Need advice - How to handle his Ex-Father-in-law
Okay, I really need to vent about this and get other's advice on how to handle this......... BF's ex-father-in-law is continually showing up at the house. (he see's the kids when they are at his daughter's house - they have 50/50 custoday - every other week). BF does not understand why this is bothering me so much. IMO, if the grandpa didn't get to see them ALL week when they are at the ex-wife's house, then fine, come over to see them. But he is over there almost every night when they are with the ex-wife. Anyway, we got into a huge fight about this last night because for the 3rd night in a row, the EX-father-in-law was over AGAIN. Maybe I'm being childish and it's no big deal, but this is really bothering me ALOT and I feel as though my feelings are not being considered. When I say something to BF about it, like I did last night, it starts a huge fight. At this point, I'm afraid this is going to tear us apart...... which after last night I don't even know if we'll stay together or not, he was extremely angry at me and refused to speak to me and went to bed. HELP! How can I get over this or make him understand how much this hurts me!?!?
Thank you in advance for any advice!
I think you are right
He is no longer a part of your H's family the ex FIL should visit the grandkids when they are with his daughter NOT with your H.
IF the granddad wants to come and take them somewhere fine, but that is your home and if you dont want a certain person there your H should understand.
I hope you guys can work it out!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
That is just AWKWARD.. Is
That is just AWKWARD.. Is it possible that he is sent to "spy" and see how the kids are doing and being treated while they are at dad's?
I just dont get how this man just keeps inviting himself over. Do you end up having to feed him as well?
How old are these kids?
Awkward it is!!!!
Thank you for your advice........... I'm not CRAZY!!!! I was starting to think I was just being a baby. that's the way the BF makes me feel with this subject.
I don't think he's spying..... but, you never know!
For the past 3 nights, yes, we have ended up feeding him. AND I get scolded by him if I start cleaning up/doing dishes before HE decides to get up from the table. Which I told my BF last night that the next time he opens his mouth, I will NOT keep mine shut.
The kids are 12 & 14. And I know they instigate him coming over at times, not all of the time. There are times he will just show up...
At this time though.... I think my BF is fed-up with me not accepting this man over whenever the mood strikes him. I just want him to understand and respect my feelings.... and actually tell his Ex FIL NO once...... I really feel as though I'm losing it and ready to walk away.........
I experienced something similar
My husband used to let BM's mother have visitation with SD during husband's custody. Which didn't make sense to me. SD would be at BM's house on a weekend, and grandmother would call and complain BM wouldn't let her see SD. Not our problem, is my opinion. But my husband would go out of his way to get SD to her grandmother. Eventually, my husband finally saw grandmother's true nature (she was constantly badmouthing me to SD and turning her against me) and he stopped catering to her. I think the same instinct that makes our husbands parent out of guilt makes them go out of the way to accommodate people they aren't even related to!
Glad I'm NOT alone!!
I'm glad he saw the truth!!! I'm hoping that mine does and SOON!
You are so not alone.
Damn, I don't even want my own parents dropping by on a daily (or even weekly!) basis, let alone my husband's ex-wife's father! Good Lord! You need to explain to him that it isn't about WHO he is, it's about the fact that having ANY COMPANY over on a daily basis is just too much. Your home is your safe haven. It's supposed to be where you can kick back, relax, destress and insulate yourself from outside stressors. How can you do that with the ex's father showing up unannounced almost every single day? You can't. The ex-FIL needs to call to ask if he can come by and then needs to stay away if he's not been given the okay to come by. Ask your husband how he would feel if your ex's mother came over to hang out every day.
Ex in -laws
BM has no problem calling and asking her ex in laws to babysit - She knows it will piss my fiance off and she knows that they eat it up. MY fiance (against my fussing and cussing) allowed wording in his parenting time agreement to state that the kids grandparents could be asked to watch the kids even overnight, without having to ask the other parent first. STUPID. She has denied him any extra time with the kids and given it to his parents because she CAN. Now, we are in a position where we may need a babysitter soon and he is refusing to call her parents and ask them to watch the kids. He is worried about CANCELING our plans if she says she "can't watch them" Bullsh!t. He isn't really willing to ask her parents, even though he has every right. I don't get it and I never will.
On the flip side of that, they are not welcome here under normal circumstances. They can see their grandkids on BM's time, not mine. His parents make up lies about me and their son to get time from BM and she loves it. She gives so much of her time away it's not even funny. I really hope one day that the kids realize how their mom never wanted them around and always found excuses to send them away.
Boy, I am on a tear today.
WHOA!!!!
I think the BF should tell him that any visitations need to be done with his daughter or at a meeting place for them to see each other. I do not think the grandparents need to be thrown out of the childrens lives just because two people divorce but it seems to me that he is VERY disrespectful. It's almost like BF likes to have the ex father in law around. I would not want my ex father in law popping in my home. But if he wanted to take the kids out and spend time with them then i would welcome him with open arms but just not in my home.
"Still waiting to get my life back"
not only that but i would
not only that but i would constantly feel i had to prove to not only the BB which is bad enough but please her daddy too
I would feel like my every move was being judge...oh BB did it better, etc. Those kids are old enough to see him elsewhere and child support is enough without having to feed her damn father. Not not but HELL NO
Invite some friends of yours over,
I swear, sometimes I think the P in pe-ni-s stands for Problems!!! Even if there was nothing wrong with it YOUR feelings should be considered!
no way
He is just there to spy and sneak in PAS! Tell him you just have too much going on and you have a new rule in your house that you only have visitors when they are invited (which is never).
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil