You are here

I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT- SORT OF!!!

dee23's picture

Ok, so Ive been upset at how my middle Step son has been acting zombie-like, distant and somewhat lost. We've come to the conclusion that there is def. something medically wrong with him (or psychologically) and it needs to be addressed by a professional. HOWEVER....there's a new twist!!

I mentioned in previous posts that I have 3 step sons and the oldest lives with us (me and husband). The 2 youngest still live with bio-mom. They are 8 and 10. The 10 yr old and 14 yr old are fine...meaning our relationship is good. However, the 8 year old, who used to be so affectionate, attentive, sweet and almost clingy (as early as 2 months ago) is now being manipulative, telling WHOPPING lies, acting helpless at times and refusing to listen to rules sometimes. Well, my husband and I just found out that back about 2 months ago, when the bio-mom found out that not only was I getting ready to deliver our first baby (and its a girl)...but that me and bio-dad got married, she went home, told the 2 youngest step sons, " Well, your Dad and "her" got married,so dont think you're going to be calling her mom now!"

Bio- mom has ALWAYS had a problem with my husband being with anyone but her...even tho she is married and has 2 more kids (girls) with her husband. Shes angry about lots of things...he never married her..etc...however, shes a trouble maker, jealous, and bitter. I see now that she's starting in on the 2 younger step kids like she did to my oldest when he was that age. My oldest step son used to behave the same way the youngest one is now. EXACTLY THE SAME! My husband got him to revel that bio-mom, grandma and other relatives on her side of the family would talk negatively about me and outright say, " Well we dont like her down here..." So, he felt like he had to choose between me and his mom - thanks to her stupid ass.

Now, the little one is saying he's afraid to ask me for food (yet he tells me every time hes hungry and I happily make his meals. I'm the one who takes care of them everyday, take them to the pool, talk to them, joke with them, etc...all this BullS*** about how he's "afraid" is nonsense. Earlier tonight he finally did what he used to do...and give me a hug. I dont yell at him. I correct him when he misbehaves, but I never even have to yell. My oldest step son talked to him and told him that he needed to knock off the Bull*** and stop lying about me. My oldest is here all day every day and is around to see everything. Both older boys got a little upset with him and said, 'Shes not mean to you, why do you say that?? You'd better cut it out..she takes care of you... Sad thing is...when I sat down with him (youngest) a few days ago, he tried to pull the same EXACT crap with me about HIS step father (bio moms husband).."ohh hes so hard on us, ohh hes mean to us, ohwhaa waahh wahh." I talked to the middle step son in private and asked him about how the step dad treated them and he had nothing bad to say. He looked at me like I had two heads when I brought up what his younger brother had said about the step dad and me. He told me AND his father that The step dad was nice to them and that at times he would have to correct them..but only when they were doing something wrong.

I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!! I've tried to be a good step parent and show this kid a better way. I've taken care of him and fed him foods besides Ramen F'n Noodles like his sorry mother. She wont cook for them, they have to get their own meals most of the time...and their diet consists of Mc Donalds, Ramen noodles, hot dogs, chips and pop tarts; and a dose of Nyquil for dessert. Oh...but Im the bad guy???? This makes me want to not deal with him because to me, he is going to cause problems. The last thing I need is to be falsely accused of this crap, when in fact I take better care of him than she does.

How can I cope with this misrable Bit** of a bio mom, and how do I keep motivated to NOT withdraw from him?

stepmasochist's picture

You are very fortunate to have the oldest SS on your side. My oldest skid, SD11 remembers the events that led up to her father seeking custody. She remembers living with her mother but not having any food in the house, no help with homework or someone that would let her play sports. DH's aunt has seen her set the other two straight on the who, what, hows and whys of their situation. They still want to drink the BM koolaid of bullsh!t though and I can't blame them for that. It's their mom. What kid doesn't want to think the best of their mother? But I think having an oldest skid there who knows the score and that the other two listen to is very helpful.

Best of luck!