I'm at that crossroads right now. I'm engaged and I was also told that the BM and daughter weren't going to be any problem whatsoever--- well it's starting to look like they will be and I honestly can't be bothered with either of them- I want him to hang out with his daughter and have a relationship with her- I just don't want to be involved in it ( he wants me to)

Im thinking of breaking off the relationship

Most likely not, because I sort of feel like I was sold a lie. 

DH painted a false picture of BM, I think out of shame. I mean, who would willingly fall for a “good Christian woman” who would end up trapping you with a pregnancy, emotionally/verbally/physically abuse you, and turn out to be a habitual cheater, breaking-up families in her path of sex crazed selfish destruction, amiright!?

Ditto in regards to his parents. That they were the perfect married couple, #1 human beings on the planet, and loving grandparents. They’re anything but. My MIL’s pernicious behavior, alone, has taken its toll on my and DH’s marriage.

Not a snowball's chance in hell.

If only we could get visits from our future selves! I always had my doubts with my X the Idiot, but I put them on one side because he seemed such a nice person. I'm sure the woman he is dating now thinks the same. I was advised not to warn her about him, and if number 3 had warned me I would have ignored her. I should have kept my house for sure, what I did was an act of faith but in the end he was a deeply flawed, cowardly man who had never learned the value of honesty and respect. I seriously over estimated the content of his character.

However, I cannot go back and give counsel to that vulnerable woman I was- I do feel I am a better, wiser, kinder, stronger and braver person than she was. That I don't regret- we had some good times before the rot set in- but I should not have sold my house- that was the major mistake for me.

Sorry, first post here, but I can't resist this subject. No, I would have absolutely run for the hills if I had known the following:

1) Nothing I care about would matter. I would end up feeling violated every day when I say the stepkid needs to stay out of our bedroom, only to have him allowed to traipse in like he owns the place anytime he wants, and my husband scold me if I tell him to get out. 

2) He would be the biggest spoiled brat I've ever met. Not to mention totally ADHD, but his parents think he's so adorable and active, and won't get him an evaluation and the dump truck load of Ritalin he needs to function in normal society.

3) That my husband would 100% prioritize this awful kid over everything to do with us. He knows I don't want him around, so he takes every spare minute he can get and even volunteered to babysit the brat on my birthday!!

4) That this idiot of a judge would grant 50/50 custody. I honestly thought this was going to be an every other weekend situation, but I feel like he never goes home and I can't take it. 

So no. If I knew then what I know now, my husband wouldn't have even gotten a first date, far less everything else he's gotten from me. 

That's a tough question for me actually. I'm in a good place in our relationship right now and so happy with our daughter we have I would have trouble wanting to take it back. On the other hand if you told me that I had to go back 10 years and start over I absolutely wouldn't. And if we were to break up I don't think I would ever date anyone with kids again.

No!!!!!

Probably not. Even though we are in a good place currently, and enjoying the longest period of calm in 25 years, no way would I go through all of that crap again. Such dysfunction, and such drama from DH's kids, BMs, and especially his family of origin. I feel that I've suffered a lot for other people's mistakes and issues.

You raise an interesting point.

With hindsight, for me, it is to learn the lesson, not repeat the mistake.:)

No

.... and I'm thinking, Do I need to insist on a post-nuptual agreement before doing any real estate with DH? Already planning to NOT move or buy a house so long as SS18 lives with us because I do not want to live with the lazy, lying, disrespect ever again. DH has an old resentment against his own parents for not letting him move back in during his 1st divorce (decades ago in his mid-20's but still) and I can see manipulative SS pulling those heart-strings down the road to get DH to let him move back in... and NO I am not willing to accept that. I want to be respected in my home, and I don't want to live with an adult adolescent. Didn't forsee how the Guilty Daddy syndrome could hobble an otherwise straight-shooter but man, SS works DH's soft spot like nobody else could... and gets sympathy and assistance for his self-imposed dilemna's.

If I'd known what I know now I would have gotten a pre-nup or just remained girlfriend instead of becoming wife. I wouldn't have put DD & SS on my insurance or combined finances. I am currently about to separate finances because DH has now stated he wants to "help" SS18 with car insurance, gas, community college... after years of us telling SS he could drive when he gets licensed & pays his own gas & insurance. My income & credit needs to be removed from those equasions based on everything I read here on StepTalk.

I'm not sure I would have either. Although it would have been a struggle as my DH and I have a wonderful relationship, the ex and kids are the problem.

