Hello, I am new to the board and could write a book on the issues regarding my Blended Family. I have been married for almost eight years, and have two step children. One step daughter, age 17, and one step son 21. As for myself, I have 3 children ages 17(daughter) 16(son) and 13(daughter), who i have every other weekend. When me and my wife first got together, I wanted to think of "us" as a family. What was good for one child, should be good for the next. I understand that her children live with us and rely solely on us, but i did not expect my children to be treated differently,at least when they are over on the weekends. My kids have to ask to get something to eat, hers can help themselves anytime, and also donate food to their friends. This has an effect on me and my children making us feel"not worthy".This is just one example of the many issues regarding the kids. When i address that i do not feel the kids, are being treated fairly,she says "I am all my kids have and they live with us and you pay support" Sure i understand this to a point, I do not help with school clothes etc. but the kids do not understand this, and it is not my fault, or my wifes that her ex is 30,000 + behind in child support, and has nothing to do with the kids.Another issue i have is i have no say in my house. I would appreciate 50/50. I have zero.I have tried to set simple rules only to be shot down, one example was I told all the kids( including mine) If you want to have a friend over, just ask and if nothing is going on then there will not be a problem.I explained my personal property is in the home, I would like to know who is here. This rule is totally been ignored for years. I don't think this was too much to ask for.There are no rules in my house anything goes and i have no control. My wife does not enforce chores and takes 100% care of picking up after her kids.I have so much to get out i don't even know where to begin, Anyhow my 21 year old step son takes total advantage of us.He has never been disciplined, or forced to learn responsibility. He has had several jobs that he has quit. and is into smoking marijuana since around the age 15. Mother takes care of his finances ,washes his clothes and takes care of him. I used to help considerably around the house, but i refuse to help, because he does absolutely nothing, around the house. His room looks like a pig pen,with empty beer cans under his bed (for over a month). He won't take the garbage out, or help with yard work or anything. He comes and goes as he pleases. I am to keep my mouth shut. He is on our cell phone plan, our car insurance. And everytime he is caught smoking dope, mom says don't do it again. My wife took our income tax, and bought him a car,(without my knowledge). Again i tried to set some rules. Ok now you have the car, so in order to keep the car you need a job, so he got a job at Mcdonalds long enough to get the car, then he quit the job. Mom let him keep the car( unbelievable). Another condition was if we know you are smoking dope, you loose the car. Caught him with dope, mom lets him keep the car. We are nothing but a joke to him. Mom took him to counseling, the doctor perscribed medication for him, still continues to smoke the dope. My kids, and stepdaughter told me that the stepson has brought alcohol and marijuana in the house on 3 different occasions, set right at the kitchen table with the marijuana and put it in a pipe, then went into the garage and smoked it. I told my wife about it and she gets mad at me. I finally put my foot down and said i want him out of the house. Mom tells him he has to go, not because of what he has done, but because of me. He goes to stay with his 16 year old girlfriend for a week, then he can't stay there anymore, so he moves back home. Wife now tells me she is going to find her own place, and that she needs to monitor step-son, and get him back on the right track. I think, he has had enough monitoring and needs some "tough love" . I know i don't have all the answers, and just don't understand why i have to be the one kicked to the curb.