Hold her and tell her that you are sorry.....sorry that he isn't there to hold her to. You are right, you can't promise he'll call or come around again. This is something she's going to have to go through with the current situation.

And I think you made the right decision to keep him at arms length until he learns how to grow up and be a dad...

Just be there for her, and it's good to let her let out her feelings, and even cry if she needs to. It's a huge loss. And you do have to let her know that you don't know what the future will bring, but right now this is the way it has to be. I do commend you for not saying anything bad about her dad to her....you have already made a HUGE step in the right direction."~waiting on the world to change~"

My ex is the same kind of guy. He is in and out of jail. He has problems with drugs. He was always in and out of their lives. After he was arrested for drugs (meth) the first time, I went to court to have his visitation rights withdrawn, until he completed a parenting class and an in-patient rehab program. Thankfully, he did not show for court and I won. Well then he got sent to jail for drugs issues, and was going to be gone for two years. My DH and I had to console my son for a long time. It does get easier. Not that the kids ever forget, but they do adjust. I was honest to a point, basically "Daddy is going through a tough time right now in his life and it is not in your best interest to spend time with him. He is having to work really hard to take of himself so he can become an even better Daddy for you". We assured him that we were there for him and that we all hoped that Daddy would be able to see him as soon as he was in a better place. It is tough. Nothing breaks your heart more. I felt guilty for the fact that this was the man I provided to my children as their Dad. I hated seeing him hurt.

I agree with Step, just say you are so sorry they are hurting and assure them that both you and "dad" loves them forever and ever.

I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

he moved away though so it was easier im sure on her. but she always told me no matter what he was still my dad and i should love him. funny bc my "dad" always thinks she brainwashed me against him, but really, HE did that himself. as i got older i saw him for who he was and made my own decision. it is tough to have him not in ur life and it affects u more than u realize until u get older and can piece it all together. BUT at the end of teh day i remember who i DO have who loves me, and thats ALOT of people, and those im not biologically related too love me so much when they have no obligation to...sooo...it really is his loss and not bc of me and who i am. its hard now, but she will get it as she gets older. until then, all u can do is be there like u are and the no badmouthing is so commendable and it really does help.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

My son was 5 and his dad and wife had had a baby boy 2 years earlier. They really pushed for our son to be a big part of the babies life. My sons SM is a nice lady but was very insecure in those early days, she had huge problems with him having a child to another woman.

One day he didn't turn up for visitation, the number was disconnected...hmm? weird. They had moved!! Left with no word no address no number and no word to our son. My son cried and cried, not just for his dad but for his baby brother as well. I just kept saying daddy's working, he finally got it that dad wasn't coming anymore. I cried so many tears for my son and was so angry at his father, I knew it was all because his wife couldn't handle it. It took every bit of strength in me not to tell my son his father wasn't worth crying over. I sat him down and told him his daddy and his brother loved him very much but daddy has some things he needs to sort out and he would come back when he could. I told him that i would be here for him forever and let him cry everynight with me until he stopped.

3 years later his dad came back crying that he had made a mistake, I simply told him he would have to earn his sons trust back and our son would decide when he wanted to come and stay over night. I have always been proud of myself for loving my son more than i hated his dad for what he was doing to him, I never said a bad word and allowed him to try and make amends with no interference.

Our son is 15 now. He stopped seeing his dad when he was of legal age to do so at 12 by his own choice. He never felt comfortable there and his dad never could repair the bond he had broken They talk on the phone once or twice a year and sadly he lives 20 mins away. he doesn't send cards or gifts and sometimes even forgets to call on B'days, but my son knows without me saying a word who has always been there and always will be. It's a heartbreaker, but you'll know just what to do. Hugs.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

I'm raising 3 kids with out a dad, My oldest turned 18 six months ago,so now i'm down to 2. I'm not sure what you can say to them to help, mine always and sometimes still do think there father was god.
He took his life almost 5 years ago,my kids (mainly the boys)still have all the mixed feelings,my daughter was 5 then so she hardly remembers him anymore ( even though we were divorced, It breaks my heart to see them hurting) and i'm sure you feel the same.just be ther for them, answer questions on a need to know basis,and at there level,in my home being i'm the parent left, i get alot of the blame and resentment, because it's easyer for them to be mad at me then him.
let me know if theres anything more I can help you with.