No I would not. I intentionally did not date men with young children then. I figured that since his DDs were adults they would have their own lives.

Oh no, was I wrong! And I lost so much respect for him how he was their buddy rather than their father. 

Now, if he didn't have adult children, we would have never had the stressors that have caused problems, and my answer would be different.  If we were each other's first marriage and had our own children, I think it would have been a great match.

I have such a amazing man and our relationship was built off of friendship first (we've known one another since 14) so we have a solid foundation BUT I don't like having to share a man - I hate that he has a past life and 3 boys with another woman. If it was my way, they'd be gone and it would just be us and our son and daughter. I didn't get that lucky. Overall though, I don't think I would have gotten involved. I NEVER wanted a man with kids and now I know 1st hand why! 

I would never tell my DH this because it would hurt him horribly. But if I had known how difficult it was going to be whenever the SS8 is around then NO I would not have married this guy.

It's interesting that everyone is saying "no" right now. I've seen this question posed before where the answers were a unanimous "yes".

Wonder why there is a mood change right now? Maybe it's that we are all recovering from Father's Day, one of the top three exclusionary events on the annual calendar?

No way!

I am a part of the club that is divided, would never tell DW that I wish I could go back and not move across country to be with her, and eventually marry her ( her girls have broken parts of me I never knew could be broken ) but at the same time now I have these two innocent precious Grand skids who I love dearly and yet again in the back of my mind there is a voice that whisper "RUN" , who's to say these two will be any different that the first.  I really need to be fitted for a "I love me Jacket"  (straight jacket).

it’s nice to read all this stuff from people who understand. I do wish I married someone who didn’t have a child and an ex but I had 2 beautiful children and sad to say it’s the only thing I got out of this. My life and experiences have been horrible. It has only been 4 years of marriage and it’s felt like an eternity. I envy friends who have that nuclear family and don’t have issues like this. It has been years of being abused by BM and having my own husband turned against me. It’s gotten so bad that I just take care of my kids. I can barely look at my husband and I cringe when his child is here. I think we all know what’s it like to be treated like the enemy for no good reason. My kids would be the only reason to do this again. In fact I told my husband last night marrying him was a mistake told him I wasn’t cut out to be a stepmother. 

All;s well that ends well.  I would still marry DH but I would never have even met SS.

I honestly don't know...

On one hand, I wouldn't be dealing with drama, no court, no loss of money to BM's debt, no arranging my schedule around kid's, no living with my in-laws because we've lost so much to BM's s***, no fear that someone is going to show up and whisk away the girls at any second... I wouldn't have to live in this middle of nowhere town because we can't move due to some CO that's not even used.

On the other, no DH, I wouldn't have my best friend and soulmate. And while my life would have beyond less drama and I'd be working my dream job. I feel like part of me would feel something was missing. It's rough now, but we have been going uphill... So as there's improvement, I do feel life is going to continue to improve. Also I have two amazing girls right now. (we'll see how I feel once they hit their teen years... lol)

So it could go either way... We're also wroking to get me to my dream job again so i don't have to miss out on that either.

Yes, I would marry DH all over again. BUT I would have done a whole lot of things differently, that's for sure.

Our kids were adults (chronologically) when we married, and first and foremost I would not have wasted YEARS trying to get them to like me. Once I gave that up, put up some boundaries with DH, and disengaged, THEN things got much better all around.

My IDGAF kicked in solidly a few years ago.

No

Was married before and thought it was bad. Oh how I would sell my soul to get my first husband back. His exwife just moved to Europe and SS is off to college on the other side of the country! I'll never have that kind of luck with my second husband. Sorry to be so honest....

I would marry my DH again in a heartbeat. He is my husband, partner, lover, best friend, and biggest fan/supporter. He is the love of my life.

• I KNEW going in that BioHo was a skanky, psychotic, wh0ring hosebeast from Hell.
• I KNEW that DH was Disney-Dadding it.
• I SAW the signs that the SDs would turn into mini-BioHos and ignored them.

However, I would have done things a little differently.

• I would have gone in Disengaged.
• I would have insisted on some basic rules to avoid conflict.
• I would NEVER have lifted a finger to do squat for those gaslighting twatwaffle SDs.
• And there is a strong possibliity that Evil Aniki would have confronted BioHo in a public, yet private setting, and, in a low voice, told 'Ho in no uncertain terms, that if she EVER screwed with me, I would gladly introduce her to a place where she'd never be found.