How to handle defensive DH
We have the Prince and Princess this weekend. DH is already into overdrive on being defensive. Princess is 13, has a key, and yet is somehow incapable of locking the front door when she leaves. Her grandfather picked her up this morning, and since she is somehow incapable of locking a door, I slept with the front door unlocked. Not safe. So I send DH 2 texts. One was basically if people can't lock the front door, they will lose their key. The other text was asking him to tell her to lock up in the future. So what does DH do? Send a passive agressive, sarcastic text back. Your damn kid doesn't have the sense to lock a door....it's a problem.....don't take it out on me. DH is so defensive when it comes to them, it impairs his ability to parent. SO what do I do? Do I just rip everyone a new asshole? Do I ignore DH for the rest of the day?
Sounds like your husband is
Sounds like your husband is a jerk. Wow, I wouldn't put up w/ that. If he's not mature enough to see the danger in you sleeping w/ the front door locked, then he shouldn't even be parenting.
The mood I am in today, I am
The mood I am in today, I am inclined to agree with you. He guilt parents/Disneyland dad. On top of it all, he is very immature. I get so sick of shit when the skids are here.
He won't think about it. I
He won't think about it. I have brought up issues before (specifically relating to her irresponsibility with her key) and he ALWAYS puts off talking to her.....and so the parenting never happens. It's like he just refuses to parent. He will be buddies with them, but when it comes to an actual parenting issue, he just "forgets" or "will do it later". I am disengaged at this point, so I am not about to try to parent them. They are his problem, but things like not locking the door BECOME my problem. I am so close to telling him it's marriage counseling time. It's either that or Uhaul time. Our lives are so great when they aren't here. When they are here, I just hate it. They are lazy and irresponsible and getting worse as they get older.
To me it just seems like
To me it just seems like your husband shouldn't have to be told this; it's such simple common sense it blows my mind how he doesn't "get it." While I agree w/ the post about camly approaching DH & trying to discuss them without him going into defense mode, this particular issue didn't lend itself to that. Sometimes things need to be handled IMMEDIATELY, there's not always time for "letting the dust settle." To me that's a good way to let people off the hook & get away with wrong behavior. Deal with it in the here & now, but just do it maturely & respectfully.
My dh has never been a
My dh has never been a disney dad. For a good reason. He has no cash extra to spend it on them. I do see the guilt though. He carries it on his back every day. My own friends see it. Last weekend i got tired of seeing my dh hurt and depressed and i didnt' let the dust settle. I told him exacctly how i felt and then i took action. I reclaimed a part of the house we set aside for his kids. WHy? Because they dont come as they use to and to top it off, call their dad names, and send messages on how so and so hates him....Well....enough is enough.
Your husband is defensive. my dh a few years back was the same. Would defend his kids tooth and nail but like the above poster said, there are times, letting the dust settle is a green light to say its acceptable behaviour. I woudl attack my dh back when he tried to find reason to defend their behavour. I dont like leaving loose ties. I settles things quickly and i'm the type of person who's direct and in someone's face.
My suggestion, tell you rhusband to stop his behaviour towards you on account of his kids mistakes. I've done this to my dh and put him in his place. Then just tell him, the next time his daughter doesn't lock the door, there will be consequences. dont tell him and then go ahead change the lock.
Ooooh, I like this! "There
Ooooh, I like this!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
i would take sd13's key and
i would take sd13's key and when she can't find it, play stupid..... then of course you will have to change locks and she has already illustrated she isn't capapble of using a key much less keeping up with one..... no need to give her one to new locks..
so, you have to get up and lock the door behind her --- i would much prefer that then skids haveing a key to my house...