My husband got custody 4 years ago. The judge gave BM a one year break before she was to start paying.

This pisses me off. Has any man ever been given a one year break before having to start paying CS? What B.S.

Our BM kept saying the judge told her she didn't have to pay...NOT.

Then she said she would catch up when she got her disability lump sum payment. She owed for 3.5 years at that point. She gave DSO a whopping $100 bucks when she got her lump sum.

BM did spent $2 bucks on back to school clothes at a yard sale, so I guess she feels she has paid her dues.

First of all, I wouldn't worry, because as has been said, no judge is going to give custody to a mom who has been out of the picture. She might get time increased from whatever she has if she went to court, but only if she is at the very least taking the kids for the time she has already had awarded (and it sounds like she isn't) and can demonstrate an improvement in whatever circumstances led her to not having custody. And I doubt she could get it together to file anyhow (or would really want to)- she is just trying to alienate sd from dad and sm.

I think it is time for dad to sit sd down and explain that he isn't keeping her from mom, that a judge decided that is was best for them to live with dad and that mom has the right to see them X amount of time. He should do it in a non-judgmental way, but explaining the facts of the case. He should also try not to tell sd anything about her mom or her mom's behavior that she doesn't know- ie if mom is an addict and ad doesn't remember that, I wouldn't bring it up; but if mom used to leave the kids home alone while bar hopping and this is something the kids remember, it would be okay to mention that as part of the judge's reasoning.