I have extreme jealousy of my fiances exwife and it's causing alot of problems in our relationship
I have extreme anxiety and anger for my fiances exwife. We are both divorced and have 2 boys each ages 14, 14, 11 & 9.
If he picks up his sons who live an hour away she wants him to stop by her work. Yesterday she is in the back of our van and touches him on shoulder to discuss something in private. She has refused to come to our house because she can't handle that he and I are togethar. I know she has her own problems and never expected to lose him completely.
My problem, I was in an abuse and emotional divorce. I have abandonment issues from my own parents. When she touches him, or wants to be best friends, talk about her bills or personal problems it angers me.
Why can't they just discuss the children? why does she have to touch him? She even wanted to hug him because his mom has health problems.
I trust him, I love him he is the most wonderful person I have ever met. But i can totally be insecure and unreasonable when she does these things and I take it out on him. I need help, i know he loves me, but im so afraid he might still want her. im afraid that she wants him back. my concern with him is he just tells me if i have a problem "call her" or it's not a big deal. but it's so big to me that i can emotionally uncontrollable.
please help me,,,give me some advice to know i need to trust him enough to pick up his children and not let it anger me when she is inappropriate. i am desperat3e he is threatening to comne back home just to take his clothes. he and i and our 4 children have a wonderful stable family. the problems arise every friday when she does something inappropriate.
Franv...why are you thinking
Franv...why are you thinking anything negative here about yourself? You are not jealous or insecure, you are not the one with a problem. You and your feelings are not wrong. The situation is wrong. Your fiance is wrong and his ex is way wrong. You are the only one who is right in this whole story. Your fiance should not for one second allow any physical contact between himself and his ex whether you are around or not. It should make him feel as uncomfortable as it makes you! Anyway, no matter how much it bothers him or not, he should respect that he has you and demand, not ask nicely, but demand that she refrain from touching him ever again. If he needs to set her straight, remind her that he has moved on and that he has a fiance, then he needs to do it and should have done it long ago. That is insane that you should have to witness her touching him. That is soooo out of line. She may be doing it partly to make you mad. If she acts like that, I would end the face to face encounters. Kids can be dropped of in the driveway and walk to the door themselves. They can discuss parent issues over the computer or phone. And you are correct, they do not need to discuss anything except the kids and shouldn't. If he needs a friend, he has you, not her. She is the EX. Your fiance seriously needs a talking to, from you, and then he needs to lay down the law with the ex. If he still has something for her, and for some reason desires the physical contact from her, then you have a problem, but better to get it out in the open. I would guess that he is just being an insensitive idiot who doesn't want to rock the boat with the ex. Too bad, you deserve so much more respect that that. If he doesn't understand the big deal, ask him if he would mind if your ex boyfriend came over and started putting his hands all over you?? Don't blame yourself. He has to shape up.
"Your fiance should not for
"Your fiance should not for one second allow any physical contact between himself and his ex whether you are around or not. It should make him feel as uncomfortable as it makes you!" Ditto this. He needs to address this with his ex. I would flip my sh!t if this was my situation.
I decided to get some dirt on
I decided to get some dirt on my BM asking my DH to send email chains from her....
she is a bitch to him.....and demands this and that in the emails....but then in her bipolar way...she is nice to him....well I was really annoyed....especially when he was nice back....only a couple of words but Hi, hows the boys? really infuriated me....
So I would much prefer to see them arguing and he being a horror and she being horror back than them being nice...so I sort of know where you are coming from....
he really shouldnt be at her place.... :jawdrop:
neither should they be having secret conversations....but, once you have walked the isle....maybe she might feel less comfortable in doing such behaviours or commanding such visits.....
I know in my personal situation things that the ex and dh were doing I would no way approve of now....u know...her coming around and inviting herself into his home to discuss child support or such...now the bitch isnt even allowed in her car on my driveway or ill get the shotgun out and aim then shoot....and she knows it....
so maybe say something tactful ...like...your relationship with your ex seems to worry me....makes me feel like your sharing emotinally still??
I truly believe that if you
I truly believe that if you foster a positive relationship with your ex and the mother of his kid, you will benefit. It is an important relationship that you can't control. He needs to figure out the boundaries he is comfortable with and I think you should allow him to. Nothing but good can come from the kids seeing their parents get along and feeling comfortable in each others house.
If he truly wants to be with you, he will no matter how much she demands. And, being demanding, she will only dig her own grave in the situation. Not too many men can balance the needs of 2 women.
It takes a big heart to be a stepparent!
Yep, takes a big heart to be
Yep, takes a big heart to be a step parent, a heart that I for sure do not have.
Nope, I don't think your husband should be at the exes house, not even for the *gasp* precious children's sake!
I agree with this. SO and BM
I agree with this. SO and BM can "get along" without touching or spending time together or having "private" conversations.
He had sex with her in the past, and there is no reason to pretend it didn't happen and act like they can be "friends."
He wouldn't want your ex touching you or having private conversations with you. He shouldn't expect you to deal with garbage he wouldn't put up with.
Additionally, BM has already made it clear that she has a problem with you and with your relationship with him. If she's going to have a problem with your relationship, she should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be touching him. It's competitive and gross.
You are not the one with the problem.
DH is.
Tell him to figure it out or get out.
I must also add extra comment
I must also add extra comment here.....
most exes are normal...reasonable...dont try to alienate the new wife and the family etc....
but....
the ex wives discussed in this forum are NOT WELL BEHAVED NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS...OTHERWISE I DO NOT THINK WE WOULD BE BOTHERED COMING HERE...LET ALONE REQUESTING ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM...
Im am happy to meet any of my husbands ex wives but the moment they recruit kids and adults as part of a strategic hate drive against me....then im like a women left scorned.