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How to disengage from step kids when you have bio children. Is there a fair way to do it?

nocountryforoldmen's picture

Submitted by nocountryforoldmen on Sat, 03/18/2017 - 5:38pm

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General Discussion

Hi Ladies-

I am new to this board, I have been married 5 years. I have two children ages DD, 4, and DS 3. My SD 10 has recently come to live with us. The problem I am having is she stayed with us up until she was 8 (her mother wanted her back pleaded brainwashed her etc), we had some structure in place and now it is completely gone to shit. Lying, talking back etc. Her father does not tolerate it one bit, and let him do the heavy lifting with her its only been a few months and he is keeping up with her discipline and structure. But every-time she is in trouble she says "I want to go back with my mom" etc.

I want to know is it possible to disengage from a step child that lives with you FT when you have your own bio children and yet remain fair?

Just interested to know what you ladies who actively disengage with steps living in your home with your bios.

Thanks in advance.

nocountryforoldmen's picture

Submitted by nocountryforoldmen on Sat, 03/18/2017 - 11:51pm

Hi Echo-

Thanks for your response.

You're right, I'll let him manage the parenting 100% from here on out.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sun, 03/19/2017 - 11:20am

Who cares where she wants to live? Mom and Dad should never give her her choice of residence. Any red-blooded kid is going to play one house against the other given that situation.

Kids who run away when not getting their own way usually don't get more than a block or 2 because they have nowhere to go. But this girl has been handed 2 complete houses which will take her at any time. Nothing but misery in such a system.

Hey, kids will choose to live at Disneyland if possible. But they don't have that choice and neither should she have this one.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 03/22/2017 - 2:21am

I have a bio but I disengaged from the skid brat...

it's easy, I'm not her parent.... if my bio complained about Aergia getting something or doing something I would give him the evil eye and say... Am I her mother... NO but I am yours and you will listen to me...

After years Deigma gets it, so yes you can disengage from the skid but not the bio's

EmmyDays's picture

Submitted by EmmyDays on Mon, 03/27/2017 - 6:25pm

I so feel for you. I'm in the same boat, SD 8yo lives with me fulltime and has done for 5 years. Cries I want to live with Mummy and is destroying my home... trying to disengage but find her luring me into war with her and trying not to tangle my biokids (11mo and 3yrs) into the mess...

But like I keep repeating to myself
Put all your worry and concerns, love and attention into you and your children.
Let the Bio parents sort their child. Support and love your husband. <3