Love isn't enough. If love were enough, divorce rates would be much lower.

I would continue to live on my own, see him when he is available, and then do my own thing when he is not. He'll either figure out how to bring you into the fold in a way that appeases both you and his children, or he won't and you'll have the freedom to find someone else.

Every weekend arrangements suck for both kids and parents. One parent is stuck with the heavy lifting and zero fun time, while the other parent never gets any downtime or real parenting time because the kids are on "vacation mode" on the weekends. It's also means the kids can never plan anything with their friends, especially if a parent lives far away, because they are never at their primary residence.

If your BF is unwilling or unable to change this arrangement, then he is also unable to meet your needs. You two have competing priorities, and living with him will make you miserable. You will miss out on TWO YEAR'S WORTH of days (his youngest is 11, so 7 years of no weekends x 104 weekend days per year) that could be spent doing what you want with someone you love...but you'll be stuck helping raise kids who aren't yours, who already are showing they don't like "sharing you", and who will take up ALL your BF's free time.

Ultimately, you have to decide if 708 of your days will be dictated by a custody agreement. If you were fine with doing kid activities and not having dates, I'd say give it a shot. However, you clearly don't like that you have given up a year (and that is TOTALLY FINE AND DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON), and you don't want to give up 7 more. So don't 

Keep this relationship for as long as it brings you pleasure, but don't jump into living together and marriage just because it's the next step. If he is your soulmate, he'll be there in 7 years when the youngest ages out. Until then, live YOUR life exactly how YOU want. Love cannot fix everything, but it can certainly ruin a lot. Don't be fooled into thinking loving him is enough to overcome your wants. You'll only end up disappointed.

You’re making it too easy for him. Start planning things for yourself on the weekend and say he’s invited but if he’s tied up with the kids, you understand. He has to make sacrifices and find a balance between the two important things in his life, you and his kids. Slowly stop centering your time around his kids. 11&13 is old enough to stay home by themselves. 

What did you do every weekend during your 20yr marriage and when your bio-kids were 11 and 13? 

Did you hire a sitter on a occasional Friday evening? Sit home and do nothing? Do family activities? Go online and write you wish your kids would just go somewhere else and let you enjoy your weekends without them? 

Unfortunately you're chosen  man with children that are younger than your own. Children who this man has parenting time with solely on weekends. He doesn't see them all work work. He might get some holidays and extended school breaks, but overall he is strictly the weekend parent. His kids will be having this schedule for  number of years yet. 

He is not in a position to have every Friday and/or Saturday evening (or day) foot loose and fancy free to just ditch the kids and spend it date nighting or just as an adult couple. Sure perhaps an occasional sitter or a dump them on Grandma , but those likely will not occur every weekend. His children are also at the age where they will start getting involved with school sports and such. What happens when his Friday evenings consist of sitting in bleachers and cheering his kids on?  He probably won't be hiring a sitter to go watch his children play sports while he goes on date night. Are or were your children involved in teen sports? When they were 11 and 13, did you participate in their youth activities or go on date nights instead?

You're not wrong in wanting a more adult weekend, nor are you wrong in wanting date nights. The problem is you have chosen a man who is not in the same position to be as 'free' as you are. There is no seeing his kids all week so let's just hire a sitter for the weekend.... his weekends are his parenting time. He obviously enjoys and desires his children every weekend or he would not have agreed and signed up for every weekend to be his parenting time. 

Being on different periods in both of your lives, you would be asking him to give up time with his children that he can't make up at any other time. So the question really is, is he willing to stop having his kids every weekend and go for every other weekend schedule or even one weekend 'off' a month or is he not. Would he tell you, yes, I love you too, but this is my parenting time and you are asking me to choose between being a parent on my scheduled time or having you. Would you want him to pick? 

What if he picks still having his children every weekend? Are you willing to work with him to still perhaps arrange an occasional sitter, do some family activities with his kids and maybe one day totally do your own thing? 

If your divorce would have come sooner and your bio-kids were the age of his kids now, would you have given up part of your parenting time to your husband just to date this man? If your only time back then would have been every weekend, would you have told your now ex you would only take them every two weeks or 2 out of 3 weekends for your new boyfriend? Would you perhaps have come to resent your new man if he were to ask you to. 

What is it you want this man to do? You need to decide what you want and what you can still live with and be happy with and go from there. If you're been in a bad marriage and just are emerging from it with hopes of getting into a new relationship with fun and exciting kidless weekend and solely adult go go do do love and candlelight dinners and romance (nothing wrong in that) than you've likely just not chosen Mr Right. 

There is nothing wrong in wanting a lifestyle different and more fulfilling for you than what this man is currently able to give you. however, what you can not do is demand your boyfriend 'pick' and expect him to decide you and your new relationship are much more important than him being a father to two minor children.  That kind of a 'choice' likely will not have a long survival rate nor happy ending. 

enought to stay by themselves, for a few hours. So you two can go to an Saturday  night movies. Dinner, put them to sleep and a bar, club.  If he doesn’t go for a night out with you. Like two times a month, and not for you.   You can never go on vacation,  because he has to be home on weekends ? 

What an AWFUL custody schedule. Is it like that year around? Does the BM ever get vacation time with skids?

