And so it begins----picking up BMs slack
For the last 3 weeks, in growing frequency, F has been receiving calls from BM demanding he play chauffeur for SD14. BM is expecting her latest spawn at the end of the month, and with a flurry of dr. appts plus general laziness, no longer has time to take sd to her orthodontist appts, pick her up after school, or take her to her cheerleading events. Even though all of these things happen on days where she has custody, F is expected to pick up her slack. Northernsiren, also the same woman that BM said in a fit that she did not want alone with her child (NO REASON mind you, just to be a b*tch) is also an acceptable chauffeur, and being unemployed, guess who is stuck doing it?
I am soooo pissed ladies, and sick to death of fighting with F about it. I am sitting here typing one handed due to surgery on my dominant hand less than 2 weeks ago. I drive to my dr, that's it b/c it's dangerous, oh and to drive sd too. I have NO problem doing this to help F, or SD, at least when it comes to Dr and after school help ( I refuse to help w/ cheerleading, as I don't think SD should be forced to do it the way she is) but why oh why does it feel like I'm helping the BM? F is appreciative of course, b7ut it really doesn't make that much of a difference, Im still mad as hell.
Perhaps the most maddening thing F believes that after her spawn is born, BM will realize she cant possibly handle a 2 yr old, a new born, and a teenager, so she'll willingly allow sd to live with us, and give up her child support. I'm ready to ring his damned neck, he's stepping in and picking up her slack, so why on earth would she ever capitulate and give him custody? PLUS she's going to need her maid (SD) and constant babysitter even more now.
Last night he informed me that we are now responsible for transporting SD to her thanksgiving day football game for cheerleading, since BM is "too pregnant". So much for us having any plans, perhaps to visit family! Normally we stay home, b/c the following day is when we observe our anniversary, so we try to make it a nice long weekend. But b/c of that, F said we'd do the transporting and were available. UGH. I was not allowed any say in this, or even any reaction. He cut me off and told me not to say anything, he was already mad enough. So where, other than steptalk, am I supposed to express my emotions on this? no where apparently. He told me he wasnt even going to tell me b/c he couldn't deal with me getting pissed. WTF?
So with no other option, I tried to be positive, and told him to call BM and tell her we'll be picking up SD the night before, and the three of us as a FAMILY will be making thanksgiving dinner, which we will enjoy together when the football game is over. Just one more opportunity for SD to see how a NORMAL family does things, and how crazy the BM's insanity really is.
I'm just so annoyed by all this. I KNOW, especially since he's capitulated now, that this is just the tip of the iceburg. I better heal up fast and find a job right away, or reconcile myself and buy a chauffeur cap now!
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Comments
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt...
Northern, oh boy do you need to get better and back to work FAST!!! Because DH is totally fooling himself if he thinks she'll give up her CS so SD can live with you full time.
YOU are exactly right- BM will continue to expect...
*SD play her FT babysitter
*you & DH play chauffeur for her every whim
We went through this same thing with our BM. She used every excuse in the book not to fulfill her responsibilities to her children, but it all comes down to selfishness and laziness. Our BM doesnt work- she lives off the HUGE CS she gets from DH. But she has found so many excuses to not take the girls to their activitities on her custody days over the years- so we do.
Some of our favorite excuses over the years:
-she's too busy (really, sitting on her a$$?)
-she's tired from being pregnant
-she's traumatized from miscarrying her 1st pregnancy
-she's tired from the 2nd pregnancy
-she's tired from giving birth
-she's tired from having a 1 yr old (the following year)
-she's tired from having a 2 yr old (the following year)
-she's a single parent (she's still married)
-the 'baby' doesnt like to ride in the car
-she's overwhelmed
So eventually, we took a stand. We told the kids if they are at BMs house and BM cant take you- sorry, but thats what happens when you live there. When you live with us, we get you to activitites. We are sorry you are disappointed, but you DO have options. (We can say that because it was getting SO out of control and the kids are older- 13 and 16 and can choose to live with us FT if they want).
But we had to put our foot down and finally stop the insanity.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
thats exactly my fear, your
thats exactly my fear, your list above is where this is heading, 100%. SD could care less if she doesnt make it to cheerleading, BM is forcing her to do it. As far as the extra help, SD grades have plummeted this term, and she should be staying after for extra help as much as possible. Sadly, SD has had her braces on for 6 YEARS, partly b/c she inherited BMs atrocious snaggletooth, and partly b/c over the yrs BM has regularly canceled the appts whenever she felt like it (aka before she realized what a sucker F is) and SD would go months instead of weeks between tightenings and adjustments.
F says that BM will just call him a deadbeat if he refuses, and bad mouth him to SD. SO WHAT IF SHE DOES???? SD loves her dad and I, and hates being with her mom. SD KNOWS F works 6 days a week to support her, himself and I, and she knows its messed up that fat lazy BM who is a stay at home "mom" has no time for her, BM can say whatever she wants, SD will never believe it!
grrrr I so wish hed see that and take a stand the way you guys did....
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Glad to see you back
Northern, though not under these circumstances! I know you don't mind helping your DH out, but I think I would politely tell him not to volunteer your services.
its just hard for me to say
its just hard for me to say no if he asks, given how much hes had to help out since my surgery, and how i pretty much sit home all day! 6 more weeks of this too!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Fantasy Land
Chica your man is in fantasy land. Once BM pops at that other kid she is not giving SD14 up. She is gonna hold on to that $$$ and have you guys running around like chickens with your heads cut off. Not only does she have your man running around but you to. Omg = get back to work. I would let your F do all this running around and just start disengaging from the whole travel thing - I don't of course mean your SD but you are not the flippin chauffer. Ugh!
I wish hed see that, its F's
I wish hed see that, its F's CS that allows BM to sit home on her ass and not work, she is NOT going to give that up,PLUS SD is the maid and baby sitter, why on earth would the fact that SD has to go without b/c BM is too busy with the rest of her brood to take care of SD needs mean a THING to her???
He's delusional, I swear.
Now if only SD would REALLY start acting out, go on housework and babycare strike, etc, maybe we'd get somewhere...
}:)
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Amen ema!
BM will never let go. The more you let her control you, the more she'll try. The best thing to do with a bully-mother(b.m. LOL)is to stand up to them like any bully.
Doesn't she have a man in her life or some family member who can pick up the slack for her now that she's ready to pop?
I guarantee though, she's going to be a complete f*** about you having SD for T-giving...she'll probably demand that you bring her there so she can be with her "family" --gag, yuck
Stay strong because you're right.
oh lil_teapot don't you know
oh lil_teapot don't you know that housework and childcare are WOMANS work????? BM's husbands machismo would never allow him to vaccuum, do laundry, or *gasp* care for his own spawn. No, if BM can't/won't, its up to SD. and so it goes at BMs house.....
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
BM's family to help her
Yeah, RIGHT!
Our BM is remarried, but still tells the girls that she's a "single parent" and she can't take them to their activites because she has NO ONE to help her!(And they buy that excuse, too)
WTF??? So where is her "Mr Wonderful" who she left DH for??? Guess he's not so wonderful after all!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Girl get a job at the airport
Hey if the airport is close where you live you might as well get a job driving limo's cuz at least you get paid and get tips. Flippin BM! Women like her shouldn't even be allowed to reproduce. What a puta.
seriously, we can't even
seriously, we can't even afford to get married Ema, even with me working full time, and she's on state healthcare sitting home on her ass. Oh and shes gonna homeschool these kids too, just to be sure she NEVER has to go back to work!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.