BM saw the new house yesterday!
For 3 years we have been saving to buy our dream home and last week it finally become a reality! We moved in last week to our beautiful, brand new, never lived in, 2 story home. We have been nervous the entire time that as soon as BM saw the house we would be in court again because to her that means we must have more money to give her. It happened 2 yrs ago when we purchased our new truck. Its like we are never 100% just happy when we buy something nice for ourselves because we are always wondering what will the repurcussions be from her? It is plain jealousy, I know, but it has been 8 yrs and she needs to move on! AND... we have custody of one of her 3 kids with my hubby so you would think she'd be so happy at how good we are providing. But no she would rather us have her son living in a shack than us have anything nice. As my hubby was giving her directions to our new home her tone went from nice and cooperative (she was 3 hours late picking him up and we still let her get him even though if we are 10 min late picking up the other kids on our weekend we have to listen to threats about her being gone when we got there) to pissed off and bitchy and even screaming as she got to the street we live on stating that we gave her wrong directions when we gave her the right ones. She lives 1 hour away so I know she was stewing the whole time home but dammit we worked so hard for everything we have and I am sick of being scared to have things because of her and her jealousy. Does anyone else have this problem?????
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A BIG CONGRATULATION !!!!
A House. That is wonderful. Are you up late every night walking around it saying 'wow, this is mine'. So happy for you.
I bought my home in 2002. The feeling is so unreal. I can't imagine a brand spanking new house feeling. My house was built in the 1920's.
Don't worry about the bitch. We have the same problem. DK hit the ceiling when she found out he gave me an engagement ring. It must mean we are hiding money from her. F#ck 'em.
Enjoy your reward for working hard. Enjoy your new home.
Again, A Big Congrats. Best wishes. Jo
Thank you so much that
Thank you so much that really helps!
So Happy for YOU!!!
What a huge accomplishment to purchase your new home! I bet it is beautiful!! It sounds like BM is extremely jealous of you and your accomplishments and you know what? That is HER problem... not yours! I understand that it must be like walking on eggshells if whenever you buy something new she takes you to court in an attempt to extract more money... (what a bitch).... but I doubt she'll be successful... you said that you have custody of one of her children? Do you get child support for that child?
What I don't get about these women is why don't they work for their own success? Why all the jealously and bitterness?? Why not just move on? I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of that but just know that her actions and reactions are out of pure jealously that she has never been nor will ever be the woman that you are.
Thanks for that comment. To
Thanks for that comment. To answer your question, yes she has to pay support for the child we have but she has 2 at her house (one that wants to live with us) and the amount she gives us is subtracted off of the amount we give her and that ends with us being the only ones paying. It was all worked out during the last CS modification. I agree that she needs to get of her ass and make something out of her life and she can have nice things to show for it. But she comes from a long line of lazy welfare women (no offense to those who need it I just hate when people abuse it) and is perfectly content with abusing the system anytime she can. She even has a sis that gets foods stamps and she will pay her $80 for $200 worth of food stamps. She has the people in her community thinking that my hubby is a dead beat dad and because of that she is lacking necessities. The oldest SS is 15 and when he goes for visitaion he tells us that the across the street neighbor gives them milk and eggs and the school donates canned goods and fruits/veggies to them. All the while she is purchasing new cars and big screen tvs and taking vacations (which we can't even afford). So when she gripes about money and not having any I don't feel the least bit sympathetic to her because she has enough money to pay a lawyer for her frivolous lawsuits against us. She is 32 yrs old and I am 27 and she is light yrs behind in the maturity department.
Can I just suggest something...
Instead of picking up and dropping off at each other's homes... which I have notice creates sooo much trouble, and drama, that you meet half way at a public place, such as a busy grocery store parking lot, a library, or some other place... than you wouldn't have had to worry about BM's snooping your new location and getting notions that you must be making more money, etc.
Second, this is good to have stipulated in court too, because if you have to deal with someone who is always late, than when you stipulate a public location for drop offs and pick ups, a judge is going to agree that it's unreasonable for you to be sitting there waiting for eons for them. We have a half hour wait period. If either party doesn't show up, we give them a half hour... if they do not show up, with or without SS, we leave. If we have SS, we legally can keep him until BM calls us and makes arrangements for the next day, or whatever we agree on. If she doesn't show up with SS to drop him off, that's denial of visitation because she didn't appear when she was suppose and we gave her half hour... we document.
Congrats on the new house, I know this advice is a little late now, but hopefully things will work out. We find that it's soooo much easier to just have a specific location between us and we meet half way.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. I moved in with my husband about 8 years ago. At the time, his house was close to foreclosure because he could not afford the mortgage and CS. Her name was on the mortgage and I offered to help him save the house, so that he would not ruin his credit or even HERs...as I knew this would bring him problems later on with his daughter. His house payments were late because SHE lived in the house and left without paying...that's why he was behind...Anyway, there went my stocks to pay for that...then he sold the house and of course, I got basically nothing...and she/through his sister began harrassing us and my husband ended up giving some money to his sister/probably for the ex, so that she'd leave us alone. Then we moved into an apartment and he lost his job. I paid his CS the 6months he had no job. I also paid all bills in our apartment and all expenses to see his daughter. Knowing he had no job and was still paying CS, she asked for new shoes for the daughter at 50USD...she also asked for 1/2 trip cost out of the country for one month vacation...plus school supplies. My husband gave into the shoes and the school supplies, even though it caused MUCH arguments in our relationship...Then I became pregnant and we moved into a house. The house was on MY credit...as his was ruined thanks to the EX...she didn't pay joint bills even though he would send her the money to pay his 1/2...she just kept the money. As soon as we moved into the house and had our baby, she asked for extra 40USD a month or would take him to court...again, he gave in...again, much arguining between us. At the time, he claimed if he didn't do it, it would be worse as the courts could care less about me and my son. Finally he had a job, I paid most of the bills anyway, as he couldn't afford to pay CS and have enough to take his duaghter out...or even drive the hour each way, etc...every other weekend. So, I supported my son fully and myself...and again, if it weren't for me, DH would have no place to live...When I met him, he actually worked about 80hours a week and never did get to see his daughter so that the ex was happy and he could pay CS, etc...It was me that took the financial burden so he didn't have to work 80 hours a week and could actually see her...So, he's told he will lose his job and at this point, has no choice but to move out of the country with the same company or have no job...we chose to move out of the country. As soon as we moved, we bought our dream home...Again, mostly on my credit, my savings, etc...Sure enough, she has his daughter come to visit us and check out where we live and she now asks for more money or threatens with taking him to court...He is sick of it and sure enough, she took him to court...his CS doubled...
