So scared of the teen years...

well, I can say that right now, life with skids is good. It def has its moments that I wonder what the heck I was thinking. But those are few and far between. SD9 and SS6 are great kids. I love them so much!

My fear though, is reading some of the posts from people that talk about the teens. SD9 is already acting like she is 13. I don't remember being anywhere near the way she is at 9. And I remember trying my parents hard!!

BM is a pain in the arse, but could def be worse. She stays out of our way, we stay out of hers. We have very differing standards of living from her- we both(DH and I) work and make decent money. We both like to go places and do things, we both want nice things. We both want more for the kids than we had, and we are willing to sacrifice a little to get it. We both expect the kids to maintain good reputations. WELL... BM does not have these same standards. She does feed the kids, and 90% of the time make sure they are safe. But I can see that in her house when the kids are older there will be very few rules. At least, normal rules.

So I wonder, what will those years be like? Will BM make our lives hell by letting the kids run free, or will she work with us? And will SD ever look at me like an outsider?? Will she treat me like some of the skids on here do their SM??

I know I am being paranoid, but I do remember the teen years with a mom that I loved, most of all because she was my mom! How will it be when its a stepmom telling her she can't wear that outfit or go where she wants to go?

sigh.. only a few more years to find out...

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I worry about teenage years too...

SS8 and I have great relationship but I worry about when he gets older. And the point about the different lifestyles will SS choose BM when he is older as it is the easier road to take? We have rules and consequneces for SS that BM does not have. BM will get fed up with SS and call H over for them to talk to him but H is the only one talking and BM does not follow through but H and I do. SS is horrible at his mom's I cannot stand to even be around him when he is with her but when he is with us he is different kid. He acts like her when with her and acts like us when he is with us. I just want him to act the way he does here when he is around other folks and not the way he does with her. I do not want SS to be ugly to me that way others post. H assures me that SS will be picking himself up off the floor if he ever does treat me that way and that is great to know he will not stand for it but that will not prevent it from happening.

I for sure dread teenage years.

oh yes, the "different child".

Both kids to that as well. As a matter of fact, BM invited me to eat wtih them before a school event recently(which I would do, she is ok to be around like that) but the kids are horrible with her! And there is no way I could sit with my mouth shut and let them behave so badly. I had to decline. That is what scares me as well, her home is the easy life.

My DH has said that he thinks the kids will want to be with us for more reasons than it just being easy..but they know we take care of them. Kids do need boundaries, and people say they appreciate it. But I don't remember appreciating them at 14-18. I hated them.

My DH is the complete opposite

he thinks that if he doesn't have any boundaries or rules for Blabb, she will love him more and want to live with him.

yeah

Being I have a sd almost 20 and met her father when she was 15, I don't blame you. She is a character stright from hell.
but his son, 16... is nothing like her and actually what I would say is a pretty good kid mostly.
He may not tell us everything, he is a little lazy, sloppy and even greedy ( human traits) but he respects us.
He talks nice to us and does not use foul language or yell at us, he does not have hissy fits and is not unrealistic wit his expectations of us and what we are and will do for him.
I'm saying not all kids are terrible teens.

I am very pleased with ss considering his sister is the most rude, crude, nasty 19 year old I've ever seen or heard of or heard, she talsk like a 40 year old hooker on a bad day with the language and she's sooooo LOUD, she screams instead of talks and she is very bossy too.
ss is nothing like her, maybe because he sees her and lives with her and doesn't want to be like her ???
sd is actually scary, she is so out of control of her emotiona and temper, I don't put anything past her, I feel she is capable of going off the deep end and someonday hurting someone
and she maybe needs to be on meds. I think she may be seriously crazy but H says she is just a normal girl. hahaha
how's that for denial
because if she was a normal girl, people would not have kids !!!
lol
I believ she has PAS ( parental ainenation syndrome) and also an underlying mental disorder, narcisitic personaly disorder (NPD)
I think she has them both. She sure is a peice of work !

