I need some guidance...
My fiance and I are always fighting. Last night I took all of your much appreciated advice a talked to him about what was bothering me, that we need 100%communication, and that we needed to start making decisions for our family and our future and stop dwelling on the past. He agreed. He also stated that both myself and his ex have told him in the last few days that he holds on to things and can't seem to forgive or let go. He told me that she specifically said "why are you holding on to all the things I have done to you when you have started the new wonderfull life and have found somebody you want to share your life with, you know if you don't get over it, it will push her away" I was floored, because she is right. I really think this is what is holding us back. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I honestly just want to walk away.
Your advice is heard loud and clear...
Trust me a walk down the isle feeling like this is not my idea of a good time. I am thinking we are a couple years off on the big day, I am really in no rush.
When his ex told him that he needs to let go of the past he said he just thought she was saying the same things she always said and complained about when they where married. It wasn't until I said the same thing that he got the message. I think it really hit home. I think he is finally realizing that maybe this is something he really needs to work on. We will see. I just want to keep the communication going so that we can come out stronger when the dust settles.
Thanks again!
Me too ...
You are lucky to have a BM who is that way ...
If DH realizes the problems give him time. My DH held on to a lot too and really hated BM - still does. But he has eventually moved past it because he does hate her so much for what she did to him.
If you can lock down the need to communicate and ways to communicate, he can get past the "holding on with hatred" part ... with your help and love. My DH did ...
~ Katrina
Thanks Mocha
I no I am really lucky to have a BM who is the way she is. For the most part she and I have a good relationship. Reading some of the others nightmares makes me very greatfull for this.
I think DH does realize the problems and is trying to work on them, he is just really terrible at venting when he is hurting. We had a long chat last night about both of us trying to be better listeners. When we first got together we both were so open and honest and helpfull to each other. Now that we are totally emotionally invested in one another it is really easy become personally offended by things going on in each others lives. We both commited to improving this. I am hoping if I become a better listener he will open up and let go of some of the pain. I hope.
Funny ...
Me and my DH were that way too ... communicated better when we first started dating then now.
~ Katrina
I have been going through a
I have been going through a similar situation. We fought more about what BM had done than anything. I never took up for her but it drove me nuts that he let her get to him so much. But in recent months my fiance has stopped being AS bitter about the past. We have been working on it together. We are the opposite than when we first starting dating. I think he was scared to let everything out then. Still working on the communication thing though. Think all men have this problem