My SD6 was kinda rough on DD when she was born. She would push on her soft spot, jump on the bed if she was laying on it, etc. I made sure to always be present when SD was around DD, or to make sure I trusted the adult who was with them. I also gave out harsher punishments for anything SD did to hurt DD. I had always done time outs in the past, but I know she's really attached to our iPad so I would take it away for an entire day or longer depending on what she did. She learned quite quickly to be careful around DD. Although if you've read any of my posts, you'll see that it bit me in the ass because my relationship with SD isn't as good anymore and she thinks I'm 'mean'. BM has her in counselling because of it and has involved her lawyer.

IMO...its normal for a 5year old to be over excited about a baby. When my girl was 6, she would do all the things you mentioned to her new baby brother. Could not leave him alone with her. Just be there, watch over him and try to recognize when it really is a danger to your baby. Just like how babies are rough with pets....they don't know any better. Just relax and enjoy your baby. Help SD learn to be gentle. This will take years.

If you feel like you are not getting the support from your husband regarding this situation, I would definitely start taking the baby to your mothers on the weekends. I know some people are going to say this is normal behavior for her age, but I call BS on that. I was 4 when my brother was born and I knew that he was not something for me to play with. Granted, I also actually listened to my parents.

SD sounds hyper (that and is thinks she isn't getting her share of attention).

Don't jump to a conclusion that DH favors one child over the other. They are both his children. In DH's heart he 'knows' SD would never intentionally hurt her new little brother, but in reality you know whether it was intentional or not the child could indeed hurt the baby. Hurt is hurt regardless of how innocently the accident happens.

Dh sitting there asking/ telling SD 'don't do that, you need to stop that' are wasted words. When kiddo is jumping around like a monkey and tugging and over patting on the baby, Dh needs to take action, not waste words (again, imo it sounds like the child is hyper and has poor impulse control...a bit of that is normal for a 5yr old but excessive is not. just something for your Dh to think about and consider).

SO we have Daddy Waste Of Words and Daddy Inactive But Means Well. If your DH isn't going to get off his a** and deal with a real potential harm to his son, you are going to have to do it. You doing that could consist of a lot of various ways:

1) talk to SD. Ask her what would happen , purposely or not, if you ran and jumped on her? If you were 'just trying to hug her' and accidently broke her arm? If you were just trying to play with her but unintentially dropped her. carefully explain that all those scenarios could 'hurt' SD, but baby is even smaller and more physically fragile right now than a little 5yr old child is. Baby is basically very weak and helpless.

2)Take her by the hand and lead her away. Whether you take her off or hand her off to DH to do. A simple 'you can't play with baby right now because you are being to rough and are too wound up, lets go do this instead) if it's Dh, let him take Sd outside to run off some energy, to her room to spend a few minutes reading a story or to the time out place if she's really being defiant. If it's you that takes her, that's also allowing the SD to see it's ok and normal for Daddy to spend individual time with the baby, that it doesn't make her Daddy love her any less blah blah.

3) You could take baby and leave for the weekend, but that's really not a solution and will likely cause DH to believe you 'hate' SD, have a new baby now and just want the old kid to poof. DH's can get defensive and really simple minded over thinking their first child is now going to be tossed aside. He's also going to want SD to be able to see and bond with baby which she can't do if you always take baby away while she's there. This # could open up all kinds of new problems between DH and you.

4)Find creative ways SD can spend a bit of time near baby without actually touching baby or sitting on anyone's lap. Example, put baby in infant seat on floor with DH sitting in chair right next to baby. Let SD sit on floor next to baby. No touching, just sitting. Dad can chatter , read a story, whatever...just giving time together without a need to actually have any hands-ons or any sudden movements such as jumping on or pawing at.

Maybe I'm a bit harsh, but when it came to DD 1, I refused to let SS near her after the first few dangerous acts. He treated me badly up to this point and had massive jealousy for her as well.

