SD's School GGGRRRR What Can I do
I emailed my SD's school director today to inform her that my sd's doctor wants her to be placed in behavioral therapy for her behavior issues,(SD has austism) and the directors response was Before I go into depth about what the school district is responsible for, I probably should ask if you have any legal custody with the child. Even though you are probably her primary caretaker, if you do not have any legal rights, technically I should not be discussing the child's program with you. I don't want my communication with you to cause future problems for you and your family. I was angry and said ok so i am good enough to put a roof over her head, food in her mouth clothes on her back, raise her, help her with school work, etc all the things a real mother does isnt good enough she has to come out of me to have to ask a question wow... What can i do to have the school system talk to me regarding her education etc.. please help...
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we just went through this
And whoever is the contact of the legal guardian has to give you the right to speak to the school about your SD. I went there with her FATHER and even with paternity papers, he couldn't do anything b/c BM never put him on the contact list, and they had to call and get her permission... ridiculous....
But the roles are reversed now, we just enrolled SD yesterday in a new school and guess what? BM is now the nobody she made FH on all the papers (going so far as to put her new hubby down as SD's FATHER!!!!) she's got no right to SD or her info at all....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
This did work though
I meant to add, while they refused to SPEAK to us, they did, after a little persistence, LISTEN to us. We did all the talking, basically letting them know about a situation that was affecting SD, and the potential for an incident on school property due to BM's insanity. Oh they listened up real quick after they heard the last part.
So if you are desperate, perhaps try this tactic. Explain specifically you are NOT looking for information for them specific to SD, you want to provide them with information, and would appreciate any resources or avenues they would advise to pursue the ability to further discuss SD specifically.
I know it's exasperating, but it worked for us....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Legally ...... not much.
Baybee,
As a Sparent you have no legal standing or rights but all of the responsibility of a "REAL" parent.
You have to provide for he wellbeing of the child when the child in in your presence but ...... you have no legal standing.
As far as interfacing with the schools, Doctors, courts on your Skids behalf ..... JUST DO IT until someone in a black robe with a gavel tells you you can't. That is what I have done since day one and still do 15 years after starting my SDad career.
When I have run in to a hesitancy by the schools, etc .... to speak with me regarding my SS's best interests I make an appointment and my wife and I go deal with the School, Doctor, etc ... together. We then give them a notarized authorization signed by my wife stating very clearly that I am authorized to speak as an authority on all things associated with my Skid and demanding that the School etc ..... communicate openly with me.
The letter probably does not have any legal standing but we usually staple our attorney's business card to the letter which so far has worked without exception.
One thing that I think has helped is that on the rare occasion that a School official, etc .... refused to talk with me I don't argue with them I just tell them to go look in my son's (SS's) file for the authorization from my wife. They put me on hold and come back a while later and ask "How can I help you Mr ....".
Most school officials are not legal scholars and know far less about how to deal with StepParents than you do as a step parent.
I would recommend not backing the official in to a corner with a contentious attitude. Giving the civil servants some wiggle room and being firm but respectful usually keeps them engaged and gets me what I want.
I follow the fake it until you make it philosophy of Sparenting and just make it up as I go along when it comes to dealing with BioDad, BioGrandMa, the courts, schools, Doctors, etc ..... Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not but I always try to maintain the perspective that my goal is the best interests of my Skid.
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
baybee
The parents should be taking care of this correspondence. I know its tough but that is the way the system is set up. Can BF take care of this?
My husband doesnt even have
My husband doesnt even have a clue as to help his child, im the one who told him something was wrong with her when she was 2 years old not speaking a single word. I got her all the appointments she needed to see what was wrong with her. I placed her in all her intervention programs. I do everything for her because he is still in deinal that she has a disability. and for her mother she is out of her mind she dont know if she is coming or going and my husband has he custody of her for the last 5 years because her mother tried to kill herself in the house and left the daughter unattened for a day while she.
then
you need to talk to DH and have him get you permission - if he doesnt want to do it then he needs to give you the tools to do it.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."