How old is SD? Does she live with you? If she's old enough and lives with you I'd give her a key but the key does not go with her on visitations with her mother. I'd also let her know if she lets her mother in the house or you find out her mother has gained access you will press charges. I don't like the idea of skids having keys but if they live with you it's kind of a necessity.

We had the same kind of issue here. Ss has lived here with us since 2nd grade. We didn't give him a key to the house until last year when he was entering High School. For one reason, I was always here when he got home or I was the one picking him up from school. Plus, Ss wasn't the most responsible kid(and is still working on that). I think Dh would have given him a key sooner. Dh also didn't think that Bm would have the nerve to use the key. I, on the other hand, don't trust her as far as I could throw her.

I set the rules for when Ss is to use the key. He is to use it only when he is supposed to be here. Not when he is with his mom. There have been a few occasions when Ss has called and was with his mom when we weren't home. He wanted something out of our house and I said no. I just don't trust it. Dh and I have gotten into fights over this because he thinks it's ok. I can't help how I feel about that.

It's my house too and if they can't follow the rules that make me comfortable, then I'll take the key back. I don't want to have to do that as he has had some legitimate occasions to use the key.

Dawn

No keys for Stepkids. Only people getting keys will be people who live in the house full-time.

If you do decide to give her a key, make sure it does not go over BM's house.

Put the kid in after school camp at the school. Many schools have an after school YMCA program that the kids can participate in for several hours until they are picked up by parents. They do homework and physical activities. My SS was in Y after school camp until he got too old which I think was 14.

I have no problem with my SS having a key to the house. His SpermClan lives on the opposite coast and are not a threat.

Best regards,

Our BM is way too terrified of us to ever try to come in our house and she leaves her house unlocked and doesn't seem to be aware that people use keys at all. I'm amazed she knows how to start her car.

Anyway, yikes. I thought about this and it's a tricky situation! I think it's a great idea to have your skid have a house key (with specific rules about its use) on the days you have her, but don't have the key go to BMs house. It might be hard, but if you can work it out so that she has the key in the morning, lets herself in after school and then hangs the key up on a nail or hook or something? That way she has the key when she needs it, but it doesn't go to BMs and you can keep track of it and get her in the habit of keeping track of it and being responsible. Good luck!

I know this will be an issue at some point when my skids are older and while I am not stoked at the idea of BM having access to our house (technically) I think we are going to have to just take a risk and give our skids house keys with specific rules for its use and consequences for losing it or letting someone else use it. SS12 has done very well with his phone so far and is being very careful and responsible, so I have high hopes for the key situation when it happens.

Good luck with this! I'm sure you will make the best decision and keep your home safe and BM-free!

I don't trust my SD. Never will. So, I wouldn't give her a key. If there is an influence of a BM in the picture (ie. she isn't passed away), then I wouldn't suggest it. In the end Steps always seems to be more loyal to their BP no matter what.

In my case, the BM doesn't have transpo to get in the home, but can influence her child to roam the house for information...

I like the afterschool program idea, but if you do give her a key make a hook she has to keep it on so you always know where it is when she's not suppose to use it. BTW in IL there is no law about legal age kids can be left alone for short times thats up to the parents to judge the maturity level. We get calls all the time asking this at work. If its less than an hour or two she can be home alone at 12 in our state. Just putting that out there because I don't know if your school offers the afterschool programs and I don't know if you have conflicts in your schedule where she needs to be able to be inside.

My DSD isn't allowed to have a house key on her unless she is as school. The key only leaves with her in the morning, and must be placed back on it's nail when she returns in the afternoon. She is only allowed to take the key on the rare occasion that DH, DS or I won't be able to be home after school to let her in.

I'm not so concerned about BM getting in (really, go ahead. Browse. See how wonderful MY life is! LOL), but I am concerned about her letting it fall into someone else's hands.