At the end of my rope.......
I am so fed up. I am new here so I will give you a bit of background.
I have a son from a previous relationship who is 5. My SO has 3 kids from his previous marriage.
I feel like I am the world's most evil person, but I don't feel like I can deal with it anymore. I feel like an intruder in my own house when they are here. I don't even get a hello when they walk in the door, but it's all 'hello dad', like as if they are making the point that they are saying hello to him but not me if that makes sense. They sit on the couch beside him and make no effort to move, to the point where I have sat on the floor, and still SO never told them to move. He has no problem with asking my son to move if he is in his seat though. They do not even so much as acknowledge my presence. It's like I am invisible. I feel awkward in my own home and end up either staying out most of the day, or staying in my room with a 'headache'. I don't discipline them, I wouldn't dare to be honest as I could imagine BM reaction if I did. I don't even want to. I read about something on here called 'disengaging'which I think is what I have started to do without realizing that's what I was doing.
It is beginning to affect my relationship though. SO disciplines my son, and at times I feel has zero patience with him, but as I have pointed out numerous times, at least my son interacts with him, and acknowledges his presence. He still doesn't get the hint though. The last straw was at the weekend. Skid9 orchestrated the most pathetic, manipulative, attention seeking pantomime I have ever witnessed, and SO gave in and pandered to his whim and didn't even bat an eyelid. I know for a certainty that if my son had done something similar, SO would have gone postal.
They have also made comments in the past where they have asked if my son is going to be there at the weekend, (he goes to his dad's some weekends) and have been told yes he is,they have then decided they aren't coming. Which is obviously them trying to take cheap shots at my son. All my son has ever done is try and be friends with them, but they make it totally obvious that they can't think of anything worse, and it makes me feel so bad for my son. It's so rude. They go in his room and pull out all his stuff, but don't share their stuff. I could go on and on but it's making me depressed just talking about it. I haven't spoken to my SO in over a week because I am bottling all this up because if I bring it up I will be accused of being a wicked stepmother. I am considering staying at my mom's or something during weekends they are here. Is this something anyone else has done? Does it work?
I can't lock his room, as
I can't lock his room, as they have to share when they are here. I would if I could though. Ijust can't bear being in my house and watching the manipulation that SO just can't see!!
Im an intruder in my house
Im an intruder in my house every other weekend too so I completely understand what your going through. It was so bad this past weekend that I actually considered going to a hotel with my two bios. My SS doesn't talk to me and I don't to him and any time he wants something he whispers to his dad.. and looks to see if I'm listening, its ridiculous. Sadly it's the only major issue in our marriage. Wish I had an answer for you.
Say something. What terrifies
Say something. What terrifies you about being called Wicked Stepmother? Big deal on that. Clearly that's what they already think. It'd help to know how old all of the skids are to decide how to proceed with them but either way, you can't fix anything if you don't say anything.
First, stop DH from disciplining your son. Sounds like he has an active Father in his life so that's your and his role. Discipline of kids should fall primarily on the Parents, not the Stepparents. This doesn't mean let a child run amok over Stepparents or disrespect them but that first order of discipline should be on Parent. You don't discipline his rude little sh*ts so he shouldn't be trying to order yours about.
Second, tell DH that if he doesn't require his kids to respect you (by speaking, by respecting your space in the home, etc) that you will teach them to respect you. Give him time to do it, watch him. If he does nothing, then do it in whatever way you see fit. If this means telling them to move so you can sit down, do so. If it means telling them to go out of the house and come back in when they are ready to acknowledge your presence in your own home, do so. DH won't like it and when he says something, you can remind him that you gave him the chance first to correct their rudeness towards you. You have to be the Authority in your house whether DH requires it or not.
Disengage from them but don't let them run you or your house. Engage if that's happening & DH is doing nothing, but only to the point of correcting the incident, then disengage again. Let DH be run over by their cahoots but if their "wants" involve time or resources from you, decline to participate. The more you let go and keep your son and yourself separate from their actions, the more peace you'll have. Good luck!
Lock up his toys!!! Also, do
Lock up his toys!!! Also, do not let a child indicate where you sit. You push them out of the way or stand in front of them until they move. My SD pulled this type of crap. DH finally saw it after I started pointing it out. That stuff stopped really quick.
As for being called an evil stepmom. Join the club, some of the nicest ladies are members. I will take the title anyday. It mean I loved my stepkids enough to be a parent to them whether they liked it or not....
Thanks everyone who has
Thanks everyone who has replied. It helps to know that it is not an unusual thing for some skids to act like this, and that I shouldn't just put up with it.
Funnily enough SO has approached me today about the whole issue, so I have taken the opportunity to tell him how I am feeling. He has agreed that something's gotta give so hopefully there are going to be some changes around here.
The thing is though part of me doesn't want him to force them to be respectful, cuz then what's the point, and they will know that their behavior has caused issues. Won't that just mean they have won? I'm so conflicted.
"The thing is though part of
"The thing is though part of me doesn't want him to force them to be respectful, cuz then what's the point, and they will know that their behavior has caused issues. Won't that just mean they have won?"
Um, no. Making kids be respectful is called parenting.
^^^^^ Yep !!!
^^^^^
Yep !!!