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Monica's blog
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Sounds rough. He should

Sounds rough. He should really make his relationship with his ex professional - as in the only thing they need to ever be in touch with eachother about is his daughter.

On a side note...personally, I don't think its that great of an idea to have your kids call your fiance "dad" when they're dad is still around and part of their lives. I think its probably confusing for them, and I honestly suprised their bio-dad is okay with it. That's just my opinion though.

yea.....

It is rough, and I know it's rough on him that my divorce is taking so long.... every relationship has its problems, and it's nice to know there are others out there who know what you're going thru and can empathize. The worst feeling is feeling all alone.

I do agree about him making his relationship with her professional, and we've discussed that before. Somehow, out of the blue she always ends up texting again, or making phone calls, bringing up the same things that were decidedly "over". That's what makes me second guess what's really going on, even though his minutes are accounted for.

*edited* Does it scare me that one day it's possible that they could be having visitation weekends with 2 dads? Of course it does. It's terrifying.
*edited content* Not only do I know what it's like to live in a home with only one BP, I know what its like to live in a home with a BP and a SP, and what it's like to be a Skid, and to have a skid. In that aspect, I've got home field advantage I think.

As for BD being part of their lives.... does them spending the night at his house once every 14 days really count as being a part of anything? He has 8 children.... and none of them live with him. Nuff said I think.

I am grateful that my girls are so well adjusted and happy. In the big picture, I am blessed even with all the problems.

anyone gonna comment?

ok, waiting for some compassion here lol

Sounds like

A very hectic year for everyone. I would just try to step back and let your F do what he needs to so he can secure his visitation with his daughter. Be patient. I'm sure with your history with your ex, it's hard to not be worried that your F's ex will woo him away as well. It's a natural feeling. But you have to trust him. If you can't then maybe you're not ready, or he's not the guy and you're picking up on that.

As far as your kids calling him dad, I have always felt that's up to them. If they're comfortable, he's comfortable, and for cryin' out loud your ex is comfortable (although he has to be relieved you've moved on due to what I'm sure is extreme guilt on his part) then what's the harm.

My SD used to call me mom until her mom made a huge fuss about it. I've always left it up to her which means as usual crazy BM wins by putting all that pressure on SD. Sigh..C'est la vie of the SM.

Goodluck
Peace, love, and red wine

thank you...

for a post that sunk in well. Sometimes you just need a few words of encouragement, someone to say "that sucks, but hang in there" to feel better.
You nailed it. I do worry tremendously about being cheated on, about him going back to her, even though he doesnt give me reason to think that, SHE does. As for:
"then maybe you're not ready, or he's not the guy and you're picking up on that." - I dont know.... if he wasnt the one, then where are all these unexplained never before felt feelings coming from? I've always been extrememly independant and self sufficient, and since being with him I've become needy and dependant on him. Not financially or in a material sense, but emotionally and physically. Like my heart will literally break. Come on, I'm 28 years old... why do I feel like a teenager all of the sudden with this man? *sigh*

Anyways, as for the issue of the kids calling him Dad... I always called my friends parents mom and dad if I was close enough to them, as well as my godparents.. and I agree with leaving it up to them. My stepchildren from when I was married to BD used to call me SMOMMY. Their BM was fine with it, but it took 3 years to get there. Now she and I are great friends, having both been thru the same thing with our childrens BD. Together we have 5 kids who all think of us both as Mom, even though I'm not with their BD anymore. Am I confusing you yet? Gotta love the blended families.
Anyways, thank you for the encouragement and support when it comes to that, I know F would appreciate it too, though he probably wouldnt appreciate my time spent on here talking about our personal problems lol thank goodness for screen names hmmm?

My H doesn't mind at all...

He asks me all the time, "How are your new friends on your site?" I think he's relieved I've found a sounding board. Although the amount of time I spend here posting or supporting other people takes away from my creative energy to write. Next week I may disappear a little as I need to get the other half of my play done! I'm meeting with a local artistic director at the end of the month! EEK!

Peace, love, and red wine

Welcome!

First, she may never change. But that's okay, because YOU can. You don't have to give her the power to dictate your emotions. You don't have to give her so much as a backward glance. You can respect her place as their mother, but she HAS NO PLACE beyond that. Create an "inner sanctum" with you, your hubby-to-be and your family and set up some healthy boundaries to keep her out.

Second, whatever your experience is in this new relationship, it will be what YOU make of it. At the end of the day, her opinion of you shouldn't matter to you in the least. And what she says, thinks, feels or says about you doesn't matter, either. You just live your best life and be happy. She doesn't get to influence your happiness or unhappiness. She may try to throw some wrenches into the works, but you know what? Only YOU can control your response to her. Don't give her the satisfaction of a response. Ever.

Third, this is an EXCELLENT place to dump your crappy feelings so that you don't have to carry them around with you or inflict them on your family. You may run into the occasional personal attack from some unknown bully, but disregard the playground antics and know that you are among people who really do feel your pain.

WELCOME!

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

thank you..

anne, only being here a few days I already see how it can help. When I went home friday I had no hostility at all when she called, since I had the chance to get my feelings out and talk to you all who know exactly how I feel.

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