My Ex-H does this to me all the time. Calls and tries to chit chat like we're friends. Drives me nuts! Hello, I divorced you, I don't want to be your friend! I tell him, is there something you need regarding our son? If he says no, then I say then don't call & hang up. Some people you just have to be blunt with or they'll never get it!

yeah, my husband would never hang up on anyone either. If BM is bitching, he just sits there while she's bitching saying uh huh uh huh until she's done. Then he tells her he'll talk to her later. But he does this because he knows it pisses her off more. When they were married she used to get pissed that she could never get a reaction out of him (because he never cared) She would yell & scream & he would ignore her and it'd maker her even madder. He thinks its funny.

His witch ex was horrible to him. Had an affair on him in their home while he was away on business- while the kids were home!!!

Then lied and said she wanted to reconcile, all so she could SNEAK things out of the house on him!

Then she completely HOSED him in the divorce.

But still, he would answer her phone calls whenever she beckoned- and it was never about the kids. It was just about HER needing attention.

So finally, I had enough. After three years of marriage, I told him, if he wanted a daily realtionship with his ex-wife, then I would divorce his ass and they could live dysfunctionally ever after, because I would REFUSE to live this way any more. He was either going to be married to me or her- but NOT the both of us.

New rule- if the phone rang and it was her- he BETTER not answer it. Period. Let it go to voice mail. And get back her ONLY if it really about the kids. Because it hurt my feelings otherwise and I would no longer stand for it.

Maybe it's time you take such a stand. There's no room in a marriage for 3 people.

Would he tolerate you doing the same to him?

I don't think so!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

Our Bm calls my Dh with computer problems and questions. Sometimes with her home computer and sometimes from her work!

It burns me! She needs to find somebody else for her computer problems. Dh doesn't want to be her friend.

Dawn

BM: Oh ex DH my sink is leaking, what should I do?

DH: Is the faucet on?

BM: Oh well let me check, yep that's it! Thanks so much!

ME: WTF?????????????????

Calling her DH is the funniest thing I've ever heard. If you ever do that please post right away! LOL! I think I'll laugh all weekend at the thought of that. I bet BM would go stupid.

he needs to stop taking her calls. if it is really important, she can leave a msg and he can call her back. he has to train her on this, bc picking up the phone every time she calls is ALLOWING her to call and giving her the impression that its not a problem. WRONG. she doesnt need to call unless theyre bleeding, and most of what needs to be discussed can be done at exchanges. if your DH doesnt enforce that honey, it will NEVER STOP. ive successfully trained DH to ignore her calls and texts and not answer either unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY REGARDING SD. and let me tell u, the calls and texts have cut back TREMENDOUSLY. not to say she still doenst try, but usually gives up after the first call or text w no response. see, if shes not getting his attention, she will quit.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

im sure one of them is old enough to dial the number, rite? so tell them this: they are welcome to call ANYTIME. but heres the code: ring once, hang up and call back! and its their little game w daddy, so BM doesnt need to know! then he wont miss their phone calls and u wont have to deal w this absolute BULLSHIT.

he really needs to start thinking of u and the baby more--is he gonna be in the middle of feeding the baby or changing a diaper and she will call and he will stop what hes doing and answer the phone???

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I am with bellacita, the kids should be the ones calling him, not BM unless there is an issue that she needs to discuss regarding parenting. BM is playing games and I hate that crap too. If claims that you are trying to cut the kids out of his life and refuses to let the cell phone go to voicemail, then why don't he get the kids a shared cellphone that they can use when they are at her house? That way he can call the kids directly and vice versa.
I know a lot of people disagree with this and I did at first but that is what BM did with SS9. She only did it so she could avoid talking to us and calling our phone. It's a pain in the ass and doesn't always work but it is worth a try. We started leaving the cell phone off at our home because she does the same when the kids are at her house. But at least SS9 can check messages that we leave.
My best friend skids had a cell phone with prepaid minutes bought by their BM. They let the kids talk to BM at their house but the phone had to be at a central location and not in their rooms.
When BM calls our home, which is so rare, she usually communicate via e-mail only, he lets it go to voicemail. He will call back if it is relevant or not.
There is no reason he cannot let the phone go to voicemail, check the message and then call back. He needs to stop playing into her games and giving her control of your lives.

at least its on HIS terms, u know? and its not him being at her beck and call. ask him to next time she calls, let it go to VM, listen and wait 5 mins even before calling back. and cut the call short. the tables need to be turned and she needs to know he is not at her disposal.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I lived with this guilt for years. "Don't make me choose between you and my kids". I think this could be the worst type of abuse someone can go through. I felt horrible like I was doing something bad to his kids. You aren't doing anything wrong. If he wants to talk to the kids then he should call them. I believe that the BMs and DH should only talk about issues with the skids not every day life situations. They aren't in a marriage anymore. Everyday life situation conversations belong to you now not her.

