You are not stuck, you just need to realize that this may not be the BF for you. Not only does he not discipline his kid, he has no respect for you. Frankly, he sounds like an ass. Mocking you when you simply ask the kid to pick up his toys? Ass.

Why would you want to settle for a man who is great when it's just the two of you but turns into a different person when someone else is involved, in this case, his son? Relationships don't happen in a bubble and if he can't treat you with the same respect, whether his son is there or not, that's a big problem. You can't even talk to him about it so how will it ever get resolved?

No way in hell I'd marry into this. You are too young to be saddled with this jerk.

You are not stuck. You are making the CHOICE to stay in an unhappy situation. You are blaming a child for your CHOICE to give up all of the things you want.

You are 23 year old. There are tons of guys your age without children. A college campus is the best place to find to them.

Get out now. Things will only get worse. Child isn't ruining relationship - you and boyfriend are
Your 23 - go find some one with no kid

The other posters are right. The problem is Mr Fanstastic Boyfriend. He will not teach his son how to be a member of society. He will not teach his son to be responsible for his own property and himself.He will not teach his son how to respect adults. Yet you harbour all the hatred or just intolerance towards a child who did not ask to be born to these 2 people.

This is one of those times when you are going in with your own created blinkers on. You find fault with the child for the situation his father has created. He is a picky eater because his father lets him. He will not clean up because he father has no expectations to do so. All because he is not with his son's mother.

Well boo hoo. Some men NEVER see their children because they are taken to another country (my son never sees his kids since his wife took them to Japan and never came back)or their crazy arse ex killed them and herself. Your ABF (Amazing Boy Friend) is not about to change. He is forming his own frat house/Camp *insert last name*.

My DH was a little like that when I met him. He didn't expect his sons to help out in any way. I asked him why his sons didn't do the dishes as in loading the dishwasher. He said they have to do chores at their mothers and this isn't fair that they do them at 2 houses. I asked him when they are going over to their mothers place to do her dishes tonight. He replied they weren't. So, my argument was if a child who lives with both their parents do the dishes every night how is that so different for his sons who just have the same amount of dishes in 2 different homes?

I do not think this is the man for you. At your age there are single men out there without children. You are a bed warmer and someone to keep him company until his firstborn arrives again.

Leave them to their frat house. Move out and just date him for a while. Do not stay over in his home but he can stay at yours. I bet he will move on pretty quickly to another girl with extra funds for his household.

This guy is a terrible parent, no matter what the reason. HE is the problem. Children don't magically know what is expected in normal, polite households, they learn those things from good parents.

Ditch this guy. You are too early in life to saddle yourself with that sort of problem. There are plenty of awesome guys out there who are childless or who at least attempt to be a good parent. You will resent the current situation more and more as time goes on if you stay in it. Don't waste years of your life on someone who doesn't respect you, who is a bad parent, who allows his child to disrespect you, etc. Double up on the birth control too--you don't want to be stuck with him and his shitty parenting the rest of your life.

I am 25 and have a 4 almost 5 year old stepson so I think my situation makes me more relatable to your situation than some of the others on here. I'm sorry to tell you this but I don't feel the way you do and I think if you already feel this burnt out about it then you need to go ahead and leave. You are only wasting your time. It will not get better, he will not become a better parent once you marry him or even when you two have children. The first thing I did when I accepted my husband's offer to "date" was to accept him for what he is but only IF I agreed with that I saw first. I watched him parent, I paid attention to the Ex and how her and DH's parenting differed, I read books on steplife and looked up sites like this and statistics. I knew it was going to be hard and I know now that my family is still in the honeymoon phase of steplife. You should have made your peace with this before and if you haven't by now, you never will and you need to stop wasting everyone's time including your own. A lot of younger women who jump into dating a guy with a kid automatically blames the kid or the kid's mom for his behavior and that is just an illusion they tell themselves instead of accepting this person probably isn't the one you should be with. Move on. Every year gets harder in every way. Just think how the kid will behave when he hit puberty without a father who teaches him how to treat you?

Please listen to all the responses. Everyone that's been in your situation is saying the same thing. You're young. If you resent the child this much now, you will resent him more later. That's what happened to me. In addition, I went from having SS 50% of the time to having him all the time with his mother out of the picture for a period. It can happen and what can you say to DH. You can't not take the child in; it's DH's son, so you need to be prepared of that possibility. Life becomes more than miserable when you have a DH that doesn't properly parent because of guilt or other reasons.

On the other hand, I love SD and I'm fine living with her full-time or not. I never hated her like I hate SS. His personality and character is crappy has only gotten worse. Additionally, as I predicted, SS was sad and angry that I was pregnant and he still isn't fond of DS. SD, on the other hand, loves DS immensely.

