STILL NEED SOME HELP!!!!
Well I think I have been watching too much Sex and the City, however, they make life seem grand. So my DH is probably going to let my SS stay sun. night at his BMs. We have placement and it is her weekend, however I do not feel a kid should be at someone elses house on a school night even if it is his moms the court gave us placement for structure and consistancy. My DH does not see the problem because Monday is mommy take your kid to school day so my DH feels no problem to let SS stay the night for her to take him to school on mon. however the papers say he is to come home at 6 on sun and 7 on wed. if they wanted him to stay overnight on a school night they would have done that. So what do I do, continue to fight with a man I love or just stop caring so much, I hate this and sometimes I want out just to get away from it all and that kills me because I love them so much. I just can not understand why he just wont tell her no, I know he does not want problems with her, so what he would rather have them with me?? I just do not feel SS should be out on a school night he needs routine and that is at our house that is why we won. My DH sees no problem in being nice because we did win, who cares about one night, well we have not even been doing this for 2 months and it has adjusted 3 times. I do not want him to set a standard that all she has to do is ask and we switch things around, we need consistancy and structure in our family as well, not to mention I feel like he would rather fight with me than her and that makes no sense???
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I understand your position.
although we don't have the same "consistency" as you guys, but I understand that 1) it is not ANY monday it is "mommy...." monday, and second you want to strictly follow the schedule... But honestly, my advise is just, let this go, it hurts, is a special day, but... there is not much you can do, other than telling DH exactly how you feel, and maybe he'll be empathetic enough to do something about it... But remember MALES see things in a less sensitive, more mechanical way, FEMALES see things differently, a mommy day is important for us ... and things of that nature...
G
Let it go
There is nothing wrong with a child spending extra time with the NCP on occasion. Unless the other parent is a complete numbskull and requires supervised visitation, I think that it's a good practice for the parents to work together (if they can) for the best interest of the children. It looks like that is what is happening in this case. The custodial parent (dad) is allowing extra time for mom and child to spend together. This is a good thing!!!!!! Wouldn't you be upset is mom had custody and refused to let dad have extra time for no real good reason??
Sounds like you just want to
Sounds like you just want to "win" over BM to prove to yourself that your DH will pick your side over hers. I think your DH just thinks its a nice idea and no big deal. I'm afraid I agree with your DH. Don't argue just to try and win, especially over something trivial. Pick your battles so that when something is actually a big deal he will be more willing to listen to your perspective as opposed to just chalking it up to you picking a fight.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Sounds like you just want to
Sounds like you just want to "win" over BM to prove to yourself that your DH will pick your side over hers. I think your DH just thinks its a nice idea and no big deal. I'm afraid I agree with your DH. Don't argue just to try and win, especially over something trivial. Pick your battles so that when something is actually a big deal he will be more willing to listen to your perspective as opposed to just chalking it up to you picking a fight.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
You said this
Perfectly!
You didn't mention the appeal,
I have the same concerns as you if BM is still appealing the court's decision.
I tell DH how I feel and what I believe may happen if he does it his way, then usually he takes some time to think about it and if he thinks I may be right he changes his mind.
It's a roll of the dice really. And I know how hard it is when the ultimate decision is Dh's but the aftermath affects you too.
Like you said previously, after all that struggle in court and he's already bending things for BM.
I agree with many of the posts, the best thing in most cases is for the parent's to be flexible for the kid. But if you've got a BM plotting to head right back to court and use your kindness against you, it's best to use caution.
I know time is running out to decide, but I would make sure to tell DH how you feel and your fears, then tell him it is his decision and you will respect that. THen let it go.
I know my DH cannot process things we discuss until he has time to think about it without me talking about it anymore. It's when I keep brining it up and insisting on him making a decision that I get the answer I don't like.
Best of luck to you, please let us know how it goes.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
Rosedeer, I know you have animosity towards BM
And I don't blame you a bit! I think it's perfectly justified. I also know that you have legitimate concerns with the ongoing / pending court stuff. But I really think if you look at this from an objective standpoint you're going to notice two things. First, you don't want her to keep him Sunday because you won in court and that's not what the court said. Did the court specify that you could, for example, have him on BM's weekend to attend a wedding out of town? I'm sure not, but you would undoubtedly like that flexibility when it works in your favor. Second, he should have consistency and structure. I wholeheartedly agree, but one night is not going to "ruin" him. I'm sure there will come a time when a family member is sick and he has to go to Grandma's for the night on a school night or something.
My advice, take a deep breath, let this go, and try to view parenting with less competition. If you're hoping to "win" every battle you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Be gracious about this one so that when the time comes that something really important comes up you can say "Look DH, I didn't put up a fuss with situation A, B, or C, but I must draw the line here" He's far more apt to take your side when you only try to beat her on the big things.
I know it's not easy taking the high road - Good luck!
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Well thank you all, she is
Well thank you all, she is still apealing the case and maybe you all are right about not hurting him, but we got a phone call the other day because my SS who is 4 was singing crazy bitch on the bus and he told my DH he did not want to tell him because he did not want to get mommy in trouble, well who is the adult there and why would she listen to that around her 4 year old son? Not to mention their is no routine yet it has not even been 2 months and things are changing, my SS is almost 5 and is still not fully potty trainne because he has emotional issues and a women who is unstable at this time does not need to fill his head with hating me and the song crazy bitch, the words say you fuck so good im on top of it!!! He tell us that mommy is going back to court to get more mommy days and that she hates rosedeer1. I do not think she should have extra time until she can act like an adult and a mother and put her sons best interest before hers and that is what the court said, that she puts her emotions before her sons!!!