SD9 doesn't like to do anything on his own either. We have to make him dial a friend to ask to come over. He is too nervous, worried, anxious....all this from having BM breathing down his back all the time and holding his hand when he does anything. Hell, he was having issues sleeping and she said that she would sit with him in bed and rub his back until he falls asleep. He's not a toddler. I told FH why don't she just breast feed him again until he falls asleep. Crude, but not too far off. This kids will never be independent if he is scared to do anything for himself.
Even ten year olds, can operate a cell phone. It will make them feel important and cool. You can buy a cheap prepaid one and if it gets lost you won't be out that much. It might be an option.

i think at ten maybe they can manage!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

The only way to get through it is together. H needs to tell bm the new rules...when she has the kids do not call unless there's blood or broken bones; she is not to call H unless it is about a specific kid related topic--times, places, etc.; during the times she has the kids, her call will go directly to voicemail...if it is an emergency regarding blood or bones, we will return the call, otherwise it waits until we're free.
I've done this...H has agreed to these new rules among others. It has dramatically cut down on BM calls.
Since she is pushing your buttons you can either not play her game, or find her buttons and push them...sometimes the high road isn't the right road. I've tried taking the high road from day one, with the constant bursting into our home whenever she feels like it. But finally I snapped and said "no more!" So, I'm going to fight back. When i called her on her bullsh*t behavior, she started a giant war and told me she could get me thrown out of our home...so that was a huge battle between her and me then H and me cuz he didn't say anything.
I've also happened to come across quite on accident bm's counseling letters...things she wrote to H when they were seeing a relationship counselor. Oh they're quite funny...how she wants her family to work out and how she wants to be intimate again, blah blah blah. Funny thing is it was written all while she was having an affair with the guy she eventually left my H for...oh and walked out on her children for.
So, I have read all these letters and notes she had and now know that she thinks she's old, has low self esteem, wants to be liked, and is stubborn, yadda yadda yadda. Now I know how best to push her buttons.LOL I make it a point now to let her know that I don't like her...which makes her think about that part of herself that wants to be liked and wonders why I "hate her so much." I'm not saying its right to push her buttons like that, but I figure she hasn't respected me one little bit, or my relationship with H, so why not fight fire with fire? Plus, her and H cannot, willnot, fight a fair fight...they both have said repetedly that when they fight, "they fight to win." So now I have the ammo to win a fight with her. Maybe it's not right to do that, but I'm not getting trampled by her again.

BM calls regarding SD15 when it had nothing to do with her. We went on with this crap for months and I finally had had enough - we couldn't even go to dinner on a friday night w/out the phone ringing at least 3 times. My FH usually did not answer the phone because he has been telling her for mths do not call unless it is important. But in her mind everything is important even. She acts like some bitter ex wife - when they have been broken up for 16 years - he would avoid avoid avoid and finally when I came in to the picture I told him there is no room in our relationship for a 3rd party. He put up boundaries - call if there is emergency, email me if it something important. If you call me and leave me a message I will not call you back. If it is important I will email you. We have done this for 2mths and the BM is so enraged that she can't have full access to my FH now (she tells him they are supposed to be partners - he told her EMA is my partner you are crazy) that she crashed our dinner party where I met the inlaws for the 1st time, then the next day got in to a 20 minute screaming match, then 2 days later she is threatening more $$$ and she now wants a parenting plan (for a kid that will be 16 in 3mths) and she is threatening him that SD15 can not see us co-habitat. She really thinks she calls all the shots. So I can see in one hand why our DH/FH/BF's try to keep the cool because this is the kind o SHIT that these crazy women pull if you aren't at their beck and call. If your DH sets boundaries and sticks with them I would be really proud of him but be prepared to go to war over it. Take care!