As a NCP, do you enforce good grades? If so, how?
Dh's CO states he pays cs til ss graduates high school. That is pretty much standard in TX. So of course we want him to grduate ON TIME! lol! So our ss13 lives 2 hrs away and he visits eoweekend. Dh just now ot setup to see his grades online. Ss is failing (69) one classright now. He is unable to do sports because of it. We never see ss schoolwork and he is always 'done' with his HW when we have him. Or doesn't have any. Dh isn't so much worried about grades as he is about finishing cs on time and ss graduating high school. I think a 69 can easily bebrought up and am not worried. However I am worried that it could get worse down the road since he is only in the 7th grade now. Oh yeah, and bm didn't graduate hs. She must've got a GED at some point though. So, do you as a NCP enforce good grades? How?
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I don't know if he cares or
I don't know if he cares or not. It really bothered him that he couldn't do sports right now because he was failing a class. I've seen this idea of paying for grades. Idk how I feel about that. With my bios I would hope they knew good grades were expected and shouldn't be paid for them. Then again, in the real world a person gets rewarded when they do good so...? This might work for ss though as bm hasn't seemed to ver set high expectations for him. However, he does get money and such from bm and his grandparents. H pretty much gets anything he wants and asks for with them. We'll hve to think about this one. Thanks!
I did tell dh maybe we should
I did tell dh maybe we should ask the teacher for worksheets and things. But dh is pretty lazy when it comes to parenting ss. Anything that would require work and effort is pretty much left to me. I already went that route with ss and his teachers in the 3-4th grades. I'd rather dh take care of his own kid. Although I wouldn't mind being the one to help him with his work every now and then while here. My mom is also a teacher so it's 'fun' in a way. As far as grounding...well he doesn't have much to be grounded from here. He doesn't have his own room, the tv is in the livingroom and dh pretty much controls that. We could ground him from his phone, I guess. Dh was thinking about telling him the trip they planned this summer (just the two of them) would be cancelled if he fails a class....
Ha ha! You are right! I was
Ha ha! You are right! I was thinking more of th teacher could point us in the right direction. His lowest grades are science and history and idk how to help with that. I'm wondering if it's missing assignments stuff or writing stuff or low test grades?
My SS's SpermClan never has
My SS's SpermClan never has enforced good grades, academic performance or expressed any value for education at all. We would send SS's research paper assignments along with him on visitation and he would not touch them. We would pre-send letters explaining the assignment to his SpermGrandMa and his SpermIdiot before SS traveled to them for visitation and they would not allow him to work on assignments that were due following Winter Break or Spring Break. As they so supportively communicated to him "You can work on that crap when you are with your mom".
While he was at boarding school where he had been an honor student, an honor Cadet, a recognized leader the SpermIdiot helped SS hack the school fire wall so that SS and the SpermIdiot could play WoW all night. SS was so comatose from not sleeping he would sleep through class, skip class, etc, etc, etc....
I wish my SS's NCP and his family would have enforced expectations for academic performance. They would load the Skid up with all kinds of uneducated ignorant crap about how "visiting us is more important than school. Tell your mom you won't come back for another week." or "we have done fine without college, you don't need college."
If it kills his mom and me we will get him through a degree.
Not surprising that the SpermClan is not supportive of education, none of them have more than a HS education .... if that.
Just from what you've told us
Just from what you've told us about the SpermClad, the line about "we've done fine without college" is hilarious!!!
OD, Phew, I feel so much
OD,
Phew, I feel so much better. Really I do.
If reading is a predictor of success in life my kid will be the next Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. He reads nearly non stop.
I know he will ultimately be fine but why do these kids have to make things so much harder on themselves then they have to be? :?
Every parent says that. I know mine did when they were guiding me through my snarky teen and young adult years.
Ugghhhhhh!
Hey Tx mommy of 3 - just
Hey Tx mommy of 3 - just wanted to let you know that we're in the same boat you're in. Except we share 50/50 legal & physical custody of fskids (FSD16 & FSS13) with BM.
BM here didn't graduate high school. My FDH isn't the most "academically inclined" person (didn't graduate from college), either. So that leaves ME to be the "educator" of the parents. I have my Bachelors Degree and a Law Degree.
My FDH has to pay FULL CS$$ to BM (to the tune of $1,500/mo!!) for the pleasure of sharing custody of fskids with her, until fskids are 22 years old!!! Condition is: they have to be in school full time, otherwise CS$$ stops at 18.
