Hello, new here and need to vent/advice
I don't even know where to begin, but I have recently been hospitalized due to anxiety (I thought I was having a heart attack). This was on our wedding/honeymoon trip btw, which just made things even worse. I have been with DH for 3.5 years, lived together for 2 and married for 2 weeks today. I have 3 bio children and share 50/50 custody with my ex. Ex and I get along great, no issues there other than we live 45 min apart and travel becomes an issue at times. Onto my real problems, SD6 and SS10. SS10 has ADHD, he is not a bad kid, gets a long with son fairly well but is a pathological liar and bullies my son who is 1 year younger (them complains to BM that my son bullies him). SS is very small for his age, my son is 9, 5'2 and 145 lbs. He is a big boy and has a heart just as big. Anything i do for my son is always belittled by SS. He has the been there done that syndrome, but none of it is true. SD6 is same age as my youngest daughter. I also have a daughter that is 8. SD6 and my daughter fight. Constantly. SD has lots of emotional and behavioral issues and sees a councilor weekly. Last Oct both SS and SD taken from their mother due to accusations of sexual abuse by BM new husband. BM also had young son with new husband that was also taken away. Reasons being dependent, neglect and sexual abuse (but only to SD). We have had 100 percent parenting since then, BM had supervised visits once a week. BM refuses to divorce or acknowledge abuse done by new husband to her daughter. Court ordered her husband not allowed at the home. SS and SD now allowed to go for day time visits at BM's house, but no overnights. BM also just had another child to her new husband. Baby is a preemie and BM not allowed to work at her illustrious fast food job. BM has no car. DH does all transportation of children to visit her. He just filed in court for full custody and we want to move their school to the school district we live in. Court has to go to mediation, but atty for kids said that if DH and BM can't come to agreement he will support children living with us. So basically she is screwed with no car, her house is going to sherriff sale and she is living off welfare. (sounds like a good catch huh) Well basically I think all my anxiety is due to all the court stress, not knowing what will happen and the kids not listening to me. SD will lie right to my face. DH is very supportive and tries to make them mind, but it is very frustrating to come home to 2 kids every day that disrespect me and don't appreciate that I provide the primary income of our household. SD and SS are also extremely jealous of my 3 children, but both me and ex spouse make very decent incomes and they have had a different lifestyle. Since living with DH I have tried to give them same attention (shopping, toys, etc) but it goes unappreciated and they take my kids things anyhow. Sorry for the long intro but just need some advice on where to start and if anyone has had similar experiences.
What a nightmare!!! I am
What a nightmare!!! I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with this and live like that on a daily basis...I sincerely hope things get better for you....ASAP!!!
thank you, I am trying my
thank you, I am trying my best. I knew the situation and have been his support since all this happened. I just want things to settle so we can establish some ground rules without BM telling them they don't have to listen at our house. I am just beyond where to start.
And i thought my life was
And i thought my life was tough !!!!!!!!
I guess I just feel like I'm
I guess I just feel like I'm going crazy. I can't really even put my head around the situation. I can't see how BM can have any rights after everything that has happened and yet here I am left to worry about everything. She even threatened to take my DH to court to get more child support now that he was getting married. I try to be supportive and I am doing my best. I would kill for a day alone in my house with my children.....that would be a vacation. I have nothing against BM, just that I don't think she has her kids interests in mind. It is sad.
How could she go after MORE
How could she go after MORE CS when she barely has or sees the kids because they are always with you???
they had 50/50, he had to pay
they had 50/50, he had to pay her because he makes 3.5 times more $ than her. He was paying her about 330 a month. When cps took them away and we got them, he did not have to pay. She put in a motion in court the same day he had to get her 50/50 back, and he put in to get them 100%, with some visitation with BM, but with no support. She feels that now that she has 2 more kids with her molester husband, that DH should pay her more and she is delusional in thinking that my income would count as well. kids aren't even allowed to spend night there yet so I don't think that it is going to go well for her. She is just crazy and she isn't very smart. she wants them back half time so he can give her money that she can buy cigarettes and pay the way for her, her husband (who doesn't work) and their two kids aka future molesters and teen mom 2025.
LMBO!!!! That BM takes the
LMBO!!!!
That BM takes the cake for being quite the delusional moron!!!
When we got them full time
When we got them full time support ceased. She makes so little that she doesn't have to pay. That would be sweet revenge though. Even if it was $5 a month
Anyhow, everything is tied up in court b/c of the kids being taken from her by child protective services. The "care plan" wants them to be returned to BM when it is safe and that custody goes back to 50/50 but it has been almost a year and it isn't safe yet. We are tired of the unknown and want to get them settled, and in a better school district. I do not think that their mother should be kept out of their lives, but DH and I have a very stable home and can better meet their needs.
DH is not allowed to live
DH is not allowed to live there..per court. However she could let him come there and we can do nothing but call the police. He also has had 2 more domestic violence charges against BM since all this has started. His criminal investigation is ongoing, he refuses to get a sexual offender analysis. It is just ridiculous. But she loves him, and now they have 2 babies that neither can afford and they think my stepkids are their meal ticket from my DH. We are just praying that we aren't the only one that sees the situation as messed up. Courts are funny.
I should clarify.....her DH
I should clarify.....her DH not mine. I refer to him as the molester.
I would really recommend
I would really recommend talking to a counselor about how to get everything established and both you and your DH on the same page. You have a lot of work ahead of you and getting a little advice on how to get it going and organized would probably help your stress level.
My kids are not angels, but
My kids are not angels, but they listen to my DH.....without question. They do talk back to me at times but we do not have the behavioral issues like we do with his kids. His kids listen to neither of us and especially me. We have been living like this for last 2 years, but had breaks when kids were at other parents houses then his came to live with us 100%. They act like the house is theirs (which is what we want) but they act like it is theirs and not my kids'. I am glad they are with us and are safe I don't mind having kids with us all the time. If I had it my way I would have mine all the time, but it is good for them to spend time with their BD also. I just don't want to go crazy trying to make them follow the house rules. We are pretty consistent but SD does not care if we take things away. She sneaks when we aren't looking, or takes my daughters' things. She is bad at school, hits other children. I don't blame my daughters for not wanting to play or share a room with her when they are there because I wouldn't want to either. BM is not our focus. She just puts a wrench into things when we are trying to establish permanency with the kids and a stable home. She will call at 10:30PM and want them the next day. They see her once a week unpredictably. They could see her more if she would come get them or come down to our area to see them but since she doesn't have a car, she feels it is DH's responsibility to cater to her and when he doesn't she throws fits (a lot like her daughter does) I am thinking family counciling might work. To be clear I have expressed these feelings to my husband and we are on the same page but we are running out of ideas.
There is no court order that
There is no court order that requires him to let them see her. It is all up to him at this point but if he doesn't comply to her requests she throws a fit and calls CPS who has to come out to our house and meet with us and promise us they will help with transportation, but then when it comes down to it say they can't. She has no car. She is a totally dependent person. She threw a fit when we got married last week because he didn't tell her we were going out of town. My parents watched his kids and she had no say and it drives her nuts. DH has gotten to the point he just doesn't speak to her or answer the phone. If she wants them she gets them on Mondays from 8-5:30 and has to call us the day before. If she misses Monday she doesn't see them that week. Those are the rules he established to her. Court and CPS are a joke! I like the locker idea. I am working on the kindness. Lately it is a smile through clenched teeth.