Be afraid, be very afraid :)

My sd - 14 just informed her dad that she did not want to be treated like a "kid" and wanted to be included in things like a "freind." I take this as she thinks she should be recognized as an adult in the household. So are we supposed to consult with her now on household issues and decisions? I think not!!!

The whole thing just pissed me off.

I think unity between the adults of the household is important to head this kind of crap off before it starts. However, that seems to be the propblem that most of us have. In my situation, Dh parents like bm and they believe their children to be their friends and exempt from any kind of guidance or discipline. The result? Kids who are extremely selfish and rude and feel like they should have say in everything and do whatever they want. I can't stand it.

If I would have seen this coming before we moved in together I would have stayed in my own home.

oh I soooo agree with you georgiegirl !!!

Sd wanted that too as her mother is her "best friend" and lets her party all night, lets her have parties, lets boys sleep over, lets her drink, they even got matching tattoos !!!
She wanted to come into our marriage as a "friend" so she had another place to party because her mother is getting tired of waking up to a flithy house every weekend.
SD even told me that she could do whatever she wanted at her fathers house ( he moved in with me)
and I had to just laugh at her because that would happen over my dead body.

Some parents want to be friends and some want to be parents.
My husband is her parent, not her friend and she will not use and abuse us or have the chance which makes her very angry she cannot control us.
I am glad my husband is like he is or I would not be married to him. I agree treating a kid like a friend makes them very rude and selfish, feeling they have all the rights of an adult without the responsibilites
and it is no good for anyone in the long run or short run to have kids with that kind of attitude.

Awww, don't be scared 4ofus

If I haven't blown my brains out yet, then YOU can get through the teen years when they rear their ugly hormone-laiden head!

Trust me, we blended our family 5 years ago, when the kids were JUST entering their pre-teen years (the WORST POSSIBLE TIME).

His three girls were so steeped in PAS, and at age 12, 10 and 8, they were still trying to struggling with the devastating effects from their parents UGLY divorce. Add to that, RAGING hormones and a middle SD who we believe is suffering from BPD, and you have a recipe for some very bumpy years which continue to this day.

They are now 18, 17 and 13. And most days I have a perpetual eye tic and chest pains due to stress.

And then there's my boys. They were 9 and 13 when we blended our family. My older son has Down Syndrome (which, believe it or not, is actually the EASIEST piece in this puzzle!) but my younger son was diagnosed with early-onset childhood Depression/Bi-Polar at age 10 and would constantly talk about killing himself (a nice way to start off our marriage!) Luckily, with a lot of intense therapy and mood stabilizer meds, he's ok now and has been for some time.

But with 5 teenagers to deal with, and a horrible BM who causes emotional abuse to her girls, you can see that it's quite a lot to deal with.

So if I can make it through, you'll do JUST FINE!

Just keep laughing. And have a full stock of fine pharmaceuticals on hand for yourself to help take the edge off!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

wow, you had the odds stacked against you!

And you still seem very sane. Or..is that the parmaceuticals talking?? j/k I guess my situation could be much worse.. and I am still far enough away to be prepared.. I usually keep a bottle of wine in the fridge- it helps with the skids as well as those pesky husbands!

Honestly?

A VERY good sense of humor helps immensely.

Just keep laughing when things get bad, because sometimes that's ALL you can do!

And yes, if wine helps- then I'm all for that, too
(I go for the "harder" stuff, as wine triggers my migraines)

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

OMG!

My BD13 has hit the teen years and I'm getting gray hair FAST!!! She is testing every boundary..she is boy crazy..and very stubborn (hmm..like her motheR). She is a good kid though..plays sports..good grades, but it's a constant struggle..and I some of these boys today are SOOO rude and disrespectful..she had a friend over the other night and 10:30 at night a few boys were ringing my doorbell!

I try to be open and let her communicate with me about everything, while at the same time keep a tight leash on her while also allowing her some freedom...

I'm just starting and I want it to be over

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"