Just a chat....
I have been on here 4 weeks now and after reading more posts than I have read books..LOL..It has occured to me that in the U.S. you have alot more support from the legal system than we do here in Australia. You guys actually have rulings on schooling, who's responsibility this or that belongs to. You have family mediation available for many situations that have to include BM and SM. Although we have mediation, it's only to work out the access rights of the non-custodial parent. Child support here is determined by a percentage of the BD's wage depending on how many other children he has and how many hours he has the child/ren over the BM.
I haven't really heard of anyone getting allocated sporting things, schooling responsibilities and court orders for a child not to be left alone with another step sibling or things like that (can't remember all the things I read and think 'wow', they do that!!). I have read all these things in different posts and I find it very interesting how in depth and thorough your systems are about children and their right to a happy family life and a valid part of BD and his new family.
I think it's great and am interested to hear other things that happen in the U.S. or U.K. with blended families and see how they differ from here in Australia.
Catch xx
What would you like to know?
Are there specific questions you would like answered? Each states in the US has different guidelines where custody is concerned.
Oh, trust me...
The court system here is very much messed up and it isn't as great as it appears. Believe me. BD's here get put through the ringer constantly and they are the ones that literally have to jump through hoops for any of their true rights to be recognized. BM's really benefit greatly here, but there is a slow crawl in recognizing BD's rights. There are more and more cases where the dad's are granted custody now then ever before, but it hasn't been that and there still is quite a lot of issues.
I think it's the 'grass is greener' scenario. LOL What may appear to be... wow, you get that, but what you don't see is what goes on behind the scenes here to get that.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
For instance....
In Australia we don't get sent to mediation unless the father goes to the family court after access and can't agree with the BM, and usually only if he is using Legal Aid (free legal assisted by the Oz Government) or it is a cheaper alternative if you are paying for lawyers.
It seems you guys can get sent to mediation for loads of things to work it all out. Is this a step before court or does it cost you as much as court?
Our Child Support system goes on approx 18% of your weekly pay (after tax) and that is for one child with no other children to say, your second wife. Is that about the same? Some people seem to talk about some really huge weekly or monthly amounts on this site. Either you guys get paid loads weekly or your child support is outrageous?
I won't ask to much at once
Oh and step mom...It's isn't all apples here either!! The BD usually always get the shit end of the stick and pretty much all rights are for the mum unless you have actual evidence (hardcore stuff) to prove her otherwise!! A percentage of men in australia commit suicide over child support debt, te court system and the inability to see their children!! Crazy world huh? No matter where you live
Catch xx
Hi Catch
I actually read about the suicide rate there that is a shame. I hope one day the courts there will acknowledge that the children should go to the parent who can give the child the best care and has been there for the kids. That is not always the Mother.
The court system here in the states lean more towards the Mom as well. Depends on what Judge you get. We have one that leans more towards the BM. If the situation was turned around and it was my Husband who left his children and left the country he would not have had as many privilidges or rights. It is a shame because my husband has stood by his kids since they were born and the children are his life. I feel bad for the kids due to all the abandonment issues they still have.
My husband has another court round coming up. He is attempting to get her child support raised because it is sooooo low and it doesn't even pay for babysitting. My husband is not a man with a lot of money. She is hiding her income in the country she lives in. How do the Bio Dads prove their income in Australia and verify it? Does the state keep track like they do here? I am curious how it works in other countries.
It varies from state to state within the US
Each state in the US has a formula for calculating CS. Some of them are better/worse than others, most are pretty similar. Where we lived, they took both biological parents' earnings and ability to earn into account and whomever made the most money was responsible for a larger chunk of the total support obligation. Let's say BM makes 50% more money than BF... she is responsible for 50% more of the CS amount. They also take into account how many days are spent with each parent, who pays for insurance and how much, whether there are any children being supported from a prior marriage/relationship, daycare costs, etc. They did NOT take into account that we had two children together to support. In the US, the "first" family gets money first. We went to mediation as a step to try to resolve issues so there wouldn't have to be an actual trial, but we still had to pay out the you-know-what for a good attorney. I think it's like this in most, if not all, states. At one point, my husband was paying HALF of his paycheck to her. That was several years ago and it was over $1300/month for two children. He was only making $2500/month. She took us back to court to get more, if you can believe that, when she found out I was pregnant and hubby was adopting my son, but we ended up winning that and came out paying less. He's now paying $800/month for two kids, which is definitely more reasonable... but there's no way in hell we spend $800/month on our two kids, so in that respect, no, it isn't fair.
What gripes me the most about this country is that the system places a higher priority on money than they do on visitation. I think that getting to spend an ample amount of time with both parents is just as important to children as the money, but the courts don't see it that way. Anyone who wants to establish CS or who is having trouble collecting CS can go to their state's Division of Child Support Enforcement and get free help to file a claim and prosecute the other parent for CS. However, there is no free legal aid whatsoever for parents who are having difficulty enforcing their right to visitation and, sadly, it's usually because of extreme CS payments that they can't afford an atty to fight for their visitation rights. If there's a Division of Child Support Enforcement, then there should also be a Division of Child Custody and Visitation Enforcement, in my opinion.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
My DH pays 30 %
of his income pre tax to BM. We also pay for their insurance, 50% med expenses, 30% day care & half of whatever BM signs them up for ( not required)
What is frusterating is that BM make almost twice what DH makes & when the divorced court didn't take that into account. However our laws changed w/in months of the divorce so when it comes time to have our review in a year hopefully that gets taken into account. Plus we are having our baby this summer so technically that could be figured in, but we would never ask for that.
