I would not - I have been there and I would not engage with her. It my DH a LONG time to grow a set almost to the point where I was leaving. And don't think it gets better as the get older it does not.

My DH no longer engages with BM, does not respond to her at all.

I would not - I have been there and I would not engage with her. It took my DH a LONG time to grow a set almost to the point where I was leaving. And don't think it gets better the older the skids get, it does not. And the older the skids get the bigger the issues. DH has to learn to stop doing things to "keep the peace" because there is not any peace until BM realizes she cant push DH around anymore. DH needs to get that across not you.

My DH no longer engages with BM, does not respond to her at all.

Don't say a thing. And everytime he goes over there to attend to her 'HoneyDo" list just sleep on the couch. If he asks why, just tell him you are uncomfortable sleeping with him when he is still being a husband handyman for his ex. After all, you have a list of your own he doesn't see to. And if you don't, make the list NOW!

I agree its never a good idea to confront the BM no matter how nice or how many issues their are its not your relationship to talk about its his. I understand how much sucks believe when my SO's phone goes off and I know its her I want to wring his neck lol but its not my relationship to fight its for him to. Good luck

Do not confront her. Let him deal with it, but like Leah said, make your demands and have him abide by them.

Im wondering what kind of errands she is making him do....how long does it take and how much money does it cost.

Because you have a life with your DH and I really do think she is calling him when ever she likes as she is used to doing that during the marriage...and if your husband allows it to continue then she will continue to use him for such little matters....She needs to be stopped.

Does her new husband know about her relying on her ex husband to do things like this???? Cos my new husband would not like me calling my ex like this....I assure you.

Maybe you can suggest to your DH this point...he may see it from your perspective then. Also next time she calls have a chat....ask her lots of questions - get her talking about herself....make her feel good then the next time she calls after that....maybe you can say something like 'does your husband not help you much around the house re these errands....oh I feel so sorry for you....is everything OK"? And why dont you offer to the errands for her....that way she will start to get it....cos Im wondering why she cant do them herself....why she has to ask you two to do them...and yes make a point of going with DH to do these things and mention it to her how both of you go to do these things together...(sort of indirectly saying its wasting both your time)

alternatively....get DH to sort the nutter BM out....

I would absolutely never let my voice be heard by BM unless of course she contacts you at which time no confrontation is recommended...
Take care of yourself, you don't want to look insecure, then don't.

I think you are doing an awesome job if you have not contacted her yet. My advice is let DH know how you feel and if there is anything he can do about it..let him, if he likes doing these things for her, then I certainly wouldn't discourage him...

last time I saw the ex nutter out on the door step sucking on her fag I just gave her a dirty look then looked at my gorgeous husband and we smilled together as I said what a skank....

yep it was a drop off...she dont come and greet the car...nor will my ex go inside their home....just as well.

Let her hate you....imagine how horrible it would be if you were expected to go to all the family outings together???? aaawww puke

better your enemies rather than pretend friends is what I say....

She owes you nothing. You should have minimal contact with her. Cool politeness towards her will make you look like the better woman.
Now on to your DH - let him know you expect to be first in his life. Explain to him that you have no intention of sharing him with his ex even though she is the mother of his children. Explain to him that this is not negotaible. The faster that he realizes that his allegiance is to you his wife the happier you both will be.

I confronted my SO's EX. But she is a stalker ans was doing things like showing up at our house when nobody was there, sending him texts about how she was still in love with him and wasn't dating anybody because she was waiting for him, while she knew I was there, would start texting him if she saw us together out in public, called his mother bawling and begging her to talk with him, sent pictures of herself to him, told him she was dying, called him bawling begging him not to let me move in, had her father call him telling him not to let me move in, has waited outside the house at 2:00am just sitting in her car amongst many other things. This behavior went on for almost a year.

My breaking point with her was actaully a couple of months ago when she invited my daughter to her daughter's birthday. We had already thrown a B-day party for FSD and I don't want to be around her. So guess what, we didn't attend. She texted SO the next day basically tellng him he was a sh!tty father for not being there. WTF? He wasn't even invited nor was I. My BD was. So I told her she was nuts and needed to leave us alone.

My case is a little bit different than yours though. It's recomended that when dealing with a stalker, you need to be assertive and let them know that you're not interested. My SO had tried many times but he's a little to tactful for her. So I told her in a far more asertive way. I have been dealing with a stalker at work for almost 2 years now and I'm not about to have one in my personal life as well.

Things have gotten better, but being a stalker if my SO has to contact her for any reason she doesn't understand that that's all it is, communication about the kids. It all starts again and takes us months to get her put back in her place.

Are you sure your DH doesn't find this oddly flattering in some sort of way that the BM is having him at her beck and call?

Seems to me a lot of men like "two women fighting over him" and view it as an ego boost.

If DH really respected you, he'd put his foot down on these "requests"

"I'm sorry BM but you're remarried now so new hubby can do those things for you. I have a life with newmom01 now"

If he doesn't say anything to her and this goes on after you've tactfully brought this up to him, or if he does a "spin and project" and calls you jealous, then all red flags are UP!