looking for advice
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, he has a 7 year son. My boyfriend moved in with me 6 months ago. I have given up my office so that his son could have his own room and a place for all of his toys. I do not have any children of my own and was building a pretty good relationship with his son. Now when I walk into a room his son either dives under a blanket/hides or just stares at me and has to be made to say hello. His son was always spoiled but latley it has gotten much worse, getting everything that he wants, me having to make special dinners because he refuses to eat what we eat, only watching what he wants for the entire weekend, falling asleep on the couch every night rather than being put to bed in his own room. When he is over my boyfriend will pretty much ignore me to play with his son, I understand spending time together is important but we used to all play games etc, now it is them in a room playing video games or legos and only really interacting with me when they need something or if the activity is something that his son wants...my boyfriend has even taking to sleeping with his son when he is here! I have mentioned that these things bother me and boyfriend responds by rolling his eyes and saying that it's his son and it's not a big deal. Boyfriend also is upset that I no longer will make the 3 hr roundtrip to take his son all the way home EOW because his ex doesn't want to meet him halfway. I do not feel that it is my responsibility to give up half a day to take him home while his ex is out doing whatever she wants. I find myself scheduling other activities on the weekends that his son is over so as to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of intruding on their lives. Recently I came home after a business trip only to be ignored because boyfriend's son was around. We have talked about getting married, but I worry that if things don't change I will not be happy.
Need to find out why the
Need to find out why the boyfriend is acting this way, it is usally because of the BM. That should be settled now rather than later.
Run now. Sorry but there are
Run now. Sorry but there are some big flashing warning signs. I wish I had paid attention to mine.
"I have mentioned that these
"I have mentioned that these things bother me and boyfriend responds by rolling his eyes and saying that it's his son and it's not a big deal."
This is how your BF of TWO YEARS responds to your genuine concerns...by rolling his eyes at you??? Huge red flag here!
This is another "Guilt Daddy" at work here- ignoring you, indulging his son at the expense of your feelings, not setting boundaries for his child, etc.
If BF is not willing to have a frank and honest discussion with you regarding this issues NOW, then I would not move forward in this relationship. Trust me, you do NOT need this aggravation in your life!
your right he does feel
your right he does feel extreamly guilty that he isn't with his son every day and has often said that I need to realize what a "hard life" his son has. he has incorportaed some of the requests for rules like eating at the dinner table rather than in front of the tv, but the diclipline is not there. Their relationship is more friends rather than father & son. I love my boyfriend and things are great when his son isn't around, but it is such a extreme change when he is there....I guess I am hoping that things will change.
Trust me, HOPING that things
Trust me, HOPING that things are going to change never works! If you are betting your future on "Hope" then you might as well go to your nearest casino, plop down $50K on "Red" and let that wheel spin...
Because that's exactly the kind of risk you're taking with "Hope"
Relationships, especially when it comes to those involving children, take a TON of work!
24/7 type of work
And the whole "friend" thing with his son...yet another red flag. His son will have a lot of friends in his life. What he NEEDS is a FATHER- and he'll only have ONE of those, so your BF better make it COUNT.
(I know, reality sucks, doesn't it?)
Well, he is going to make his
Well, he is going to make his son's adult life even harder if he keeps up these antics! I agree with the others; these are red flags. What if you two have children? Is he going to push them to the side just because he is no longer able to see him as much as them? And he needs to respect you at all times. Not only will it teach his son how to treat the woman in his life, but it will also keep you in his life. My husband is a wonderful man and I cannot imagine life without him, but I honestly sometimes wish I would have ran the hell away from this life when I had the chance. I definitely would not have stayed if he was disrespectful and did not place importance on our relationship.
I totally understand where
I totally understand where you are coming from. It's so hard!! I am in a similar spot and often feel the same way as you do! It's the same thing, I have to give up my time, my TV, my house all when the prince is over! I can't stand it most times. My BF son is 6 (will be 7 in July) and I used to be more involved too. Now I just kind of can't be bothered. I don't have my own kids and don't really feel like taking care of someone else's. We have him every weekend and it is not how I care to spend my 2 days off from work. I've been finding things to do too, just to have some quiet time to myself. I love my BF very, very much I just so wish he didn't come with baggage!!!