You are not stuck but you do have a choice to make. In my mind your choice is to either suck it up and realize that change in the situation is extremely unlikely and you choose to stick with it.

Or.... realize that " "can you pick up your toys before you go to bed please?" because I don't want to step on a damn Lego set when I get water from the kitchen his dad says something like "yeah will you just clean the whole house, son?"" is the fatal character flaw of this kids failed parental example of a father and not the kid. Since the father is your current choice for an equity life partner and the problem is the father..... then your other choice, and the obvilous one IMHO, is to cut your losses, move on, and find a life partner who will make you and his relationship with you his priority and not turn a basic instruction to a child to pick up his crap into a cut at you.

leave the relationship, it will be better for all involed

You are 23. Get the hell out ASAP. There are sooo many more guys for you..trust me. Do not waste your young years. He is the one with baggage, not you. You are free as a bird. Live free. And also he is disrespectful to you on top of that. Chile puhleeease hit the bricks and don't look back

You are young. Leave this relationship. You are unhappy & hiding in a bedroom? No girl, I've been there, just no, kid goes to his room. Are you getting alone time with your man when the kids around? If not, ask for it if you need it to reconnect. A kid that age will understand & be able to be left alone for short periods, in fact it is good for kids. Your guys the problem as everyone has stated. Your man disrespects you & your efforts.

I implemented a rule in my house, it's called put it away if you don't want me to chuck it. Any toy, article of clothing, etc. that isn't in its right place or put away, will be confiscated. You want to play with a different toy, you put the old one away first. I'll hold onto whatever item, until the slobbish behavior stops. If more stuff is left out, I take more. I take it all. I issued the threat one time & I acted the first time stuff was left out. If it continues to happen, I'll throw all confiscated items away. It teaches kids how to take care of stuff & SS is old enough.

Kids will complain about food, tell him unless something is very bad you'd appreciate if he kept negative comments to himself. & if he continues to complain every day, you will take the meal away & he can go hungry the rest of the night. Don't like it, don't eat. Either way, don't change your diet for a skid. Please don't start eating chicken nuggets every night or making separate meals.

There are solutions to the problems, but you can't do it alone. You need a man that works with you. Why not get a man with far less baggage that actually respects you? Do you know how many single 25-30 year old guys would appreciate a woman that cooks for him this day in age? You could have it made!

YOU ARE NOT STUCK. CHOOSE YOURSELF! This man is a *(& and will always put you second.
Take it from me, it does not get better if he won't do the work to make it better.
Mine blames me. It is never the skid's fault.
I married my misery and now I have to get divorced from it to regain my sanity and spend my remaining years happily.
I am twice your age and don't have the options you do to go out and build a life with someone as a young person.
GO FIND A MAN WHO WILL PUT YOU FIRST.
Good luck honey.

Oh my darling. I feel for you. I've read your original post, and everyone's responses. (By the way, oh how I wish I was 23 again.).

Moving on, I know that everyone is telling you to leave. And you know what? Sadly, they're probably right. Sometimes I wish I'd left my husband years and years ago. (I met him when I was 29 and he had a 6-year-old son). Only I didn't leave, and what helped me to survive the situation, was simply to stay at my parents house when my SO had his son over. The stepson stayed over every other weekend, from Saturday morning, to late Sunday afternoon. And you know what I'd do? I'd take extra shifts from work, see friends, go places, and spend time with my parents who I was staying with, for one night once a fortnight. It worked beautifully . (That is my first suggestion for now) . Although, the thing that has changed from THAT arrangement recently, is that about 2 months ago, SS swore at me in a string of abusive text messages, and I have since banned him from our house, and told the ex-wife so. (A story I'm about to post in this very forum).

However, in YOUR case ....... I know that people telling you to 'just leave' is easier said than done. It's like telling you to just quit your job, just put your dog down, just sell your house, just buy a new car, just move countries.

Having said that, the situation that you're in can't go on like this any longer. You DO need to shake things up. You could try taking baby steps before doing the big DUMPING your boyfriend. You could start by staying at your parents this weekend (or a friend) just to get some space.

You could then start having conversations with your SO, and telling him that you're not going to take it for too much longer. You could also try going away for two weeks , to see how you feel about the whole situation then ! You never know....... Let's say you go away to another state.... And get a taste of freedom.... You never know.... You might never look back. I had a girlfriend who did the same. At first, the idea of just LEAVING was too intimidating for her. But she went away for a week, and the time away cleared her head, and gave her the courage she needed .

Take care love. Xxxxxx. Ooooooo