kids are great
I am new to this site and new to living with children. The kids are awesome. They respect and listen to me. I know they love me and I love them. I am not married to their mother but we live together. Sounds perfect right?
The problem is that we can have HUGE arguments if I seem irritated with something the kids are are not doing. I am not perfect, I work 60 hours a week and I have some stress. Sometimes I get irritated and sometimes it shows. I really am fun loving and patient. The kids are not bothered if I move my seat because I can't see the TV based on where they are standing, but their mother is. I don't ask them to move, I really am ok with moving but I am told there is something in my body language that makes it seem like I am irritated with one of the kids and she can't take it. This can create a distance between us and she won't talk to me, look at me or touch me for hours.
How can I help her see that I am allowed to get irritated? The kids are 5 and 8. I am worried that this isn't going to work. Right now, it is small because I really am not irritated with them, but I am sure there will be times when I am. Am I not allowed as a grown-up member of the household to have these feelings? Is this what it will be like always?
Does your DW ever get
Does your DW ever get irritated with her own children? How does she react?
Yes, she clearly gets
Yes, she clearly gets irritated with them. When she reacts and gets upset with them she says it is OK because they are her children.
I can relate to your story
I can relate to your story except I truly am irritated at the kids, at times. Most of the crap that bugs me also bugs by FDH too and he'll tolerate it for awhile and then blow a fuse at them. He has shared with me that when I get upset at the kids he takes it personally - as if I'm directly criticizing him and his parenting. And, I'll admit that sometimes that is the case. But, most of the time, it's not really that deep. I also work long hours and travel for work and - by the way - am human! As I've said to my FDH: I'm allowed to get annoyed, get over it. There are times when we can actually laugh about the annoying things and make jokes.
I suggest having a heart to heart on the topic with your girlfriend away from the kids. Ask her how she'd prefer you express your frustrations. Not being able to 1) get frustrated, or 2) express your frustration are not viable options but finding a way to communicate better is the key. Her answers and reaction to the discussion will tell you a lot.
This is good advise. I will
This is good advise. I will have a heart to heart and see how she would choose me to express my frustrations. We are in therapy and have been since we have been together. Therapy is a positive force in our lives.
Why are the kids not being
Why are the kids not being taught that standing in front of the tv is rude? Good question. I have many questions like that, that I just don't understand. Many rude at home behaviors that are very rude and she would be humiliated if they did it at someone else's house or if someone was over and saw how they behave. She wasnts them to feel like they can let loose in their home. I can see that, but at their age it is hard for them to tel the difference as to what is rude in front of others and what is rude anywhere and what is rude with their family/ I bite my tongue.
I am a teacher and I have both the kids in school. The respect and the way I expect to be treated by them is established at school and carries over at home for the most part.
I hear you that the respect will not last. I fear that but hate operating based on fear.
Lots of good advise from all of you. Thanks you very much.