Give me strength to get through this week- How do I not let SD15 ruin the 4th????
She ruined everyone's night last night by acting like an asshole. Seriously, everyone was crabby and in their own rooms bc no one wanted to be around her. She's thinking daddy's gonna cave about her going to her friends cabin, esp since her mom said she can go and it's none of her business bc it's not her week!!!!! WEll not while I'm around, He already said no but I bet he would cave if I wasn't around. I do not want her here but she doesn't deserve to go, she's on punishment and cannot be trusted. FDH even said last night- I should just let her go so I don't have to deal with her shit..........R u serious??? Maybe thats why she acts the way she does now bc you and her mom give her whatever she wants so you don't have to deal with a 15year old throwing a fit. And maybe thats why she acts like such an asshole bc she knows the worse she acts the better the chances are she can go. She had her friends mom call FDH and he told her no too! SD15 sat at the table and cried. OMG
She text her dad when I was sitting right next to him and said MY daughter is driving her crazy............REALLY BITCH????!!!!!!!
She also text him said and said "call mom"
"no"
She said "NOW"
R u F"ing kidding me?? I freaked out and was like "why do you let her talk to you like that??? You don't even respond to her, she's so disrespectful , she acts like your wife and I fucking hate it"
So daddy got up super early to talk to her before he went to work and she says she's sorry and she was just mad she can't go to the cabin with her friend....BULLSHIT, that sounds like FDH talking. Guarantee he was up there baby talking her. annoying. And she never said sorry to me abt shit. She's not sorry
Everyone is on edge, I can't fucking stand her and she told him she's not coming with us tomorrow, we are going tubing. She doesn't have a choice bc she can't stay home alone. I can't help but think she's going to ruin the entire day tomorrow, and do everything she can to make the day about her and I am not putting it past her to fake an injury or something so it ruins everyone's time.
What can I do??????
I've thought about not going but I invited my brother and he's super excited so I don't want to disappoint him and I don't want to change MY plans bc SD might ruin it....UGH!!!!!!
I would love to chain her to
I would love to chain her to a tree and beat her ass! Ummm, yea.......Y can't she go to her moms? I'm gonna look into that
So I guess her moms isn't an
So I guess her moms isn't an option bc if we let her go to her moms, her mom will let her go to the friends cabin (which is only like 45 min away) and FDH is all freakin out " IT'S MY WEEK"!!! Does anyone have any drugs to put me out till Sunday so when I wake frm my induced coma she will be outta here?????
I really will, I"m gonna tell
I really will, I"m gonna tell her to shut the eff up and she's not going to make everyone miserable bc she didn't get to do what she wants to do. She can sit in the car and get heat stroke!
I'm dealing with a nagging ,
I'm dealing with a nagging , weak, pathetic 17SD. I have not confronted her yet ...but I'm going to blow up one of these days . I don't think it helps her become a better person if I stay quiet and just let things slide. Especially they way she treats her Dad.
She knows that she has a loser's mentality so she walks around saying she will live with her Dad until she is 50 years old ...Hell nooooo I say..but the scary part is that deep inside I believe her bc she is so dependent , all she has ever known is her preppy private catholic college and her Dad that does everything for her.
Props to you..I feel your pain..
I love the 4th, and my BD8 is
I love the 4th, and my BD8 is usually with her nana at this time, she has visited her out of stse for the past 2 years so I'm REALLY excited to spend this holiday with her, SD is NOT going to RUIN it, if anyone ruins it, it's gonna be ME freakin out on SD15!!!!
Happy early Birthday!!!!
Read this in its entirety:
Read this in its entirety: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Thank you for posting this, I
Thank you for posting this, I have read t before. I don't want to parent his children AT ALL, I have been working on disengaging as well. It is impossible to ignore the fact that someone intentionally "ruins" a good time to make it about themselves and this happens EVERYTIME and I'm sick of it.
It is more difficult when
It is more difficult when she's there half the time. Spend your time away from her on these outings and don't get involved in her dealings with her parents. If she gets away with stuff just let it go. You'll be getting none of the credit nor none of the blame for how this kid turns out. Unless she's starting a fire in the living room just let it go. Didn't empty the trash? Let it overflow and Dad can deal with it when he gets home.
Concentrate on your kids and go seperate directions on holidays, leave them at home or stay at home when they leave. Your only other option is to seperate from your husband either by divorce or just a temporarily by setting up another household.
Its not too late. Take your brother to a different part of the river. It'll make a statement and relieve you of your stress point.
Disengaging is more than physical, in fact its mostly mental, in your mind. Once you realize that you can just not give a darn what happens then you can finally let her go. You're still stressing on this kid and what she "gets away with". You've got to let even that go. You see her sneaking out the window to meet her boyfriend? Zip your lip. You're disengaged - let Dad find out when she announces her pregnancy. I'm serious. L-e-t h-e-r g-o.
We go through this EVERY
We go through this EVERY SINGLE DAY, so I feel ya. Dad finally stayed strong on the grounding and said that if she continues to question him, there will be ADDITIONAL grounding and she finally stopped. If she acts like a jerk, then she has to go to her room and apologize to all involved because she ruined their evening. She needs a strong father, stay out of it-it is not up to you to discipline her or tell her if it's ok to go or not, etc.
She needs her phone taken away for the week until she cools off. She is not mature enough to have a phone if she misuses it like this.
Dad needs to tell BM to mind her own business during his parenting time.
She is being rewarded for poor behavior, there will be absolutely NO cabin! I told my hubby "You tell her YES and she will become like her mother. You tell her NO and she will become a grown-up like me, the woman that you have fallen in love with"
Strong boundaries create adults; weak boundaries create sociopaths.
See you're still not letting
See you're still not letting go. You still feel you need to be involved in discipline when in fact you don't.
You will receive no credit if this girls turns out good. But perhaps some blame if she doesn't after all you were involved right?
You have not disengaged - disengagement means you get to tell her father once, repeat once, your opinion and after that you back him up 100% mostly by staying silent. She steals his wallet and he gives her a dollar reward you remain silent.
Listen - you are your own worse enemy. Until you recognize that YOU can turn your mind set around you'll drive yourself crazy. Listen to yourself: She needs, she's being rewarded, she's not mature, she's told yes, she's like her mother. On and on and on. LET GO.
A billion children are being raised today without help from you and will turn out just fine in the end. And let me give you another tip - at least part of this is to piss you off. She's winning that battle and until you truly don't care what she does she'll continue to win.
You are giving her too much
You are giving her too much power over your life. I'd never allow a 15 year old to dictate my moods or my holiday.
Yea, She ruins the day by
Yea, She ruins the day by acting like an ass and I do keep my mouth shut unless she's disrespectful to me, Thats why I come here to vent. It's just really hard not anticipate something negative when the shit happens everytime.
p.s. I didn't say shit about her going to the cabin, I told her dad my opinion and he had already told her no, I DO think that with all her pouting and crying he would've caved but he's trying to show me he's not a pushover........