i think staying together for the sake of the kids when there is no love is just as bad, if not worse. kids dont need to grow up around that either.

smart kid u have there...wonder where she got it from?

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

firm advocate of this idea---although I know that it is quite difficult for some. I agree completely with your daughter. I stayed in a marriage for my kids & I am glad I did. I waited til my youngest was 18.

Out of the mouths of babes.

I couldn't do that, my ex-husband was dangerous. And considering my husband's ex kept cheating & getting pregnant with kids that were not his, he didn't have much of a choice either! Maybe there should be a 1 year waiting period from when you get your marriage license before you can actually get married, like there is for divorces in some states (like mine)!

I agree that a moratorium on divorce until all joint children were 18 may be an appealing concept. But, I think such a law would be the death knell for marriage.

It sounds to me that your daughter's career has a bright future. When does she replace Dr. Laura?

Best regards,

really doesn't have anything to do with it. I agree with Rags completely. It had more to do with where my children would be better off. I wanted complete control of my children while minors and I wouldn't have that if I didn't have them EOWeekend. Their schoolwork, spiritual and emotional well-being was my absolute number one priority BARRING ALL ELSE.

Obviously sometimes waiting it out can't be done (when danger/drugs/alcohol is involved). In my case I just grit my teeth and went to lots of sports/school/kid functions and really tried to enjoy myself. My only concern was my children's well-being and that is the God's honest truth. Fortunately it worked for me and my children.

I am not bragging, I am just trying to share a different approach to all of this. I know it wouldn't work in many situations.

im glad it worked for u angel, and i think its incredibly selfless of u to have done such, and maybe for some people it would be worth it. i definitely think its something to think about and consider. but for me, being a child of divorce, i never wouldve wanted my mother to wait it out w my father until i turned 18. i dont think its good for kids to grow up around two people who dont love each other and wouldnt be together if not for the kids. i wouldnt have wanted my mother to sacrifice herself and a happy life just bc she had me after she saw what my father was really like. and thank god she didnt bc she died just after i turned 18, and so she wouldve never had that chance for happiness.

i think, in most cases, if two people fall out of love and dont want to remain committed to each other, they shouldnt just for the kids. thats kinda like saying none of us should be here bc our partners shouldve stayed w the kids other parent. and i just dont feel parents should put their own happiness aside for the kids. what message does that send to them about their place in the world and future relationships? what does that teach them about family, and love? and also, how sad would u be if u later found out your parents were miserable together bc of u? i feel when the parents are happy, they are better parents too. i know my DH was miserable w his ex and was a shell of a man. now hes w me and even his son has told me thats hes glad his dad is FINALLY so happy.

again, angel, im glad it worked out for u. u and ur ex mustve been very selfless, took a different approach and were mentally strong enough to put their own needs aside for the kids. and i commend u. i just think the arguments for the other side are pretty strong too.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I know friends who's marriage has been rocky since DH and I married nearly 8 years ago. This relationship has continued to ebb and I know that all families do to a certain extent. Eight years ago they had 2 kids, her BD and a son together. They fought like cats and dogs and made up like rabbits. Well along came 2 more daughters within the span of 3 years. They are miserable more than they are happy. They are only together because they are both penny pinching little bastards and each are afraid of having to pay the other. So, they remain in this loveless marriage where they sometimes can't stomach the sight of each other. She has had numerous affairs and their home looks like a demolition site. When one is angry at the other they will kick holes in the walls, punch the doors you name it. It doesn't look like anyone lives there except for the nice pretty furniture. But what good is expensive furniture in a loveless and broken (literal and phyisical sense) home.

In the meantime, the kids grow up witnessing this. They have picked up these poor habits and coping skills and even resorted to stealing when they visit others homes. I'm talking kids age 5-10. They are not doing well in school. They do not have any outside or social outlets. Everytime they have enrolled them in dance or karate or whatever, it lasts for all of two weeks because the parents are too busy fighting over who is having more of the responsibility. So both parents are looking out for their own best interests and everyone is overlooking the kids and their well-being.

I definitely don't think that parents should stay together. It is equally as damaging.

P.S. I have talked and talked until I'm blue in the face and quite frankly, I'm all talked out. I have my own family issues with stepping that I can't take on someone elses problems, ignorance, stupidity or whatever. They don't see things the way that outsiders do. Nothing has changed except the number of children. They are still MISERABLE and can't even get along for their kids sake. I don't even take their calls anymore because the calls are always drama filled. Ugh! Who has time for that?

Step Mother's Motto this week is:

You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.

I would probably be a bitter old cat lady, and DH would probably be in jail!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

When my first husband and I were married and my first son was born disabled (Down Syndrome), it was clear he wanted out immediately.

He expressed this desire by never being involved with our son, never coming home after work, drinking to excess, making reckless choices, and putting our family at risk in many ways.

Four years into our marriage, I did get pregnant again, which only complicated matters, and he disappeared from the family even more.

By the time my youngest son was five years old, he would ask me, "Mommy, why does your face always look sad?"

And by that time, I knew this marriage was not good for my children- that I was not able to be the best mother for them in this state.

So after 11 LONG years, it was over. It should have been done WAY before then, but I held out for as long as I could.

And after I was divorced, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I was a better mother to my boys, because I ALONE was responsible for them (the ex really wasn't around) and didn't have the extra worry of HIM and his unexpected chaos that he brought to the marriage.

Without my ex, there was finally peace and stability for the three of us.

The divorce was in 2001. I couldn't even imagine still having to live through that hell now, 7 years later, while my youngest is only 15, just for "his sake".

God bless you if you can, but it's not always the best option for the kids.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

In your case, I coudn't of done it either. Every case is unique and I think you are absolutely correct.