Do You Have To Be Married To Call Yourself An SM?
Last night BF, SS13 and I were having dinner and during conversation (I can't even remember what we were talking about, it was something about the skids) I referred to myself as an SM (BF and I arn't married, YET!) and BF turned around and said "Your not their SM" my jaw fell to the ground :jawdrop:, I was so shocked he said that :shocked:, with no hesitation at all.
We have been together for 4 years and I have been in his skids lives for that whole time. SS13 has been living with us for the past 3 months and other 2 skids we see every Friday and EOWeekend. I have always looked after the skids when BF has been unavaliable or working and now that SS13 lives with us, I do the school drop, lunches, look after him when his sick, wash his clothes, make sure his uniform is clean and ready, all the motherly things.
BF did correct himself and said that he meant technically I'm not cause we are not married but I am because I do all those motherly things (I think he may have only said that cause he saw the look on my face).
This has pissed me off cause I do classifly myself as a SM married or not.
Is it wrong of me to think of myself as an SM? Am I just the kids slave? babysitter? or just BF girlfriend? My role wouldn't change if I was married to him, I would only have a different surname. Have any of you guys had this thrown at you before? I'm really offended by his comment.
Whoa Whoa Whoa There
You know I find myself in the same spot because I have been with the bf for two years and have been in his sons life since he was 2 years old... I play mom and yet I am not the "stepmom" however if I am not mistaken if I am just the GF I think that I should still be "wooed" by him should I not? No that is not the case, we play house everyday with our kids and I think that the only thing that is missing is the wedding. Don't worry Im sure that your SS loves you all the same, and I think that after 4 years and your involvement with your BFs son, dont you think he should decide wether or not he is going to be making you the stepmom any time?
AngelCakes
Yes, we have spoken about getting married, it's just the financial situation that's holding us back at the moment, we are hoping for next year (fingers crossed).
The suprising thing was SS13 was there when BF said it but SS13 did not utter a word, so I don't know what he thinks.
If it walks like a duck,
looks like a duck and quacks like a duck - its a duck. If you are doing everything a SM or MOM for that matter would do, you deserve the courtesy, respect and btw, the legal protection of actually being one and being called one.
Not to mention if you stay together much longer you will be considered common law married, and you will get I think the same rights and legal protection in a split. SS may have been thinking, is this how a man is supposed to regard his woman?
I am hoping your BF just spoke without thinking. I am sure he must notice all you are doing?
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I'm pretty sure there are
I'm pretty sure there are very few states left that have common law marriages anymore, and no technically you're not their "stepmom" until he actually marries you...but if you're at least engaged he should've kept his mouth shut just out of courtesy to you. Now if you aren't even engaged yet, that may be a sign that he's not ready for things to be that official.
That was pretty funky of him
My SS referred to me as his stepmom before we were married and he refers to his mom's BF as his step-dad(they not married)and we (stepdad and me) have been with H and BM for the same amount of time. Being referred to as my dad's girlfriend is just so crappy! that makes it look like your relationship is not serious and you could float out at any moment and what people do not see is the 4yrs you have invested. I am sorry he snapped back like that but the answer to your question given the length of your relationship with BF yes you are the kids stepmom. It would be different if you were the flavor of the week but you have a vested interest in the well being of those children. Head up young person!