I didn't let my DH move in with me until his divorce was final. I waited until that ink was dry for three years before I even thought about an engagement. I would have to move out and pump the breaks hard on this one to meet my comfort level. 

And what kind of "protections" to you honestly need from his death? You wouldn't be married and thus not responsible for any of the costs of his passing or any of his debts. You have not been together so long that you are financially dependent on him already, are you? 

You seem super obsessed with getting your claws into this guy's finances. 

Geez, would you miss anything else about your BF, other than his money? Seems to be all that you are concerned about.

Assuming this isn't a troll account. I know women who have gotten married for reasons other than love. Whether for financial security, citizenship, whatever, it happens. But, they went into it with men who were available and at least somewhat knew what they were getting into, and they did commit to holding up their end and fulfilling their role as a "good wife." This guy doesn't sound available. He may be very wealthy, but there are other men out there who could provide financial security without all this drama. You can find them online. 

I would quit living my life based on what-ifs.  If this guy is THE one for  you. Then live life together and deal with what may come together.

If I had what-if'd myself into paralysis nearly 26 years ago I would not have had an amazing 25+ years of adventure with my bride.  Embrace your life. Don't let it frighten you out of living it as you choose.

I worried about a similar thing when my now husband was almost done his divorce and I was living with him in the house that was in his name. (His divorce was already in progress when we met) if something happened to him BM would take the house and make me homeless.

I told him my fears and he wrapped up his divorce in a couple months and then we got married. It's all about if he is worth the wait. If not then move out, there isn't much he can do if he's still married to someone else. 

Two things:  First of all, maybe the OP has assets that she wants to protect?  Maybe both of their names are on the house or similar.  And, secondly, it is never a good idea (and even less of a good idea in step-situations) to put a relationship in stand-by mode for that length of time.  Life, in a way, always has to move forward, and for one partner to be sitting around waiting for another to finish business with yet another partner, far too much can go on inbetween.

Perhaps you are telling yourself that you really, really love this guy and if you could just at least make sure that if things go south you are somewhat protected, you'll feel much better about the on-hold deal.  However, true love is about two people together as partners, dealing with each, sharing with each other, and moving forward.  If there is still unfinished business with a third party, usually that in inself implies one partner is sacrificing, sucking it up, while the other is having their cake and eating it too.  It is very rare when that kind of relationship can bloom, even IF and when the third party takes a hike, because the behaviors will still exist--where you are expected to mostly just give in to what the other partner dictates or claims is necessary (to save his butt).

What would I do? I would make sure I was self sufficient. I would not live beyond MY means.  If you love him, and you're not in it for his money, what else do you need?

If he's asked you to give up your job/career to devote yourself to his needs, then insist he deposit an amount equal to what you would otherwise have made into your personal account.  Otherwise, why do you need a cohabitation agreement? (BTW, I have not read your prior posts that all seem to be variations on this topic, so if you gave more info there that I've missed, I apologize).

Dealing with a crazy WIFE and two year trial.  Don't play mistress then. Date him, sure.  Live together? No. Engaged while he's married? No. Stay independent, working and have your own life. By being on your own and your own place you don't have to be involved in the daily battle that this kind of divorce trial brings.  Find another companion is your other option.  

Dealing with a crazy WIFE and two year trial.  Don't play mistress then. Date him, sure.  Live together? No. Engaged while he's married? No. Stay independent, working and have your own life. By being on your own and your own place you don't have to be involved in the daily battle that this kind of divorce trial brings.  Find another companion is your other option.  

Lol, my advice?

Keep waiting, as in, DON'T marry this man. Is this really the life you want to marry into? If there are issues with the ex now while dating, better believe they'll get worse when married. 

IMO.

so I am really not trying to be a b**** here, but there are many many red flags going on here. For starters, your username is "secondwife1234," but your bf is still married, so you are not his second wife. Now I am not judging you for being with him while he is going through his divorce, hell I did the same thing, but I would never refer to myself as his second wife when he is still married. Obviously it is your own personal choice, but how could you/why would you get enaged to a man who is still married to another woman? If anything, it could really bite him in the ass in the eyes of the court. It could of bit my bf in the ass for having a girlfriend while he was going through his divorce, but you already live with him, work for him, and are engaged to him when they are not even remotely close to finalizing a divorce?

Lastly, why are you so worried about your bf dying and feel that you need to get ultimately what you think you "deserve." At the end of the day he has no financial obligation towards you, he has one to his still wife and all these posts about money and him dying makes you look like you are a gold digger. My bf dies? I would be devasted because we have plans together like getting married and having our own family, growing old together. I am not for one second thinking about his money, assets, etc. And we have been together for 2 years, his divorce is finalized, but until more time passes, I don't want to even get engaged just because I want time between the two. 

I'm not really even going to touch on the financial stuff. I've seen you post about it before and plenty have already chimed in with their opinions on it. I don't know you or what your motivations are and I'm just gonna leave it at that.

With all of that aside, what I want to know is why you want to be with a man--MARRY a man--who makes you question your place in his life? Been there, done that. Got the t shirt. Never again.

As long as you're not a shitty person, you absolutely deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like number one in all the ways that count, despite divorce drama or not. Plenty of people find new relationships before their divorce is final--that's nothing new. But hopefully they learned something from their failed marriage. Unfortunately, not all do.

You are inadvertently making yourself seem like a gold digger here, but I don't think that's your issue. I think you worry about whether or not he's committed to you. 
 

I was with DH before his divorce was final. I didn't plan to move in with him beforehand initially, but I ended up doing so. Divorce took 27 months. BUT- I never doubted his commitment to me, and he never would have told me that if I moved out it was over. 
 

Some separated men are ready to move on and we've been happily together for 10 years. In your case, I don't think you are using him, sounds like perhaps HE is using YOU. 

How can you be engaged if he is still  married