructing justice involing his pornopgraphy case, whatever that is, I never got to the bottom of the story and my ex refused to discuss it with me anymore. She would just say "he is their father and that is that, you have to accept that and him being around and us being friends". Anyways she lied ot be and never told me he was a convicted felon either and on probation. Mayeb it wans't my business but this way all going on while we were together and he was over at her house hanging out like friends and around the her kids. Anyways on top of that her kids were disrespectful a lot of the time yet I could do nothing about it but keep my mouth shut and keep helping her with their expenses and other things they needed. I feel bad now because now that I left she rebounded litearally a month after I left her and now has some guy living with her from out of state who moved to be with her who is always hanging out with her and her kids dad and spoils her kids tremednously. I was nice to her kids but never spoiled them. They were already very spoiled from both of their parents and grandparents. I feel like maybe I shouldve been more understanding about her situaiton with her ex. Maybe I was wrong. Oh well. Anyone have any insight for me? Thank you for listening.
Sorry about the spelling. My
Sorry about the spelling. My autocorrect does not seem to work on the site and I did not reread until now.
Free at last!
You are free from this train wreck! Congratulations! I think you are going thru a natural mourning process after an 8yr relationship. But I don't hear one positive thing about this scenario altho she must have been a good romantic partner or you wouldnt have put up with it. And, no, you shouldnt have been more understanding about the low-life ex being around all the time.
Realize that you are mourning your long relationship. Give yourself some time to think why you tolersted everything. Then go out and live your best life. There are many ladies looking for a nice man like you. Good luck!
Thank you. It has been hard
Thank you. It has been hard especially since she moved on so quickly. I was very quickly replaced with the new guy. There were also other issues with her family. Her perpetually single mother and sister were always around, nearly everyday, and were bad mouthing me when I was not around because I worked too much and wasn't around enough to be "their father" except I wasn't their father and someone had to pay the bills. That was me of course.
You have dodged a bullet
Your "voice" sounds like you are grieving but good heavens, this situation was so bad. I remember being so sad when I left my ex but he was a druggie who didn't work half the time, was negligent with my 2 kids and didn't do one thing around the house. I realize now I was grieving a dream, or a self-image that was irreparably shattered. Between you and me, as bad as he was, I was tempted to go back, I guess I wanted to get the dream right this time. So, I understand where you are coming from. Time will help you move on and I can promise you will look back to this period and recognize you were grieving. But the brilliant thing is, you are out. Thats so good.
Welcome to the site!
It doesn't sound like she was ever interested in an adult, reciprocal relationship with you - and to be fair, she never pretended she was. It was a "this is the situation, take it or leave it" approach on her part - and you took it for 8 yrs - although well done for never moving in - this turned out to be a good decision. Her current squeeze will soon find out about how selfish she is, and start to resent her enmeshment with her ex. You're well out of it.
You were taken advantage of
You were taken advantage of and disrespected for eight very long years. Breathe in deeply. Doesn't freedom smell good? Now it's time for you to take care of you and nobody else for a while. Make the most of it.
PS - she moved the next guy in at a rate of knots because she needed someone to foot the bills. It's a lot easier to bleed them when they live under the same roof. This is just another sign of how much of a user and how totally shallow she truly is. You are well out of this situation, my friend.
Her moving on quickly speaks
Her moving on quickly speaks volumes about HER, and nothing about you.
Be free, and thank god you didn't marry her or have kids with her, your nightmare would only be beginning.
I understand the feeling of
I understand the feeling of "should i have been more understanding?", especially when the other person moves on, and their new squeeze looks so happy hanging out with her and her ex. BTW, how do you know they are happy? If it's social media, that is often fake.
The thing is, you weren't happy. I couldn't make mysef be happy with an enmeshed ex hanging around the house all the time and calling all the tine, either. My SO would say "well my last girlfriend was perfectly happy to have my ex come over!" Well i wasn't. And i doubt she really was, either, since she left.
Your SO's new guy may not give a crap about having a true life partner. Maybe he values other things. Seriously, though, even if your ex's ex were a saint instead of a sex offender, who wants to deal with that? I couldn't, because i want to be part of a couple. My SO wanted me to be some kind of sloppy seconds, second class sister wife. No thanks!
Considering the only types of
Considering the only types of internet pornography that land you in legal trouble are of the child or violent variety, I don't know how you stuck around as long as you did. She doesn't even care about her children's safety. Why would she care about your feelings?
I agree. I will never know
I agree. I will never know the whole story with her ex as she lied and hid so much. All I know is he was subject of several different FBI investigations where his computers were confiscated. During the last investigation he threw his computer away because he knew they were on thier way (they showed up at her house first and she called him to ask what was going on) In the end he was convicted of felony obstruction of justice whatever that means. The court records are public but do not list the details. According to her he was innocent and I did not need to know what was going on. They were friends and would talk on the phone daily and he was at her house frequently because of their kids and she would allow him to take the kids unsupervised. I had serious issues with this and was accused of being jealous. I tried to fake nice with him towards the end but just could not wrap my head around it. Very odd.
Her moving on so quickly is a
Her moving on so quickly is a reflection on her, not you. It speaks volumes that she's a user and she is willing to be with anyone who she can use to finance her and her kids and for free babysitting. The fact that she is still friends with a convicted felon and someone who is very possibly into child porn is disgusting. The fact that she allows him around her kids is even worse. Be so glad you are out of that mess. She is a user and does not care about her kids. She picked up whatever low bearing fruit loser guy she could find instantly as soon as you left. She has no standards and is just a user. I guarantee the new guy has issues and is no prize. Most likely things that should be important to him in a relationship are not because he is a lowlife too. Maybe he is fine with being used because he cannot do better. Be so glad she's in your past. Please seek therapy to figure out why you stayed with this horrible sick user of a women for so long.
Be very proud of yourself for
Be very proud of yourself for leaving her and being strong enough to go through with it finally. You made the right decision. Do not pay attention to social media. It is fake. I guarantee her and her new guy have issues. Who is friendly with a convict, creep? Who has children with someone like that? Who moves on that quickly after 8 years? Who drops everything they have and moves in with someone that fast that they barely know? They all sound messed up, her, her ex and her new guy. Deactivate your account and focus on you. You deserve so much better than her. She is a loser, user just like her new dude.
You sound like a good dude,
You sound like a good dude, while your ex sounds like a real piece of work. Consider yourself lucky...you dodged a bullet by not marrying her and are now much better off without her (and her ex) in your life. You deserve better, so take your time and don't junmp into a rebound relationship yourself. Being lonely can suck, but not nearly as much as wasting your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
Yes, this - plus take the
Yes, this - plus take the time to work on yourself and figure out why you put up with this nonsense for EIGHT years. Otherwise, you may pick another woman like this.
Good riddance to that shallow
Good riddance to that shallow and polluted gene pool.
Enjoy your freedom.
And.... why feel bad that she has hooked an idiot to exploit for the benefit of herself, her X, and their genetic refuse.
Celebrate that it isn't you.