Don't stress yourself or your relationship. You came into this girl's life in her later years, she wasn't a baby, or toddler, or even a preschooler... she was a full-blown kid. Already pretty set in her way of thinking. She took a chance and said 'the words' to you, which pretty much meant that she accepts you in her life and in the life of her mother. To many, that is a milestone that will never be reached.

You like the kid as a kid, right? Can you return her 'i love you's' with 'i love you too's'? You may not feel love for her, but it will tell her that you accepted her with her mother as a package deal, and will take away any fear or feelings of threat that you are there to take time and love of her mother away from her.

And then just continue. Continue helping with homework, teach her right from wrong, play with her... when the time comes, threaten little boys who show up at your door, have a man-to-man with the guy she believes is 'the one'.. Your feelings for her can evolve over time into something wonderful, or something less. But a Dad/Daughter relationship with a stepchild is not going to develop overnight.

I agree w/RaeRae. And you're being much too hard on yourself. Your relationship is new so give it time. It's ok to be grumpy sometimes, we're all human, but don't be grumpy because you're beating yourself up over what you don't feel.

How about looking at it like this? You love her as a human being right? And as an extension of her mom. And as far as I read she hasn't done anything to cause you to dislike her, so when she tells you, "I love you" you can honestly tell her you love her back without feeling guilty. Change your perspective, stop beating yourself up, and everything else will fall into place.

Good luck.

This is the hardest/longest relationship to develop is that between step-daughter & step-dad. Men don't develop those feelings as quickly as women do. I know it took my BF at least 1 1/2 yrs (living together) before he started to have more caring feelings towards my BD and they have always got along great! It just takes time .... don't be too stressed and take it one day at a time. You obviously care for her if you are helping with homework and the caring for her ... and that is a good start. It will all fall into place & develop over time.

Good luck!

Hi Stealthy,
I'm so sorry you are experiencing these feelings, it's tough and I have totally been there! As I read your post, this part is what struck me the most as a possible red flag:

"The stress has become too much! I am not being fair to my girlfriend, her daughter or myself so I broke down last night and spilled my guts. My girlfriend asked me if I want to try to make things better. I dont know how to do that! I cant change my feelings overnight!
I am just so confused. They both have been through alot. Her father is not in the picture. I dont understand how anyone wants to be around me these days as I am a grump most of the time. Could my girlfriend be hanging on for security reasons?"

Forgive me if I sounds a bit like an "armchair psychologist" but, based on those statements you made above, I would have to say that this issue goes much deeper than being "stressed" about her daughter and feeling guilty about your feelings. I might be totally wrong about this but here goes:

Is it possible that this issue with her daughter is not THE problem that has you this upset. This was really just a smaller, more manageable issue, which is easier to focus on and fix. I would even go so far as to say it helped distract your focus away from deeper fears you have about going forward with this relationship. You also stated that you are wondering why they would want to be around you right now and questioning whether she is with you for the wrong reasons (i.e. security). But could it be that you are starting to worry that you might be doing that same thing? Or perhaps you already know that you are unhappy and are staying out of a feeling of obligation and/or not wanting to put them through anymore than they already have been through? You sound like a really good guy and the fact that you are on this forum asking for help proves that you care a lot about others, especially your girlfriend and her daughter. Maybe you feel like you would be hurting them by breaking up and leaving so you begin to feel almost trapped, which manifests itself as "stress". You said that you broke down and told her everything and after all that she still asked if you wanted to work on it which put the decisions right back on your shoulders. That probably stressed you out even more! Please don't take any offense to this, but could it be that subconsciously you want her to break up with you? Again, this is just a theory from an outsider and only based on one post so it could very well be totally wrong.