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Anyone else have BM with supervised visitation?

stepmum's picture

So, supervised visitation requires, uh, SUPERVISION. Who is supposed to supervise her? Me? My husband? Her parents? I think this is crazy, but I don't know what else to do. We COULD possibly go for full custody but we don't believe the judge would issue it since the boys are still relatively young and we really don't want to take custody away from her. God knows what she would do. And frankly, both my husband AND I believe that she should be able to see the boys and spend time with them. We don't think that what she has done thus far, getting evicted from countless homes, losing her jobs, being arrested and hospitalized, should be penalized because she is sick. We have shielded them from all of this. I myself was manic depressive when I started dating my husband. I had been for 15 years and I finally reached rock bottom and realized that I was going to lose everything I'd ever loved if I did not get help. And I have been taking meds for the last 2 years and have been able to rebuild my life and love and be loved. She needs medication. We are hoping the court will agree and state that she needs to at least see a psychiatrist, or somehow or another force her to take meds. We just don't know what to do anymore. Our situation has been so far removed from many on this board that I really just haven't posted a lot. I know some of you deal with bipolar bm's or bm's who truly are narcissistic or abusive. I just don't know of a lot who are dealing with someone who is truly out of their minds in one respect and who could potentially hurt their children. We have been walking on eggshells for almost 5 years. My H can't stand her and tries to avoid talking to her whenever possible. These calls he's had to make regarding the hearing have been sheer torture for him. I am just trying to be there for him as much as possible. I know he wishes we could have gone on forever enabling her and making concessions for her, but at some point it had to stop and I told him we just had to make that leap, give it up to god and believe that it would work out the way it needs to instead of trying to control so much that it was making us sick.

I don't know what the court will rule. How will she ever keep a job if she has to take 2 weeks off to visit? Where will she stay? What will happen in the summer when she is supposed to get 4 weeks minimum? Will we have to supervise her? Does that mean she'd just come to dinner at our house and then play with the kids for a few hours and go back to her hotel? Does that mean we take them there and sit there and watch them? How long will this go on? Will we ever get a break? Sad

If you want more back story, it's on my personal blog -- thank you for any responses!!

mombydefault's picture

The BM of my SS does not have supervised visits, but she should. Like you, I too have had issues w/depression, but I have it under control. BM on the other hand is an actual danger to SS in my opinion, but nothing history wise w/her mental state can be proven. It would be my husband's word against hers. I'll be glad to expand on details in a private email, but as much as I hate the woman I'm not going to post her mental history to the public (although she certainly deserves it). My husband does not want his son to grow up and think that him not seeing his mom is his fault, so he has not fought for full custody. My husband is also terrified of fighting for full custody because legal systems tend to favor women (even crazy ones like BM). We have primary custody. BM only see's him 2 weekends a month, and that's IF she doesn't flake out on us to go get her nails done (seriously). To top it all off, we have to transport SS to and from her house because she refuses to learn to drive (she's in her mid-tweenties). We finally hired someone as a mediator to transport SS to BM. It was getting way too tempting for me to step on the gas peddle when BM was yacking her mouth standing in front of my car. She absolutely disgust me. She calls to cancel seeing her son on a regular basis yet when she sees him she tries to buy his love. She presents him w/tons of candy (which we would never allow all at once). She kisses all over him (he's Dirol and baby talks to him. Knowing how little she cares about him and then seeing her act this way disgusts me like nothing else could. Anyways, I'm not in your exact situation, but I can certainly relate. Email me if you care to know any thing more or just need support.

stepmum's picture

How are we supposed to know when we get responses to our blogs? Oy.

I am so appreciative of your response! Yes I would very much like more details because our situations do sound very similar (and she does the same thing with the guilt parenting when she sees them. Sigh.

I will post a new blog saying what happened since october and how it went and I will track my blogs from now on!

~stepmum

bellacita's picture

i always use the "MY RECENT POSTS" tab to know when people are responding to me...hope this helps!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

stepmum's picture

I had been using the recent posts nav bar for a while but for some reason I never noticed that tab attached to it...I had just resigned myself to using 'track'.....

muchly appreciated!

~stepmum