I don't know what to do
My soon to be stepson is saying horrendously horrible things. Swearing at things, calling me names etc... That he should not even know about. I have had the feeling for a while by the way he acts that his uterus donor has been saying things particularly about me to or in front of him. His father and I agree we will not bad talk her even if he is not in the same room. I feel it only makes more problems for him. I have taken care of kids for over 5 yrs and have seen what problems can arise from situations like this. We would love to have him full time but have yet to get it to court. Meanwhile, his vocabulary and his actions are becoming increasingly more alarming. He has been calling me a cunt, says things are a stupid bitch, and when he gets in trouble for something he starts shaking and covering his face like someone would hit him. My fiancé and I both stand firm in watching what we say around him and would definitely never strike him. Not to mention, these words dont ever play a part in our vocabularies, let alone while he is with us. I have tried talking to my soon to be ss and seeing if he is upset and letting him know that hurts peoples feelings yet he won't say why he said it or where he heard it. Then he tells me how he is going to see his mama and papa but I'm not allowed to go in and so on. I have tried to talk to him, yet he won't tell anyone what the prob is. I just don't know what to do!!!
It will pass, I know it
It will pass, I know it sounds hard to believe that right now but he's hurting, he is not mature enough to express himself appropriately right now. Love and patience is the key here, trust me, hang in there. It's good that your husband is on board and that you set a good example to him. It quite possibly is the BM doing some alienation stuff but kids see through that pretty quickly, just that your boy cannot see it quite yet. My SD used to come in and tell me 'you will never believe what BM and her DH told me to tell you this time around!!' and we'd chuckle about it. The best thing I did was not to be disturbed by what they said or did and to continue to be happy in my marraige and relationships with SK's. Give SS some respite and fun things to do with you?? It has to be horribly conflicting to a child to hear people he loves talking badly about other people he loves?
Ty for your kind words. On
Ty for your kind words. On my blog everyone told me I was overreacting to things and overstepping my bounds. I just feel like I am trying to love him and show him all the things that I would any other child. I expect no more or no less from him. We get him at least 4 days a week and most of the time its 5-6 days in a row w a day or 2 off before she is saying that she needs us to come get him again. It's hard to keep the boundaries that I am only watching him and that he is not my son when I am the primary caregiver. My fiancé works second shift so he only gets a few hours a day with him and it's all kind of new to my ss. Should I try and not get so involved and keep it more a professional setting or should I play the part of the other mommy. I don't let him call me that but I feel I am a mother to him and some say that is what is causing so much problems. What do you think?
I'd treat him like a nephew,
I'd treat him like a nephew, or close family member's child. Just enjoy his company, gently remind him that he has a mommy and you'd be happy to be his 'other mommy' but only if he mentions it!
If you are fit enough then a lot of physical exercise is good for bonding, walking, flying kites, playing in the park, swimming, tons of stuff that is virtually free to do. Put yourself in the child's shoes for a mile, being a parent is hard work! Create boundaries for respect, I doubt he'll cross them if you develop a bond with him.