Exposing someone for who they are
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My SD has an engagement ring from someone H would definitely disapprove of. She's sexually active, smokes pot, drinks, shoplifts(in addition to stealing from me and her friends), doesn't go to class or study, and H doesn't know about any of this(except that she's stealing from me and not going to class)-
I've known about the boyfriend for a long time, the marijuana is something she just told me about, and the shoplifting is also something he doesn't know about-
If I tell him myself, he'll blame me for not stopping her, for not telling him earlier- and/or, she'll say I'm lying, deny it, and he'll turn on me.
What are some ways to expose her without letting either of them know that I planted the evidence????
So let me get this straight...
you can't directly tell him the truth b/c he will join sides with her, and she will throw you under the bus with your own Husband?
I need to be blunt....your husband decided to marry you not his daughter, and he needs to stand beside you in your marriage before any child of his. Remember, marriage comes first and then the children. He needs to trust in you and value your opinion long before his daughters, and for him to instantly believe his daughters words over yours, and then place the blame with you is not protecting his marriage.
I think you should empower yourself to the point where you don't feel afraid to be completely honest with him about his daughter and what self destructive actions she is taking upon herself. If dad doesn't want to pull his head out of the sand, well so be it, but you should not have to brace yourself for a trainwreck that your dh's denial is going to cause.
If I were in your situation, I would immediately tell him what I do know of his daughter's situation AND I would not even for a slight moment allow HIM to make me feel bad either about informing him of his daughter's behavior.
I hope you can empower yourself to find the strength to tell him. You deserve to not have to walk on eggshells and you deserve to be trusted too!
Easier said than done, good luck,
Candice
Is it possible
SD is confiding in you to drive a wedge between you and your H? She must know that you don't want to turn her in, but honestly, your first obligation is to your H. I would be honest. I would also let him know that you just realized she was manipulating you into not sharing with him. It may in fact be true- she might have found an easy way to strain your relationship.
Peace, love, and red wine