When it comes to my baby, I won't take risks - whether people think I'm paranoid or not. If they can't be trusted then they don't get to play. Simple as that. If Daddy doesn't like it, then pull your finger out of your arse and sort your child out so that they do play nicely!

SS and DD are now best of friends and she's the rough one if anything and yes, I do stop her being rough with him.

As for your SO, I have found that quite a few men don't bond so much with babies until they start 'doing stuff'. My SO didn't bond well for at least 4 months with DD, but now they are inseparable. I wouldn't worry too much about that yet.

Stand up for your baby. If you don't, who will? Best of luck!

As a new Mom, (Congrats by the way) ... you may be a bit sensitive regarding the SD's interaction. Learning boundaries, appropriate behavior in preschool may take a day or so for SD with constant reminders. Repeat: A day or so. Unless your SD has developmental delays. Then, learning to care for other creatures may take a bit longer.

That being said ... protect your baby. Don't assume your DH, or his uncle/aunt or 2nd cousin understands your view. PROTECT YOUR BABY.

Jealousy, weirdness seems to be normal in our blended/step families. You have now documented concern for the safety of your child. Protect your baby. Error on the side of caution.

Trust your instincts-your baby needs your protection.Ask DH if someone the size of an elephant would do around SD what she does around your baby if he would feel same relaxed.He needs to start thinking about the difference of sizes and weight in between the two kids.He should support you and help SD to learn how to behave around her little bro.To toughen up a new born so he doesn't have to discipline his precious princess is ridiculous and dangerous.

Too rough is too rough. Particularly where newish borns are concerned. An assertive response to SD-5's aggresive treatment of the baby is in order IMHO. Frequently and consistently.

Good luck.

You DH might be easier on SD than on BS because he thinks SD is a "victim" of divorce. It's no excuse but that's how some people respond to skids. My FIL and BIL act nicer toward my SD than they do to my BD. It used to bother the hell out of me but I quit worrying whether they all like SD more than BD because now I realize they are just stupid and trying to coddle poor little SD. But I know better. My SD is a jerk and is very hard to like. Just feel sorry for them.

I was very protective of BD too because my SD was (and still is) rough and mean toward BD. When BD was first born, I got so stressed when SD wanted to hold her. One time, SD pushed infant BD off her lap. Luckily DH caught BD before she hit the floor on her head. After that, I swore to myself I would protect BD as my priority, even if it hurts someone's feelings. As BD is getting older, I still try to keep a distance from SD when ever SD11 starts with the disrespectful mouthing off at DH. I don't want BD4 to learn bad things and think it's ok to disrespect others. My SD just happens to be a horrible example for anyone.

sks live with me, but are older than yours. They have other siblings with mom, and a new baby with us. I have witnessed SD be super violent towards her other siblings while they were newborsn-- it was not her, it was her mothers lack of caring. But bc of this, she has NO idea how to handle a baby, but also feels the need to take care of them. BM would leave sks in charge, home alone, with her infants. yes- thats another post. Anyway, I have been very very protective over our new baby because of this. We have a steadfast rule. No touching the baby without me or DH saying it is ok. In the beginning we had a few scary things that SKs did, but mainly it is simply not listening when we tell them not to do X to the baby.

He is older now, so we do allow them to hold and play a bit and as he ages we will more and more. Don't feel like you can't set such a rule. My sks were not listening to us and were putting LO in danger. We didnt allow them to touch him. It sounds harsh, but it got the point across and now they are much much better with him.

Anyway, do what you feel is best to protect the baby. Biggest issue I see here is that your DH is not on board with you. My DH saw the problem and helped me fix it. If you are the only one feeling this way you will get no where. For us we were able to discuss this prior to baby bc we witnessed them with their siblings... you don't have that luxury, so maybe some serious talking. Just make sure you do not talk negatively or attach his daughter (through his eyes). Explain that since she isnt around much she has no idea how to act and you need help teaching her... sorry for the ramble. You just need him to be on your team.