Vent/advice
My problem right now isn't the other parent but the man I am with. We have a child of our own and have been together for almost seven years. He told me about his children a few months after we met but in the years we were together he never had an established relationship with his son because he and she stated they do not like talking to each other. This year I reached out to the mom because i thought it was important for our son to know who his brother is. His son has been visiting at least once a week for the last four months and recently i planned a birthday party for both the boys. My SO and I have been taking about how at the party he has with his dad's family and mine he would leave his birthday stuff at our as to start establishing our home as his home too (something his dad and I talked about since we started planning over a month ago). The day after the party he talks to his sons mom and all of a sudde. He says he doesn't remember saying we would kee his stuff at our home and basically says he did what I wanted and kept the bike we got him. Totally made me feel like I have no place and like we have never discussed and he did me a favor by keeping his bike at our home. This isn't the fist time we have fought over his children. Earlier in the year i text his daughter asking to pick up her daughter so our kids could play together. My SO was so mad at her because she never texts him back but when I text to ask for her daughter she ended up calling her dad (my SO). He told me he was made because she never responds back to him and when I text she called him. So he took a problem he had with his daughter and made it into something I did wrong. Don't know if i did the right thing or not but I deleted her number because of the problem we had in our relationship. Of course i still say hi when i see her but I told my SO that I did delete her number because of how mad at me he got. I'm at a loss and feel like the more I try the worse things get between me and my SO.
Sadly, that can be true when
Sadly, that can be true when it comes to skids, "the more I try the worse things get between me and my SO."
Not a hundred percent sure I understand everything in your post but I get the last line. Remind yourself that years of dysfunction led up to the current state of affairs. !. They will not get "fixed" overnight 2. It's not your job to fix them.
If your husband appreciated and supported your efforts and told you he was grateful to you and inspired by you, your marriage can actually get closer from your efforts. But that's not how it's turning out. So.....drop the rope. Let him handle his other children. Your son may have to seek out his siblings when he's an adult. Your job is your marriage and your own children.
On the other hand, if you lose respect for him because of how he handles his other children, that's on him.
I know there was a lot but it
I know there was a lot but it pretty much says me and my SO talked about building stuff up at our home (clothes, toys, etc) for his son and after talking to his sons mom it's like the discussions we had never happened. His son has been in and out of foster care while in the care of his mother and my SO didn't have the best past either. I don't know if he feels like if he tries to be "dad" his son won't want to come back. He hasn't had established relationships with his children from previous relationships but him and I have built a home together. I guess I just feel like since we talked about his children together that they were "our" children but more and more I see that things may not be that way.
Yes, that's the thing,
Yes, that's the thing, without full functioning partnership with your dh you cannot "save" his other children in anyway. You will have your hands keeping a proper home for your own kid/s.
What a shame that child has been in foster care. Very sad.
It is very sad his other
It is very sad his other child had to go through that. His mother does questionable things and if something happens again he will have a home that he can go to instead of being put back in the system. You're right. I can't save him. All I can do is take care of mine and our home. I just wanted to be accepted as an equal to my SO when it comes to what I thought was "our" kids.
You'll be a whole lot happier
You'll be a whole lot happier if you just concentrate on your bio kids, not your husbands. I tried to hard and it back fired in my face so I don't try anymore. The less you care about someone else's kid the more they wonder why. That's when you can speak your peace.
He does have an adult
He does have an adult daughter and his son is 10. His son has been with his mom now for the last few years but was in foster care for about half of his life. His son does come over and has had fun with the brother his father and I have. I really think at this point I will be happier focusing on my own child instead of trying so hard to be a good step parent especially since I feel like my SO and have problems when I try to voice my concerns about his children.