you have absolutely no legal leg to stand on as a step.

In PA, if a child's biological parent dies, the other biological parent automatically assumes custody of the child. Unless the child was removed from the BP's custody in the first place or his/her rights were terminated. BPs also have the right to refuse visitation in your situation unless you would officially adopt your husband's children which would require BM's permission. Once that was completed, you would have to acquire a court order for visitation which would guarantee your rights to visitation. My DH went through this with his ex and her son (to another man). He wanted to adopt the boy but the ex never allowed it, which turned out to be a super duper blessing in disguise for us now!

Your husband cannot give you any rights to his children. I tried to have my attorney write my will stating that my DD would live with my parents and they would have all rights of legal guardianship until she was 18 should I die before then. My atty wouldn't waste her time or my money be/c the piece of paper wouldn't hold up in any court of law. In my case, if my parents want my daughter, they have to fight her father for her. It's sad but terribly true. I'd guess you'd have to do the same thing with your husband's kids.

Regardless of how irresponsible the BM is now, please be careful of what you and your husband choose to do with his kids. From my own personal experience with my DH's ex, you never know when the BM will snap, so to speak, and all of a sudden care and start making wild, false allegations against the two of you that you're trying to cut her out as their mother. DH's ex reminds him all the time I'm not their son's mother. Wisely, she's never said it to me because I'll tell her plain as day that I have never tried to be nor do I have any desire to be his mother. I don't take him to the MD, dentist, or sign anything school related because I don't want the responsibility and I don't want dragged into any legal issues DH's ex might start to bring up should she get a burr in her behind.

If I were you, I would find an inexpensive lawyer in your city just to sit down and talk to about your questions. Different states have different custody laws. What goes here might not be true in your state. Good luck! It sounds like you genuinely care for your SKs and only want the best for them.

It depends on what you mean by "rights." You have whatever informal rights your husband bestows upon you as far as taking them here and there, disciplining them, etc. But for legal rights, you really don't have any, unless he has an attorney draw up guardianship papers authorizing you to act on his behalf and make decisions for the children. I don't think he can give you guardianship rights without BM signing off on it, though, unless he has sole legal custody of the children. I understand they have shared physical custody, but do they also have shared legal custody? If so, I don't think he can make you their guardian without her approval. As a stepparent, you have no legal rights, unless you adopt the children or the bio parents agree to give you some guardianship rights.

~ Anne ~

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