You've already received a lot of good advice, like be less accommodating, pursue other fulfilling activities and relationships, and don't live with this man. I also suggest TALKING with him. Let him know that the current arrangement doesn't work well for you, and point out that it doesn't work well socially for the kids, either. Explain the kind of relationship you'd  like to have - intimate getaways, time alone as adults, etc. Own that you should have brought this up sooner ( so that it doesn't seem like you're blaming him ), and talk it out.

You have every right to expect a courting period; to know the type of relationship you'd like; and to speak up when your needs aren't being met. As things stand you are unable to move forward in the relationship because you aren't getting enough time with this man to properly evaluate him as a partner or as a parent. However, he deserves to know how you feel and what your needs are. Without honesty and open communication, what kind of relationship do you really have??

Talk to him. He may surprise you and say he's been thinking of going back to court for a custody schedule that works better for everyone.

My dh used to have his kids every weekend. (He has weekends off- has had the entire time we dated/ marriage). We used to have adult dates during weekdays and sunday nights. ( my days off were not set but I could request with weekdays being easiest requests)

Then he moved in with me! I got tired of working and coming home to skids all weekend every weekend. I told DH I NEEDED 1 weekend per month off. We do that and it has made a world of difference!( i have weekends off now so it is like a mini vacation*wink*)! 

We still have one or more date nights during the week and sometimes we take the kids with us to some adult gatherings where one of us will drink the other drive.

Sometimes I have him take the kids somewhere for a few hours so i can relax or nap during the weekend. I let him sleep in om Sundays and make bfast / do quiet activities with the kids.

The only thing I miss is being able to go away from it all. I miss my own place a lot sometimes. So I would say do not give up your house! Live there and date him. 

You have to have what I call " practice dates"( yes we had these before we married) if even considering moving in.

A few dates at his house while the kids are sleeping.

A few dates at your house while the kids are babysat.

Make a bedroom in his house both of yours and off limits to kids to see how that feels. See if he will give you a room in his house to be off limits for anyone but you( I have a large room in the attic that is locked DH has the attached garage as his mancave). Soon both kids will have their own room.

Another thing is if you decide to move in please get 2 bathrooms. Have your own private bathroom.

Hope this helps!

Will the BM always be working weekends from here on out until they are 18?  Will the kids WANT to be at dads every weekend and not seeing their friends?   I think once a week date might be unreasonable but how about every 2 weeks?  The kids are definately old enough to spend a few hours w/out dad.  I hate the 'dump on grandma' nobody says that to intact parents.  Kids need time with extended family as well, it's just as important. 

IMO keep your own place for a few more years....go on dates eveyr other Sat- you can make it a day out/evening out or full day...he still has all Friday/Sunday and monday am's right?  Parents who work all week and only have weekends also chose to go on dates, some parents do it weekly.  Nothing wrong with what you're wanting.  But TALK to him and come up with a reasonable compromise for you both.

Disregard the 'can't expect it to change since this was their schedule before you arrived' advice- things CHANGE when we start dating someone, sometimes schedules included...because it allows for a well-rounded, happier parent also.  Do your kids and his get along?  Would your teens be willing to watch his kids or do something together for a day/few hours or even a weekend trip every few months? 

If you do marry this man don't be surprised is custody arrangements suddenly change. It could go from every weekend to full time because BM's life situation changed too. Please don't sell your house and move in with him. This site is full of horror stories about women who have done just that and regreted it dearly.  

He's got a long way to go parent wise and you're on the tail end. You're worried about a date on the weekends but girl, that'll be the least of your worries once you shack up.  

If dad has kids every weekend, he should find a good sitter or if they’re old enough, teach them to stay home alone a few Saturdays a month.  As a married couple, we would get a sitter a few times per month or let older kids stay home alone a few days per month.

Everything’s always happens on weekends.  It’s unfair that you don’t get away or go out on weekends.  He has to do something or you have to do something.  You feel this is not working, I can see that 

Wow! Having them EVERY weekend is tough!! My DH had EOW, and yes, our lives did come to a screeching halt the moment the SKs arrived. It was ALL SKs, ALL THE TIME from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, whatever fun thing they wanted to do, wherever they wanted to go, whatever THEY wanted to watch on TV (literally, they'd change the channel from whatever I was watching the minute they walked in the door,) whatever they wanted to eat, on and on, they had my DH's full attention, even after we had our own bios. I tried to remind myself it was my DH's only time with SSs and just got through it the best I could. We still had EOW to be "just us" when regular life could happen. (My DH didn't even want me to clean the house while SKs were there because they couldn't hear the TV while the vacuum was running and they could not go in the kitchen if the floors were wet from mopping.) However, I would think if my DH had had visitation EVERY weekend, we would have done things differently. While I think it is too much to expect to have a date night every weekend, I think it would be totally reasonable to have one once a month. And also, my experience was that my SSs (highly PAS'd) visited less and less starting around age 12 and stopped coming altogether by age 15.

I think you can expect the weekend visitations will not last until age 18. That said, as someone who went from being a single girl with a perfectly clean house, my own food all to myself and no kids to having SKs EOW, it's a major shock to the system. I found myself quite irritated EOW by all the messes, spills, wet towels on the floor, etc. If I were you, I would rent a place and gradually stay a few overnights at his place while the kids are there before making a permanent decision.