Excuses: Step Mom Tested and Approved
Hi all, I'm a lurker to the site, and just wanted to say that alot of what you guys have posted has been really insightful and helpful to me and my DH's relationship. I do have a dilemma and wanted some of your input. My DH will have visitation with his BS2 for 2 weeks starting Christmas Eve.
Because I cherish my sanity, and safety, I have refused to accompany him to the halfway meeting point to avoid drama with BM (its just not feasible for me to take time off of work at this time, and BM has threatened violence before. I'd rather avoid all that). MIL has since agreed to travel down to TN with him for the exchange. (Sigh of relief, lol)
However, BM brought up in court that she does not want the child around me because I am a stranger and a negative influence. Go figure. The judge carved her a new hole, but I'd rather just not be home at the time that my husband has his visitation because anytime the subject of his BS2 comes up, fights and more drama ensue. The relationship between DH and BM is hostile at best, and whenever i try to be helpful, it turns out being an argument. I have thus given up and disengaged. I will be polite, I will be civil, but I refuse to have anything to do with his son anymore. I've thrown in the towel with that. He does hold some resentment against me for this, but refuses to stop being so defensive about the subject.
Down to the nitty gritty...because I can sense drama coming from a mile away, I would rather not be here for the visitation time. Any tried and proven excuses I can give to not be here? I know this sounds pretty bad, but we've tried the counseling bid (he pretends that I'm the one with problems and he's insanely perfect). P.S. We do have a DD8months together.
Really appreciate any advice.
My excuse list: - I really
My excuse list:
- I really need some "me" time just to recharge so I can be my loving,sweet self again honey
- I think I'm starting to get sick..i can feel those body aches coming and I don't want to get anyone sick
- I have 'errands' to run
- I need some girl time
There are soooo many excuses but many of them depend on what you think you're capable of getting away with...or you could take the direct approach which is also admirable: "Dh I am going to step out for a while so you can get in some much needed one on one time with your child but also because I'm just not ready to blend right now...I love you and I'll see ya in a bit."
Hope this helps!
~Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them so much~ Oscar Wilde
just wondering you said you
just wondering you said you can't take off work during the 2 weeks, how are you going to go away for 2 weeks to avoid SS?
I would suggest being extra
I would suggest being extra busy. Pick a new hobby that needs all of your time, that you need to do in another room or out of the house.
To still be supportive make sure the only thing your Dh has to do is play with his kid. Have meals ready and keep the place moderately clean (I would suggest ignoring toys because if you pick up one three more will end up on the floor. Kinda like that old Frebreeze commercial)
Best of luck!
Scrapbooking!! Thetis is
Scrapbooking!! Thetis is onto something with the hobby idea!! I suggest scrapbooking! It takes FOREVER to put a decent one together and you could totally get lost for hours in one of the really nice scrapbook supply stores! or maybe photography?? Ya know the light is best in those evening hours right after work and you'll be getting home just as ss is being put to bed }:)
~Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them so much~ Oscar Wilde
yea i remember one time
yea i remember one time trying to do that this past weekend when SS was coming over...i said i was going to visit my parents for the weekend..and he said but we have SS. in my head i was saying "yes thats why i don't want to be here" but i held it in
Wow, this is a toughie. 2
Wow, this is a toughie. 2 weeks you want to be gone?
Honey, if I were you, I would tell him that I need some down time. If he gets mad, then I think I'd lay it on the line:
"DH, here's the thing. You don't put BM in her place, and yet, you get hostile that I'm not endlessly willing to put up with her violent behavior toward me. We've been to therapy, and you don't listen.
So, DH. If you want me to be able to be around for these periods, then you need to man up. You need to realize that I have no power to change a situation that is unbearable to me. If you want me around, then YOU have to work to change it. And here are some things that would make it better:......"
If he doesn't agree to start being on your team, then you're gone for 2 weeks. It's not like you're asking him not to spend time with the kid. It's not that you don't want to spend time with the kid. It's up to him to do what's necessary. If he doesn't, then he can live with the consequences.
UCSM (BB)
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin