Headed back to court
6 years ago, my husband was granted primary custody of his son and daughter after their mother moved an hour away from their hometown, family and school. We have rotating weekends and holidays and she is granted 1 day a week visitation for a couple of hours after school. The youngest (daughter 13) has recently expressed interest in living with her mom because she doesn't like the rules and consequences at her dad's. Her mother has informed us that she has filed to try to get custody of their daughter. She did ask their son (15) if he would like to live with her and he told her that he was prefectly happy living at his dad's because he liked his friends and school. My husband is awaiting an appointment with his lawyer but my question is, does anyone have ideas on how this could play out? I know because she is 13, the judge may consider her opinion but in reality she misses her mom because her mom isn't putting in the time with her when she should. When at their dad's they have a wonderful extended family support, they live in the same town/school district since they were born and they both do very well in school. They both have an excellent relationship with me (their stepmother) and I have been in their life since they were 4 and 6 and have been married to their dad for 5 years. My husband and I have 2 sons together (ages 2 and 3) Admittedly my relationship with his daughter has suffered over the last year or so because she got defiant that she no longer needed to listen to me because she plans to go live with her mom. When they are at their mom's she is often working or leaving them home alone, or home to babysit their 2 year old sister. Neither of them have a good relationship with their step father. They don't dislike him, but he's just not that involved. We are strict and the kids both know that we mean what we say. Son has learned to live within these rules and understands what he needs to do in order to stay on our good side. Daughter seems to just want to rock the boat and knows tha their mom does not discipline and is easily manipulated. Logically, daughter is much better off living with her dad primarily, however I'm worried about how things will get played out in court. Would the judge really grant her custody when she hasn't been putting in the effort over the last 6 years? Would the judge really rule to split the 15 year old with his dad and the 13 year old with her mom?
This is stress we do not need in our lives!
Yes the judge would. Will
Yes the judge would. Will he...I dont know. Unless there is a reason (in writing) that shows cause that the child should not be with her mother (RO's, neglect charges, child abuse, sexual abuse) etc. there is a good chance that the judge will allow the child to go to her moms simply because she is the mom and there is no documented reason not to let her. Especially when the 13yo expresses that she wants to, and BM agree's, and there is no documentation to prove that she shouldn't....
Do you have the time, money to fight this? If not, dont. Let her go. The grass isn't always greener and maybe she needs to learn that. She will not be as happy as she thinks she will be and I'm guessing she will want to come back. If she does go live with her mom and you are given the alternating weekends make sure you take them. Theres a good chance she will just want to stop coming (not wanting to face her dad) but make her come...it is important. Dont "punish" her for her move, treat her as you normally would if she still lived there. It is hard to do but it is necessary.
Good luck!
BTDT...We were sued by my SD
BTDT...We were sued by my SD when she turned 14. Long story short we spent $14K to let her live with her mom. We couldn't win, so we tried to give her up and do the right thing. BM wanted CS to the tune of $1600. She got nothing, but it cost us a fortune to beat that. We were told a judge will do what the child wants after the age of thirteen. By 14 consider it done. In the meantime, of this drawn out case, my SS turned 13 and decided he didn't want to live with mom. So we had never signed the final papers on SD15, so we sued for full custody of SS13 and threw in SD15. Sounds terrible but she was out of control at her moms. We didn't want her back, she was a bargaining chip for SS13. We were preparing to get her, but knew the judge wouldn't do it since she was 15 now. Well the night before court, the lawyers urged all of us to settle. So now SS13 sees him mom EOWE until he turns 14 and then it is up to him. We were told it was probably what the judge would have handed down anyway. No CS for anyone and we don't even have to have insurance on SD15.
If this is what she wants, I say give it to her. She will get it anyway and the only ones who win are the lawyers. Ask for visitation mandated. We have none with SD15 because DH wanted her to come on her own. But, she hasn't and it is too late now. Her BM won't encourage her to see her dad...Very Sad...
Well, SS15 and SD13 meet with
Well, SS15 and SD13 meet with the GAL this week...I sure hope things go well and that the GAL can see that SD13 has been so obviously coached by her dilusional BM!