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SweetMom's picture

Submitted by SweetMom on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 11:33am

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Men can be damn idiots. Now I'm not a man jenious because this is my second real relationship and marriage. My husband told me to quit a good job when we married because he said we could afford it. I had always been self reliant even though I do not have a college education or trade. For years I have proven I could do it on my own with a special needs child Inwhich I could not get any help, sometimes $100.00 for a month In Food stamps. No help from any relatives. The past two years I have lost all confidence in myself. H hasn't been making any over time so he no longer makes the money he use too. Last week he got a new job and starts this Monday, I told him and we both agreed not mention our business to anyone. He picks stepd11 up and she comes in and knows all about his new job, new dental and vision insurance he is getting. I felt betrayed. He keeps making me feel bad because we have no money to do anything. His last paycheck paid bills, gas up car, and we have groceries and drinks. We have real healthy meals we can cook, no junk because it's damn expensive. He is embarrest I guess but making me feel bad in the process. Not to mention I had a procedure at hospital 250.00 deductible and a office visit this week 40.00. When he was single he had money. I'm so hurt he makes me feel quilty. Last night he called his daughter in living room and apologized for us arguing. He admitted he was wrong for telling her our personal business and then the talk began about what bothers her. He asked and drilled her why his ex step daughter doesn't come over. I was so aggravated, she is a ex step daughter. A spoiled bitch at that. I had 3 miscarriages and this fucker has a baby picture of his ex step daughter in his dresser.. He was only married to the BM for 2 years Inwhich seperate do half that. The kid came in his life when she was 3 and left at 5. She calls him names and makes fun of him. I'm just frustrated and venting, sorry!

SecondGeneration's picture

Submitted by SecondGeneration on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 11:50am

Well whats the saying? Acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it.

You are feeling guilty about doing things that have since caused issues for you, both as an individual (loss of confidence) and as a couple (financial strain). So what do you do? Get yourself back in the work place.

Work out what hours you can work without having to reshuffle too much childcare and start there, have a look at what jobs are available and what they are paying so youve got a good idea of how much of a gap there will be before you are paying out for childcare again.

He shouldnt be discussing things with SD if you have agreed to keep it to yourselves, but perhaps he wanted to share the good news "yes ive got a new job now so things will be better/easier" its a male pride thing too. He thought he could support you and your family unit off his own income, now hes discovering its not that easy.

My fiance and I have ended up swopping jobs twice in the three years we've been living together. Originally I was working part time and whilst that was great time wise I didnt like bringing is so little, so I got a full time job but that was over 40 hours so whilst money was great how those hours fell against his work rota meant we didnt get much time. The beauty of being in a committed relationship is that you can try things and see what works for you, neither my fiance or I are people that could cope staying at home 24/7, we'd go insane, with or without children present. But given SD and future children that we want we would ideally like to be in the position of one working full time, the other part time. You have to figure out what works best for you as a family unit.

Clearly him working and you not is not working. You feel crap, he is stressed under the financial strain and the only one that can fix that is you. Ofcourse there can be other things going on but I imagine you will find yourself regaining confidence if you are working again.

SweetMom's picture

Submitted by SweetMom on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 6:39pm

I'm 40 now. I am going to a dr. Last week had a hsg Inwhich I have one healthy tube and the other clogged, also I had a mass in uterus..sorry tmi. I'm scheduled to have that looked at closely in a couple of weeks. H went in for a semen analys too. It's a fertility dr. We also are getting blood work to see if we could have a healthy baby. We both know that one day we are gonna die so having my son a sibling to look after him will set mind and his at ease and I love my husband and want to have his baby. I had a job in dental office before, just been away from it awhile. It didn't require a college education. I do know what I have to do. Any job would help build my self esteem.

SweetMom's picture

Submitted by SweetMom on Sun, 08/16/2015 - 2:31pm

My home is paid for. My husbands home is paid for. The only debt I have is credit cards Inwhich was spent on entire family, mostly h and his kid. He promised he'd pay back. Trust me. I can take care of myself on a 10.00$ hr job..if h would pay off debt. My ex and I take turns with my decelopemental delayed kid. I wanted a baby by a man that says he loves me and I have been wanting another baby for a very long time, babies are precious. Yea, I want a baby to grow up to look after his or her older brother because I would raise them up to look after eachother. Yes I have found out recently the reason for miscarriages due to the mass or one bad tube. The mass is getting removed and I am working On Weight , lost 10lbs the past month. We have insurance that's taking care of medical besides co pays. He needs to sale his house and we would be doing great but makes me so mad when he procrastinates. Also his 11 year old constantly saying that his house his her only stability. Her only stability has been here for the 3 years h has been with me.