My FDH and his ex-W have NOT had an easy time of daycare situations. The first began reluctantly at a cut rate and ended badly with allegations of child abuse (nowhere near founded enough to warrant a CPS investigation, but significant enough to warrant ending it) and the second took AGES to get going because ex-W couldn't afford her half and FDH was being flaky about info-gathering (like, ahem, when the sessions start and what the late pick-up fees are). Now, less four months after finally getting her into a local center where she's actually making friends, he's thinking of yanking her out of the daycare and putting her in a more expensive "school" daycare.

He has good reasons, I found out after much probing. He started with silly reasons about environment and "she'll never get into Stanford if she goes to daycare with kids whose parents are scumbags" -- and then progressed to real reasons, like the fact that the daycare administrator was recently fired and one of the best longtime teachers quit. I had it out with him about the silly reasons -- *I* went to Stanford and I tell you it had nothing to do with fancy-pants education or with whom I hung out at age 3 -- because I don't think it's right to judge other parents when HE'S got a lot to learn about parenting. But I'm torn about addressing the real issues with yanking her out of daycare. Because the only reason I'm against it is because I don't want to rock FSD3's boat any more so than it's already going to be rocked in the coming years... but if the good staff members are leaving anyway, isn't that already chaos in action?

The way I see it is: Leave her where she is. Her last daycare situation terminated abruptly and she has NO friends. My FDH says "She's 3" as if this means she cannot have friends -- but I point out that she's never BEEN in a situation where she sees the same kids every day until now and she's right at the age where she takes an interest in other people, so there's been neither motive nor opportunity before now. Also, leave her where she is because she'll need consistency this summer when her mother moves out of the marital home and her father moves into it (I shan't be coming, I've decided -- we can live together when WE pick the residence TOGETHER). Also, leave her where she is because you DON'T have the money to pay for the more expensive school. Lastly, leave her where she is because the expensive school is actually run by a Synagogue and FDH hasn't decided how to address religion and God with FSD3 (I'm Jewish, he's says he's atheist but behaves agnostic, mom is lapsed Christian something-or-other), so why invite a conversation you're not ready to have?

The only way I'd revise any of this is if 1) the OTHER good teacher quits, 2) FDH and ex-W TOGETHER decide FSD3 needs a change of venue, or 3) FDH moves closer to ME and wants to put FSD3 in a daycare near where I live for practical reasons.

Because, really, than Stanford argument is the most impractical thing I've ever heard. Especially coupled with the "she can't have friends because she's 3" argument of equal silliness.