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BM wants to change SS last name

stepmom21's picture

Submitted by stepmom21 on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:26pm

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So this weekend when we dropped off SS after Easter BM meets us outside with a new custody agreement she wants signed. She wants to change SS last name to her new husbands last name. She said she will not sign the agreement until DH agrees to let BM changes SS last name to her new husbands. BM and her new husband have only been together 1.5 years and in that time have gotten married, moved 2 times and she is now pregnant and due this summer. DH is thinking he will just let her change his name to not continue fighting and going back and forth to lawyers. Has anyone else gone through this?

SASX's picture

Submitted by SASX on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:35pm

I-m so happy this.

Let BM take him to court. The child has a right to having his true NAME, not whatever name BM wants to give him this week,

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:46pm

^^^ This x2

You want to talk about nerve, BB? How bout our BM who served FDH with a letter from her attorney saying he can only speak of SS by his middle name (the one she picked, he picked the first name) because that's the only name SS has ever known.

Total BS.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:57pm

I am pretty amazed at what her attorney is willing to do. Absolutely AMAZED.

friendorfoe's picture

Submitted by friendorfoe on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 3:32pm

You're made a great point, what if they divorce!? Someone else below said THEY were the child and it's what happened to them and they don't sound too happy!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:39pm

Oh no. Tell BM that will only happen when her DH adopts SS, and that when he does, all CS payments will cease. And we all know she really doesn't want to lose that CS, and why, and it has nothing to do with SS.

knucklehead's picture

Submitted by knucklehead on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:39pm

A couple of my kids have changed their name to my maiden name. (Long story as to why, and it wasn't my idea.)

It's doable, but it's not likely to happen if BD is in the picture, supporting the kid, spending time with the kid, etc.

Given this situation here, I wouldn't do it.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:50pm

^^^ YEP!!^^^

Over DH's dead body will SS have any other last name than ours. That is a JOKE.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 2:56pm

yes & no for going through that. I would like to suggest for your DH to not sign them papers. BM is excited about her new life/child on the way BUT your DH is still the birth dad of this child. The SS could end up with mixed emotions after the name change if DH chose to do so & there is no guarantee that BM will for ever remain with her future husband to be. Your SS should have full legal say in changing his first and or last name when he is of age & it would all be on/up to him at that point.

That must be an insult to DH to be put in that position in the first place, it will pain DH if he signs permission to do so.

Yes & no means my SD has told my DH she wants to change her last name to her BM's last name & he felt pain that I can not put into words even. Much respect was lost & she actually put a wedge between her & her birth dad.

IceQueen's picture

Submitted by IceQueen on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 3:15pm

My POS mother did this when I was a child. The way she phrased it to me as a child was "if you love your younger siblings wouldn't you want to have the same last name?" So I being a child agreed, because I loved my younger siblings.

Was it wrong? HELL YES!!! As an adult I see how underhanded it was and that she did it to spite my father. My dad was tired of dealing with psycho and threats and let her do what she wanted. Was it right, no, but he was trying to keep the peace and wanted to continue to see me.

BUT, it did hurt in the long run. My reality is that I am my father's daughter, and not my EX step-dads.

DON'T let him do this, the child may end up angry that his father did not fight for him to even be connected by name. And if your husband is paying child support, then you make it crystal clear that ALL child support stops and also make it crystal clear to new step-dad that if a divorce should take place, then he WILL be liable for child support till the age of 18 or older and possibly for college. Let's see if new step dad is ready to sign those papers to change the child's name. It may be easier if you phrase it to new step-dad this way, rather then bm.

Changing a child's name is not a game. It has serious implications.

friendorfoe's picture

Submitted by friendorfoe on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 3:16pm

No nonono!!! Obviously he sees his son, he has every right to say no!!! She had absolutely no right and I don't see any reason a judge would say otherwise.... Unless there is something we don't know, but i'm going to assume she's just being nasty.

We actually have an ongoing similar situation. BM wants to change kids last name to her... Get this.... EXHUSBAND's last name. Long story short... Hadn't happened yet. I'm so glad to see through this post that there are actually a few other people this is happening too. We should start a support group, haha!!

CrazieCoconut86's picture

Submitted by CrazieCoconut86 on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 3:19pm

Hell NO! SS should have his biological fathers last name, unless BF is not in the picture. In that case, SF would have to adopt SS to get the name change. Don't let your spineless DH allow this. I think a judge would laugh in her face if she proposed this in court.

stepmom21's picture

Submitted by stepmom21 on Tue, 04/10/2012 - 3:44pm

Yea, we go to all his sports/school functions, pay CS every month on time and directly into BM's bank acct. Plus we pay half for all sports. BM lists her new husband as the 2nd parent on all his forms and registers SS in everything as new husbands last name. The fights we have gone through and the lawyers fees over the past 5 years just to get where we are now is crazy! BM just wants everything to go her way and she has no regard for anyone else but herself. DH said he is going to call her bluff and say if she wants her new husband to be his "dad" she can change his name but she has to sign an agreement to no longer get child support payments, as well as we continue to have our scheduled visitation as is. She will say no way because all she wants is $ and that will be the end of that. I told DH to be ready just in case she does agree to that. I am 99.9% sure she will not. And if she tries to keep SS from us because DH will not agree to the name change it will just work out for us in the end when the judge sees how she is just trying to alienate SS from DH.