Same here notagain2012.

I agree, and identify, with what you said. Fortunately DH did reiterate to them that I am his wife and I will be here long after they move on in life. That, however, was the only thing he said to them. He came to realize, once I did do what's called disengaging, how horrible the SKids really are and what I was dealing with. I think denial was a big part of it, he just couldn't comprehend how underhanded they could be...yet they both (twins) have their father's intelligence and their mother's personality? Only a sensory deprived person could not grasp the facts? Like I said, denial was a huge part of it. When you are a concientious person and others around you seem totally lacking it's very, VERY, frustrating...right?

I feel the same way you do. We have added stressors on top of the SS and BM, but if if were not for them, I know we would most likely be able to make it. The things they have done to me have created so much toxicity in our marriage because DH is a pushover and does not stand up for me. He treats me like I am the enemy and he and his darling little boy are a team and I am against them. He is a Disneyland Daddy who cares more about winning in this competition of who SS likes more, him or BM, that he sacrifices his wife's feelings and his marriage's happiness and future. I now too question whether or not I could be a mother. ( I have had losses and when I am feeling extremely blue and crazy I can't help but wonder if that is not God's way of protecting these babies from having to live in this life with these people and his way of trying to show me that I am not meant to be a mother to this man's children...awful, huh?) with the losses and with seeing my DH parent my SS, the bitterness has made me feel like I want nothing to do with children, mine, or anyone elses. I know that would all change if I were to leave and remarry someone normal with no children, but in all honesty, I don't think I would ever want to remarry because that would be a foolproof way of self protection from ever letting someone else in to destroy my life. I think back all the time to my life before I met DH. Nice 2 bdrm apt, a little dog, wine nights and Sex and the City marathons...lol, PEACE AND QUIET, doing what I wanted when I wanted with no one to ruin it, taking care of myself, going to the gym, being in GREAT shape (now, because of depression and just general not giving a damn, I am 20 lbs over weight and miserable and don't have the motivation to do any of the things I used to really enjoy. not having to think of any one else, no DH to tend to, argue with, resent, sometimes hate, sure I got lonely from time to time as I had came out of a 4 year relationship before I met DH and lived alone in that apt before I met DH. When I met him, I thought, "THANK YOU GOD!!! You didn't forget me, I made the right choice in leaving that dead end relationship, I do deserve happiness and companionship and marriage." I thought I had found the man of my dreams. He was divorced and had a 2 yr old. Because of his work, the SS was with his Mom the majority of the time, so I had no clue how bad it would be. Plus, at the time, BM, never showed her true colors either. I call it blissful ignorance. I was happy when I lived alone, but had convinced myself that something was missing, that I was in my late 20's and needed to find a husband. I did, just the wrong one. I had it made then, I just didn't know it. I have disengaged from SS totally and BM as well. I have to be around SS because DH has joint custody, so when he is not working, the SS is here, but I refuse to keep him like I used to, so if DH is not here, neither is SS and that is not my problem, that is DH's. I feel just like you, I AM NOT LIVING THE LIFE I WAS CREATED FOR, not even a little bit. I love DH outside of all this drama, and we do have times where I remember why I fell for him, and in a way, I kind of feel sorry for him, because if I were to leave, he would be devastated. He doesn't appreciate me in a lot of ways, but it would really kill him, but staying here is killing me.

My situation is similar to yours 10gallonhat, after all the drama and grief I was put thru, I could not allow the situation to remain as it had been. SS was in our home half the time, with me keeping him more than DH even did, I had to put my foot down. I told DH that if the judge continued the joint custody, which he did, that he would have to make other arrangements because I would no longer be available in any way, shape, or form. I would not pick up, I would not drop off, I would not have anything to do with BM, I would not be responsible for SS in any way. I told him I knew there was nothing I could do about SS being in our home when DH was not working, but outside of that, he would have to find someone else to deal with the SS because it sure as hell would never be me again. SS stays with DH's family now unless DH is home. It has helped but it is not enough. I love my DH too, too much I think sometimes, because I don't know very many other people that could stay, and I think if were to separate it would lead to divorce because I would see how much easier it is to be alone instead of here. I would miss him and vice versa, but living with him after all the damage that has been done is so difficult and not at all how I envisioned my life.