Many years ago, when fskids were younger, I would spend a lot of time helping them do homework, study for exams, etc... But as time went on, I was feeling very unappreciated and FDH wouldn't enforce any rules or consequences for their getting bad grades when they did, so I disengaged about a year or 2 ago. I felt that if he didn't care/was too lazy to encourage his own kids' education, then it wasn't my problem. I was getting really tired of banging my head against the wall when FSD16 (then about 13 or 14) would bring home D's and F's in major (core) subjects and neither FDH nor BM would seem to care or do anything about it. They would just tell her to "try harder next time" or just ignore the bad grades altogether.
Now I fast forward to this school year - and I start to wonder about the massive CS$$ conundrum. Hmmm..... So if FSD16 doesn't go to college (or any school full-time), then CS for her stops at 18. So if I just continue to be disengaged, she will likely just keep failing this year (11th grade), just like she failed math & science practically all of 9th & 10th grade anyway. But something tells me the BM WILL have her enroll in ANY COLLEGE (even if it's just the local community college, which almost ANYONE gets into so long as they're breathing & have a pulse), just so that her massive CS$$ dollars keep on rolling in.
I've recently been trying to push skids to get good grades again (they're in 8th grade & 11th grade this year) - encouraging them that they need to do well to get into college and to get a good job/career so that they'll be financially comfortable in their lives. However, I think that our BM is simply teaching them to use/live off of other people anyway (ESPECIALLY FSD16, who will likely grow up to be JUST.LIKE.BM). So I really doubt that all of my effort & hard work is going to "make a dent" if I look at this as realistically as possible, KWIM?
If your DH is 100% committed to educating his kid(s), then it will be easier for you to enforce good grades, etc... However, if your DH could care less if his children are not doing homework, failing grades, etc..., then it is an "uphill battle" for you as SM.
Oh I get ut. Andi do NOT want
Oh I get ut. Andi do NOT want to be the one responsible for ss grades. As long as he graduates hs on time! I went that route in elementary. Ss was having trouble with reading. Te teacher talked to dh because bm wasn't doing anything. So eow I would read to ss while dh dis nothing. I was the one who had to correspond with the teachers (under dh's email), find ss books, read to him, etc. I burned out because I was the only one who seemed to care. So yeah, I could be the one now to talk to his teachers, gt work, help him, enforce everything, but I have my own kids to worry about now. I feel dh should step up. I mainly posted to get ideas for him. You are right, it is an uphill battle. And ss is only in the 7th!
I get it too. When my
I get it too.
When my Step-son, now 20, was nearing the end of high school, I was the one making sure that he at least got a high school diploma. I always had to do the heavy lifting, no help from SpermIdiot or his clan, or even my DW.
He eventually graduated, but has not enrolled in college, and is not working. He currently lives with SpermIdiot clan, so as long as they want to pay for his existence, more power to them.
Yep, paul_in_utah - this: "He
Yep, paul_in_utah - this:
"He currently lives with SpermIdiot clan, so as long as THEY want to pay for his existence, more power to them."
EXACTLY!! I am WISHING AND DREAMING AND CROSSING MY FINGERS that this happens in our situation, too. If both fskids graduate high school on time, neither one goes to college full-time and lives with BM full-time - FINE WITH ME!! Let BM pay for their existence when they "don't feel like" working or paying rent or for any of their expenses.
This will mean our massive CS$$ ($1,500/mo. for 2 fskids even though we share 50/50 joint custody with BM!) will end as each fskid turns 18. Countdowns will be MUCH shorter:
For FSD16: 1 year, 6.5 months more
For FSS13: 4 years, 9 months more
Otherwise, FDH is required to pay the massive CS$$ until they each turn 22!! Great state of New York we live in!!
StepAside, I totally agree
StepAside, I totally agree with your parenting methods (of your own bio's) 100%!!
Still scratching my head trying to figure out SOME LEGITIMATE REASON for why these bioparents in DIVORCE situations could really care less about their children's education????? WHY do they have such LOW EXPECTATIONS of these kids??? Why can't they see that they are just continuing the "cycle" of raising dependent, leeching, idiot "adults"?? How can they honestly say that they are PROUD of these failures???
I don't get it...I just don't get it. (Milomom shaking head back and forth). :? :?