They walked in the door and SS10 is already acting like my baby and I arent here
So I decided last night that I was going to try really hard this weekend to enjoy my skids presence... I thought.. make the change w/myself first, and perhaps they will follow suit! Boy was I wrong.
So.. sd10 walked in first, I greeted her, asked her about her soccer game, and listened intently to what she had to say.. ss10 had lingered on the porch, he finally comes in, dh is now in the kitchen and out of ear shot. I say Hi ss10. He just stares at me (stares, glares, not sure which.. probably a little of both!).. I said, Hi ss10.. again nothing.. I said, Umm... hello ss10, you can say hi back! He then shrugs, and mutters, hi. I rolled my eyes (great, already broke my trying bit.. am sleep deprived and dont really want to work this freakin hard).. I said, bring your bag up to your room please.
Dh comes out of the kitche, I told him what happened.. In a never before seen move, dh yells up the stairs to ss10. Tells him that when people say hi to you, you need to acknowledge them back w/a hi.. and that if he cant have respect for frustratedinma, then that says that he must'n be happy coming here, that we do things for him and his sister, like take them places etc, and that he needs to be a lot more appreciative. That if frustratedinma addresses you again, you are to respond. Also, that he is not to spend the entire weekend in his room.
I almost fell off the couch. Good thing I didnt, I might have crushed our baby that was trying to eat!
Progress ladies!!
Tomorrow I am having a surprise bday party for dh. My mom and family are bringing his fav cake, and I picked up a gift from me and the skids, and baby today.. I hope he enjoys his surprise party!! OH.. and true never getting the full story fashion.. sd10 tells me how she is going to her school friend's house tomorrow to finish a project.. I asked what time she needs to be there, she shrugged.. I asked dh, he knows NOTHING about this.. GRRRR.. they live an hour and a half away from here, and I have this party planned... When I had told him about the project date she has, dh said, well no one told me, I am returning them at the normal time. Ok w/me.. party is still on!
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I dont know that ss thinks I
I dont know that ss thinks I tattled, or that he thinks dh heard me repeating myself, and therefore went and said something. It was like a min or two from him going upstairs to dh walking in and me mentioning it.
I agree.. his tattling on me for any PERCIEVED slights would be immediately forgivable!!
We just went out as a family for a walk around the block.. SS10 took an interest in the baby, as sd was pushing the stroller, and he wanted to get HIS TURN!! like the baby is a TOY!
Anyway, we all made it back.. and are winding down for bedtime.. THANK GOD!!
I think that the skids will wait til the opportunity presents itself to treat us SMs poorly.. DHs cant be present ALL the time.. UNFORTUNATELY!!! I dont blame dh, but do love that he is finally sticking up for me w/their bad manners and attitudes!!
Now I have to see if I can rent a dvd of that routine or something!!
I'm glad he stuck up for you
But I am guessing there is more in store for you. SD pulls this crap all the time, and DH is so enamored of her he is blind. As long as she is not openly hostile to me, he thinks that is good enough. To him, that is her being well-behaved. So, she would do what was "expected" while he was there (like say hello to me, although ALWAYS at his prompting). After she did that twice, he somehow convinced himself that she was being properly polite. So he never bothered to enforce it again, and those were the only two times she said hello to me. So when I finally brought up the fact that she couldn't even be civil upon entering my house, he got mad at ME!
Do you think that there is
something going on that SS isn't talking about? He might feel jealous that the baby lives with Dad fulltime and he doesn't...that doesn't excuse his behavior, but DH might want to try to reassure both skids that he loves them just as much as he loves BS.
Dh has done the reassuring
Dh has done the reassuring thing.. and ss and sd have not lived w/dh since they were a little over a yr old. That said, they dont ever remember a time when they did live together. Add to that he has a stepdad that he refers to as Dad.. and he is in their lives daily.
SS has been building to this for a yr or two now.. I just think now he feels that he has a valid excuse to hate me now that the baby is here. They actually started being rude to me about the time that their mother assaulted me in front of them. That was actually 3 yrs ago now. Neither would speak to me after she assaulted me. Mind you, I did nothing back to her. I stood there and then asked her to take her hands off of me. I didnt do anything to retaliate or anything.
My DH is usually there with me when
Blabb comes over or when we pick her up. I NEVER say hello to that child first because she never responds anyway. I wait for the greeting and if I don't get one, oh well... I'll ignore her too.
DH is a little frustrated by this tactic, but I'm not going to bounce up and down like a cheer leader whenever we get Blabb.
"HI BLABB! I'M LIKE SOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
Also... Blabb likes to give me the skid look too. I'll say something to her like, "Maybe you should wipe your face, Blabb... you got chocolate all over."
She'll just stare at me without saying a word... and then walk away to do something else. Or she'll cry and flail around because I told her to do something that she didn't want to do.
Regardless
When they do visit their birth father, probably for court ordered visitation, they do need to acknowledge the other family whether they asked for more family members or not. They are kids and need to be taught good manners.
FIM, I am SO EXCITED your DH finally enforced respect for you!!! That is cause for celebration right there-!! Have a great party!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
The skids have another 1/2
The skids have another 1/2 sibling at home... so they should be used to the idea that families expand...
That said.. here is the rest of the nonsense this weekend...
The rest of last night went well. This am.. was ok as well.. they started to turn again at lunch.. and here is why..
ss10 knocked over his drink when putting it down, seconds after I gave it to him, and prior to everyone sitting down to eat. He just SAT THERE!!! I was like, ss10, get up and get the paper towels and pick up the drink... dh went to do it, and I said, let ss10 do it.. he knows how (I know they know how.. they just DONT pick up after themselves.. grr) so it takes ss10 about 5 - 10 mins to do this.. dh directs him, as he keeps trying to stop before its all done (under the guise of he didnt notice where all the drink went) once that is all done, we all sit down and eat lunch.. I get the look several times (I know.. how dare I suggest a 10 yr old is capable of mopping up the drink he spilt w/paper towels when someone else could wait on him.. this is why they are not allowed to have food or drinks in rooms other than the kitchen!) So after lunch, dh suggests they clean off their plates, they are doing so, and are getting water all over the counter and floor. Dh gets upset and asks what is going on.. dont they rinse their plates at home.. he gets a yes, and asks, then why cant you do it here w/o getting water all over the place?!?!? good question..
The skids go to their room to play, I take the baby and go to the living room as he is FINALLY falling asleep. Dh suggests the baby should take the nap in his room, I say no.. as I want to keep an eye on the baby.. about 15 mins into the nap on my lap in the living room, I can hear Hungry hungry F N hippos from their room.. they are SLAMMING it all around.. I cant even hear the tv over it. Dh thinks its cute that they are playing w/that game.. I explain that they havent played that game in like 2 freakin years!! I go out onto our porch and close the door behind me so that the baby can continue sleeping. Dh got upset saying, they arent doing it on purpose.. (yeah... RIGHT!) so after about 30 mins on the porch.. skids come down onto the porch and find another loud game that dh has and start playing it!! I was like.. WTF!! So, dh goes to tell them to bring it into the house, I told him no.. they can stay out, we are going in. I then have to move AGAIN to avoid having the baby woken up.. Can you say PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE?? where do children learn this?!?!
So.. awhile later my family came over, the party went well.. and now the baby and I are here by ourselves relaxing and recovering from our day. Dh is on the drive back w/the skids.. I probably wont see him til about 9pm tonight, as it takes 3 hrs roundtrip for dh. I think I will order something for dinner, have a glass of wine and enjoy the quiet.. . til the baby wakes!!