Expected to overstep, Updated
I had posted a while back about feeling like I was being expected to overstep, to jump in and take the place of BM even though BM is still in SS6's life.
A big part of this revolved around Ss6's kindergarten Mother's Day Tea and whether I should attend if BM didn't. Well, BM finally let us know that she will be going, so I will be staying home.
For SS6 I am happy because I know he wanted his mommy there. I am relieved to know what I will be doing that day. But there is a part of me that is disgruntled. I am SS6's main care giver. This is something I have chosen to do but it can be hard, because unlike my bio son I don't get a lot of the joy out of it. I get the daily grind and then BM swoops in and acts like super mom every once in a while when there is something fun going on at school.
It wouldn't be bad if she was a good mom on a daily basis, but she is only that mom when it benefits her. Until DH and I got married she didn't even exercise her visitation. Last Mother's day she called DH screaming that he had better come get his kid because she deserved to have nice relaxing Mother's Day and she wanted SS6 gone so she could have it. She still consistently makes excuses for not taking care of SS6 on her weekends.
She had SS6 convinced that if he behaved badly enough I would leave and it would be just mommy, daddy, and SS6 all by themselves again, she encouraged him to be physically violent with myself and my son. Not because she is afraid of him loving us more than her, but because she wanted to move back in with DH and quit her job.
I deal with all this bull and I don't get to have the fun times. And that sucks as much as the hard stuff sometimes. I know, he isn't mine and this is just the way it is. Doesn't make it easier to know it though...
Don't ever believe that she's
Don't ever believe that she's fooling anyone. She isn't. The people at the school know who takes care of him. So do other parents, and eventually, so will your SS.
Your situation with BM is
Your situation with BM is very similar to our situation with the BioDad we had to deal with.
Stick with the facts, bare her toxic ass every chance she gives, do not tolerate her self dilusional crap and do not allow her to manipulate your SS-6 without correcting with the facts.
It took us a while to figure it out but we learned to counter with the facts in a way that was age appropriate for the Skid. We married when he was 1yo but the SpermClan was always envolved until he turned 18 and aged out from under the CO. When CS stopped, all contact with the Skid stopped. If they were paying they were manipulationg. Once they could stop paying they had little to do with the kid.
Except for the occassional call for him to send money austensibly for the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot half sibs by two other baby mamas they have no contact with him at all.
So far he has resisted the guilt trip and has not sent money. Of course as a USAF Sr. Airman he does not have much money but he does clearly understand their toxic crap and since we kept him abreast of the facts in an age appropriate manner during the course of the CO is is well armed to overcome and counter the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
One of the demonstrations we used effectively when he was ~6-8 and they were in a phase of loading him up with crap about how the CS money they had to pay on him was taking food out of his younger sibs mouths was to lay out stacks of $1 bills on our dining table equal to ~how much it cost each month to house, feed, clothe, transport and entertain him. Then we had him count $133 from the total and move it to the side. This was to demonstrate how relatively little they provided for his support.
There are many more factual demonstrations he received over the years to counter their manipulative crap. Eventually when he was in to his teens on several occassions he would go in to our home office and dive in to the Custody/Visitaiton/Support drawers of our file cabinets to find out the facts and truth about some bullshit that they tried to load him up with. The last that I am aware of was when he pulled a copy of his SpermIdiots marriage and divorce records after a visitiation where SpermIdiot had proudly spouted his manly status of never marrying any bitches because he was a man and bitches should give it up for him without being married to him. :sick: :sick: :sick:
My son (SS) then took a copy of the marriage licnese and divorce order and dropped them in front of the SpermIdiot on the next visitation. SS did it in front of the three younger SpermIdiot spawn. I was very proud of the kid when he barred his SpermIdiot lying ass.
So, be proud of your place as your Skids only REAL mom, bare the toxic womb donors lying ass each and every time she spouts her vitriolic drivle and arm your kid with the facts so he can protect himself from her.
My kid is now 20 and knows the truth and facts about his SpermCLan and about who really has his back.
All IMHO of course.