My 17yr old Stepson was killed
So the last time I was on here I was venting about the issues that we were dealing with our then 15yr old. Needless to say things kept getting worse, he was in a gang, stole a car, dealing drugs, & armed robbery which unfortunately is what caused his demise. This happened last year in December and it has been such a rough road for my wife and the two additional stepson. I've pretty much manned down the house so that she was able to process her grief , get counseling etc, and I was handling any and everything involving the upkeep of the house, and anything related to the boys. Our 14yr old began acting out after his brother died but we just loved on him as much as he allowed to help him with his grief. Fast forward the 14yr old began doing better, A B honor roll student, played junior varsity and varsity football and overall doing good. The only issue that I had with him was him doing his chores. He would do them, then sometimes he wouldn’t do them or sometimes he would half ass do them. I tried talking to him, I tried explaining the importance of making sure he is doing his part in the house, hell I even stopped him from having to do chores m-f and he only had to do chores on the weekends. Talking wasn't working so I explained to him that if I keep having to talk about his responsibilities at home then I was going to shut off his electronics (phone, ps5 etc) until things were completed. That appeared to be the ONLY thing that began working consistently. Well on 11/2 something wasn't completed so I remotely turned his phone off, he asked what did he do and I explained what chore had not been completed, and he said it wasn't fair, and I replied with EVERYTHING I felt was not fair. My reply " Well your mom said that she DID NOT tell Jordan that he could eat in your room & furthermore I also told Jordan he could not eat in your room so instead of complaining about what's not fair maybe you need to make it CLEAR to your friends what OUR rules are. You know what else isn't fair? The last time Noah wad here he had food in your room & you were here & you not one time told him to take it out, and I didn't say shit to you about it. You know what else isn't fair? You getting a damn attitude when you can't do something because YOU chose to disregard our SIMPLE request. You know what else isn't fair? The fact that you get an attitude INSTEAD of taking responsibility for the action that YOU choose to take. You know what else isn't fair? The fact that I have ASKED & TOLD you not to go in my stuff in the garage yet you STILL go in there and then have the nerve to blame it on your mom instead of telling the whole damn story, & all I said ONCE AGAIN was stay out of my stuff. You know what else isn't fair? The fact that you complain & have a jacked up attitude when you have to do your part in the house (a.k.a chores) EVEN though we completely changed the chores schedule and put 100% of the chores on your brother during the week just so that you could focus on your studies and recover from all of you hard work on the field. You know what else isn't fair? The fact that you have the audacity to get an attitude when your electronics are shut off because you CHOOSE to half ass do your chores or CHOOSE to not do them all. Man your mom and I try our GOD DAMN hardest to do any and EVERYTHING to make you happy and put a friggin smile on your face just for you to walk around with a fucked up attitude because we call you out on the things we consistently ASK you to do or not do. You want respect given to you well the shit works BOTH WAYS!!!
Just a little background. I've been in this kids life a little before he turned 5 CONSISTENTLY. Any and everything a parent is suppose to do I did and then some. I've never missed anything in his life such as school conferences, activities, doctors appointments, quality time etc. Now before sending him this message I've been talking to him about the same things for a longgggggg time, but as soon as I sent him this message he completely stopped talking to me. He will walk by me and won't speak but will only speak if his mom is present. I sent the message to my wife that I sent him and I got the opposite response then what I thought I was going to get and after listening to her it made me feel as though everything I've been doing with these boys has been wrong even though she hasn't been present until recently. I've seen this behavior before with the son that was killed and I'll be damned if I go thru it again so I told her since you have a issue with how I discipline them and that's all you are focused on forgetting everything that I've tried prior to discipline then YOU be in the forefront and handle the kids how you see fit. I feel like the 14yr old is continuing to not talk because by talking to me means that my rules would be implemented but with his mom he can half ass it. Our house has been looking horrible ever since she took over, trash not taken out, kids not doing chores, kids eating in there rooms and leaving food that turned into a gnat infestation. I refuse to be a uber driver for the 14yr old so my wife got mad at ME because she had to stay up to pick her son up at damn near 130am from a sporting event. I can't say that I have completely disengaged from him but I've disengaged from speaking to him (just giving the same energy that's given to me) but involved in other aspects like med refills, doctor appointments etc. But it feels so cold in this house. I feel alone now that I have taken this stance consistently. Sorry for the long post but I needed to get this out.