I would just be happy if all we paid was child support & insurance & we didn't have to pay for the extra stuff. I mean what does CS pay for any how? Isn't day care part of supporting the child & should be covered under child support?
I feel the gverment should always take both parents income into consideration. It bnenefits the moms as well as the dads depending on the situation.
JMO
OMG!!
Your child support is so high!!! I'll give you a dollar example. If hubby earns say $650 per week which your average lower weekly wage in Australia, Hubby would have to pay about $100 per week. No daycare fee's are entered into and we have medicare in australia which is free medical for everyone for some things and a percentage of the cost of Specialists, hospital, surgeons and things like that.
But your local trip to the doctor is covered by medicare and if it's not, you would pay the doctor say $35 for the visit and then go to a medicare office and get about $28 rebate. Health insurance is optional to you for a higher level of cover and dental & eye stuff is included. Dental is not included in Medicare but all kids from Pre-school to grade 12 (last year of high school) get free dental by government dental vans that go from school to school or visiting a dentist that is a building within a primary school in your area (1 in every 15 schools has a dentist you just got o the closest one).
To prove income...everyones income is tracked through the Aust. taxation office (ATO) you get a group certificate (yearly income sheeet) from your employer just after june 30 (end of our financial year) you lodge all your group certificates to ATO and get cash back from the government for: paying to much tax (employers sometimes pay a few % more, so you get it back) you can claim a family supporting parent for spouse and kids and get a rebate, you get a medicare rebate for things you have paid for and a daycare rebate for 30% of your fee's. Or you get a bill if you haven't paid enough tax. Then these tax returns go to CSA (child support agency) which is a part of taxation office and it is assessed what you earn, what the BM earns and if you (hubby) are getting a tax return (usually anything from $200 to $3000 or more)and you owe any child support they take all hubby's tax return and give it to the BM. For every other child you have DH gets an extra $9000 of his wage exempt from paying child support. Oh and the best thing in Australia, the SM's wage is not entered into and BM gets none of that.
Hope that was understandable...so confusing to explain!!
Catch xx
We're in the process right now...
of getting cs for my SD... the sad thing to me is that the court isn't going to bother considering that DH is already paying cs for another child with another mother, on top of what he will have to pay for SD.
DCS (Department of Child Services) is requesting/demanding my DH pay $1000.00 per month for just SD. He's already paying about $440 per month for his son, and that took years for him to get it lowered. But that won't get considered into the equation. I personally think that is wrong, and that any child that is being supported should be taken into consideration, because you are shelling out monies for them too. It should all factor in.
The stepparents wage doesn't get included (supposedly), however I do know first hand that the courts will go in a round about way to attack it. At least everyone I know has. I have three friends where the judges either, figured it all as a 'household' income, and without taking directly from the SM, of course, they penalized the BF with paying more child support than what he should have been paying. In doing so, that forced the SM to 'cover' all the overflow expenses because the BF didn't have enough left over after they withdraw the cs from his paycheck. And then another friend, of the three, did have her income flat out lumped in with his, because she made more then him and the judge's reasoning was because... they were married, a unit, and she was head of the household, some bs by an overzealous judge. Oh, they went back to court, let me tell you. That was an ugly ugly ugly court case.
That's the sad part. I went in to support a friend of mine going through a divorce, and I tell you, it was awful what the judge did to some of these dad's. I felt for them. Her divorce was actually quite amicable, but they still just wanted to have things done through the courts, and the judge just reamed him for nothing. There's just no accountability for judges. Everyone else is accountable or has someone to answer to, why not judges? That's how I feel.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
They have it right to a degree..
..here in australia, as they calculate things a bit more fairly so Dh has a chance to have another family and still live financially.
But on the other hand our system for seeking access and/or custody of a child is terrible! The most common ruling is every second weekend and half of all school holidays. It is rare that 50/50 custody is done and if it is, it's because DH and BM have an amicable agreement in doing so. A BM just has bring up one bad thing against a man to lower his custody, yet for a man to do that he would have to have 5 charges and 10 misdemeanours against the BM. Our court system is very favourable to the BM.
Grandparents who don't get along with BM (such as the DH's parents) can also go for visitation, even if their son (DH) doesn't allow it. The court can go against both bio mum and dad. They believe grandparents are a big part of a childs life. How does US go with that sort of thing?
Catch xx
Again, depends on the state.
And I've researched this one, believe me, because I have a huge problem with my parents stomping all over the boundaries and actually had my stepdad threaten to go to court to get custody of my son. (Yeah, right. As if he had a chance.)
In my state, as long as there's no abuse or anything like that, the courts will generally side with the parents.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
My DH oftens wants to ask the judge....
Does that ruling come with Vaseline? LOL.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Too Funny!!!
I am going have to remember that one!!!!!