This entire time she has lived with her husband, who has two children from previous relationships, and he does NOT pay child support...there are warrants and liens out for him, but she and her now 3 daughters and husband move about once a year to avoid being caught by CSE. 1/2 of the time she received CS, she lived with her in-laws rent free. She also paid no daycare. So, here we are, so far in debt at this point that we have no choice but to sell our home and move back closer to where the idiot is at. Because of her, my husband's credit has been ruined, as she allowed the CSE office to garnish his wages for past support and ruin his credit...even though he has ALWAYS paid without the court's involvement.
Her and her husband are low wage employees...she works at a factory and her husband has a different job every other day to avoid CS. Yet, her husband was involved in some type of social security or financial fraud (and she's still hiding him from the cops)...and in that scheme, she managed to CLAIM that her identity was stoled and get a new social security number...They had a house in foreclosure and yet Bank of America financed a new home for her, her three daughters and her crappy husband that costs about 180K. Yes...you heard that right. She actually had to take my husband to court to get CS increased so that she could probably qualify for the mortgage.
My husband and I now make more than 3 times what she and her husband make...yet, when we move back, because of her ruining our credit and everything else, we'll be forced to live in an apartment...that is, if we're lucky enough to find someone who will rent to us with the ruined credit.
Tell me how that is fair? It's not. I pray that this mess will be over and I swear that day will come when I will call her and tell her what a lousy excuse for a woman she is. I am sick and tired after working 18+ years, busting my behind to get ahead, to have her live better than us because she has this child with him and the courts believe that child is entitled to everything in the world...while our son's future is unstable with mom and dad so far in debt...thanks to her. I can't stand them anymore. And yes, the daughter has been the one coming over and snooping and then going back to tell her mommy...she's taught her well. Next time I move, neither the ex nor the daughter will be allowed in my home. If my husband wants to see her, he can go get a hotel room for the EOW and stay with her...but not in my house. I am tired of having to hide everything so that she can live off us...
I'm sorry if I sound rude, but I no longer care. I believe that if you work hard, you get ahead in life...and what I have found is that after supporting my husband so that HE could get a better job, paid his school, etc...something SHE was NOT willing to do, the one who benefits from his salary is HER and his daughter...not our son. I'm sick of it and will no longer tolerate it.
For those who say that they will always have contact...I have already told my husband that if he DARES contact her after his child is 18, it's over. Period. Does it sound horrible? Yes it does. Is it fair? Yes it is. He has had to devote himself to the ex, instead of our son...and at some point, it will be his turn..I am sick of his daughter living the life that my son should live because of the court system we have...His daughter should only be entitled to 1/2 her support from her mom and dad, not to the standard of living that my husband, son and I can have because of my salary which is more thank 40K her anual salary...She can bust her ass instead of having kids every other year to get ahead...that's what I chose to do...if she chooses to have kids instead, then that's up to her...and her daughter should pay for her stupid mistakes, not do better because of my inteligence...
Good advice. In this case,
Good advice. In this case, however, BM would NOT agree to anything like that!! It would be ok when it was her weekend to pick up SS14, but when it came time for us to pick up SS8 she would make an excuse or flat out say NO!! I guess we could get it as a court order but that will have to wait until we go back to court, which I'm sure will not be too far away. Also she would have driven 1000 miles to get a glimpse of our new home. She always has no problem making the first drive to wherever we move because she wants to see what we have. Thanks for the congratulations!
That's what we did...
BM didn't have a choice in the matter- a judge ordered it this way. We argued that it was tooo intrusive to our lives, and that meeting halfway was a benefit for both parties, since it would be EQUAL in gas and time for both parents. It also showed the judge that we were willing to meet her halfway with schedules, but she refused, always had to have it her way, but it backfired on her in our case. We also had issues with BM getting verbally abusive and physical temper tantrums- it was just ugly her behavior with us. So, we argued that a public place was the best avenue for us and a judge agreed. We actually had a specific location stipulated too. So, no matter what, BM couldn't call us up and say... oh, can you guys met me at such-n-such instead and try to manipulate the situation. When that happened, we just calmly said, we will be at our designated place at our designated time, we will wait a half hour and if you do not appear with in that waiting period, we will assume that you are refusing our visitation. After the first so rounds of it, she got the point that we are going by the book, things run much smoother if you just stick to the schedule, and she was in contempt of court because of it...again.
I suggest it for anyone with time and scheduling issues... it really really helped. It was rough at first, but once BM got the point that it's useless to keep pestering about, she gave up and oh things ran so much better. It became so reliable and SS was on time. She just couldn't get away with anything anymore... we put our foot down. When she didn't follow through, we documented and documented good. Then the next time we went to court, we brought in all our documents and she had to 'explain' her actions because this is the order, honey... not us.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...