But I'm baised with SD8 bad behavior. Its hard to feel the overwhelming need to 'keep her close'. However, Yes, I'll be concerned for her well being but I think if she is with her mother or DH's mom, that will be the best place for her to be - permantely. I talked with my DH about this, and he wanted me to go and fight for custody of her from the BM, and I don't know if I'll have the fight in me if something like this were to happen, especially after all we are going through right now. He understands, but I hope I'm never in this situation. Maybe in years to come will turn my feelings around ... lets hope so.

My wife and I are beneficiaries for each other in the wills. In the event of our joint demise it all goes in to trust for SS until he is either 40yo or finishes a Masters degree from an accredited college or university.

As for not seeing SS again, I have very little worry of that happening. The Sperms would not want the added cost of caring for him, paying for college, or anything else for that matter. Bio-Dad pays minimal CS and it would be ~3X-4X more expensive to actually have and raise the kid than it costs BioDad to pay CS.

Someone mentioned on another thread a while ago that the Bio-Parent can assign their rights to someone else prior to their demise. I do not recall the terminology or which thread. Also, if the child and SP have an established relationship the StepParent can petition the court for visitation rights which are apparently awarded fairly often in cases of a Bio-Parent predeceasing a long term involved StepParent.

There are advantages to being an involved "evil" step parent over an uninvolved "idiot" bio parent. Kids are not stupid, they know who actually cares and who does not. At least in cases where they are raised from a young age by a married bio/step parent team who treat the kids as valued members of the family.

I cannot speak from the perspective of situations where the Skids are polluted by the behavior of a toxic bio or step parent from the blended family opposition.

Anyway, there are ways to protect your resources and your relationship with your Skids.

Best regards,

Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD

No...I wouldn't want to see him though...on the other hand, if I died my husband wouldn't get to see my son. Now THAT worries me. In fact, I'm sure my parents would have to hire a lawyer & go through the courts just to try & see him too. And they wouldn't be able to afford it, so that worries me

and I would have the same relationship that we do now I think. I know they would "stay in touch" as they still want to have contact with their little brother, and in the future it will be easier, as BM will never change, no matter what happens. I feel that my skids and I are family. The thought of my DH dying scares me. I would be so overwhelmed with grief.....it makes me feel really glad that we live close to both of our families now, as I would need them more than ever if some thing like that happened. I honestly don't know how I would go on with out my DH, I know it's "smart" to have a plan down if some thing were to happen, but I don't like thinking about it. :("~waiting on the world to change~"

I guess I'm more expecting that to be the case. SD lives in another state and we only see her twice a year. If something should happen to her Father while she's still a minor I'm pretty positive I'd go a very long time without seeing her. I hope that someday when she's older she'll want to reach out to her little brother but that's about all the expectation I have.

but sd is another story.

I have raised my skids almost all their life so I do love them more than anything in this world. They are still small so I worry ALL the time about if something happened to my DH that I wouldn't see my skids anymore because BM does not like me. So I did some research and there is something called a "de facto" parent. It started to give foster parents rights and also a case went to the Federal court because two female partners had a baby and then broke up. The BM tried taking the chid away because she was blood and the other mom wasn't. The judge ruled in favor of the non blood parent saying that she raised and cared for her and much as the BM did. I found a bunch of stuff on the internet about it. It seems like it would be hard but if you have raised your skids and cared for them it can be done....

I don't worry about not seeing the skids as I have a great relationship with the in laws and the skids would still see them, so weather BM likes it or not she would have no choice as she constantly palms her kids off to the inlaws so she can party her life away.
I do worry about the financial side of things though. Even though the house that we live in is technically BF I have contributed alot in furnishings, renovations etc... so I know that if something was to happen to BF (touch wood), BM would make sure the skids get everything and me left with nothing, I would have a major fight on my hands on claim what is aleast mine.

I was, but BM is a moron. She agreed that if we let her pay $5 less per month in child support she would make me a legal guardian for SS. If something happens to DH, I'm still the legal guardian and still have the same rights to him that she does. She wouldn't want him anyway.

I hope not. I would gladly live the rest of my life without seeing her again.

and be able to cut me out of SS life. I would miss him, but I would enjoy the quiet. What I would hope is that I have been a positive force in his life and he would miss me and try to call me or something...but ask me this again when he becomes a tween, or even a teen.

I'm not terrified because, quite frankly, when DH kicks the bucket, SD8 is a brat and will forget about me anyway. I've done so much for her, yet she has not shown an ounce of appreciation... so I don't really care if I see her again or not. I'm also pretty sure that when DH is gone, BM won't be able to control him so she'll try to control me and use me to satisfy her needs... not gonna happen! When DH is sadly gone, I'm cutting all ties with those nasty leeches.

Nope....My husband is a soldier and has been to Iraq twice...The thought of him getting hurt or killed terrified me...The thought of not seeing the step brat again provided me with a feeling of relief...

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. disgusted

I have only seend SD stb16 about 3 times so far and she is a nice kid and all and she lives 3 states away. There would be no reason for me to talk to her. I mean if he knew her really well or helped raise her or something and she wasn't a complete nightmare then I would probably want to stay in touch with her.