Dreading the weekend......Again
Well here we are again.....approaching the dreaded weekend visit. My DH works shift work so he works alot of hours and as far as weekends go, the only ones he's guaranteed to be off are the ones he has his son on. My SS is a joyless child who doesn't find happiness in things that most other kids would love. (Example, we took him to chuckecheese and he was pouty and bored) And....my husband had to bribe him with a new toy just to get him to go 
He never wants to leave the house or even step foot outside to play. Which means, we can't go anywhere or do anything on weekends we have him. When we actually make him go somewhere with us he pouts the whole time and says "i wanna go home" "when are we leaving" or "let's go!" 3 million times, it's truely miserable. And this has just made me get to the point that i won't even ask my hubby to leave the house while he's there. So what do i do....i sit in my room, watching tv and counting the hours til drop off time. My neices and nephews don't even care to be around him anymore (one even called him weird) He really is. so there goes our chances of even escaping to my family as an outing with him. This has made me so resentful, i not only hate when the weekend comes but i'm sad that this is precious time i'm missing out on with my husband. Just venting....
You know, I read this and my
You know, I read this and my first thought (not that I am on target often about this stuff) was that there was a posting under the unruly step daughter discussion about disengaging. It seems like that is something that would benefit you in this situation. Why can't you just pack up your kids or plan some outing or going to your family? It seems, from what those really great guidelines were saying, it is your DH's responsibility to parent your ss. Therefore, you just go on with your life going and if your DH wants to go he can get your ss in line, then he can join you. Otherwise, your dh can sit and take care of him.
I tried leaving on my own (no
I tried leaving on my own (no kids of my own) and tryjng to spend the day "running errands" a few times but honestly i feel a bit of resentful tension from my hubby when i do this. It's strange because he's not a clingy person and we have the understanding that we're able to go on our own and do things alone but yet i only feel the "i can't believe you left" tension in the air when he has his son. I don't like making him feel that way because when it comes to our personal relationship he is the most thoughtful, caring person. So i just suck it up and deal with it because I don't see anything else i can do
I think that wickedsm123 and
I think that wickedsm123 and Echo are on to something. Maybe explain to your dh that this isn't working for you. Tell him to plan something to entertain the kid at home (a game or whatever) and you will join in as long as the behavior/attitude is acceptable. Tell him that you are going to go out running errands and such and he can text you when the ss is under control, ready to participate in positive ways and understands the expectations....then you can come home and all three of you can start building some positive moments?
If things fall apart, then don't come home and have a back up place to go. (This will help motivate DH to get things together, if he really wants you home...LOL) If things fall apart during whatever activity you three are going to do, then quietly excuse yourself and go away to wherever and let DH get the ss back into a place where you can all sit down together again.
That way, you aren't being responsible for the ss, the dh is parenting, and you and your family are getting some positive time. (I know a lot of us disengage because it has become so bad, but I think all of us here...especially in the early days of our starting a new life with our dh/dw/so/etc....all wanted to have some sort of positive relationship with ss/sd's. I don't think any of us wanted to end up in a place where disengagement is the best solution for our sanity....I know I would have liked it different. So, if we could have had that positive relationship with healthy boundaries, we would all love it.)
Just an idea?????
Great advice. SS is 7, and
Great advice. SS is 7, and these are things i've just sort of learned to accept as my reality over the last few years as it's gotten worse. But now i feel like i can breathe again after finding this site and finding out how many other people are or have gone through the exact same things i am going through. I've questioned myself so many times over the last few years and it's nice to find out that i am perfectly normal and in good company. Thanks for the help
I agree with Echo. My SS7 is
I agree with Echo. My SS7 is as I call it "allergic" to outside (because his Bm never takes him out to play or to the park) and we do stuff. He is a child and he has to go along. He can't stay home by himself. He can try to enjoy what we are doing or he can be quiet and patient. We try to mix in things we like with things he likes. We take him fishing (and yes, he used to do the whine and pout thing) and then we watch a video with him. But if he does the whine and pout during fishing then no video. It has helped his attitude a lot.
I try to see things from a
I try to see things from a child's pov but i remember that when i was a child i was excited to be told that we were going to do something fun and i was thrilled to be offered to do things or have imput on places i wanted to go, i find it strange that he is not. It's not like we bring him grocery shopping or anything like that. I just wanna have him be the kind of kid who'll just take a ride with me if i ask but i don't know if that will ever happen. Bummer. I often wonder too....is he like this with mom?? And his stepdad,,,,can he take him places??? I'll never know.